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Old 05-25-2008, 07:52 PM   #11
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

Do you all live in a fairly diverse area?
We didn't when we brought our oldest DS home from W. Africa. We lived in a town that was 96%. It wasn't a big deal until I looked around and realized he couldn't find anyone who looked like him, which was a BIG deal considering before he boarded that airplane everyone looked like him.

So, we moved. We've since moved again and live in a metropolitan area. It just so happens we live in the area of the city where the largest Middle and Upper Class minority population congregates. I've been told over and over again that while race relations are terrific in our town, just 20 minutes down the road is bad news for minorities of all types. So, we're very fortunate where we are.

The one place where we do not have diversity is at church. For years, we went to large, mega-style churches to ensure there was racial diversity. But, we were annonymous and unknown, as were the children. When we moved here, we lamented and struggled but ultimately decided that it was better for the children to be loved and welcomed rather than merely reflected. Now, we are the only variety in the church, but the children are known and adored and every one fo the children are thriving with this arrangement.

If not, do you have thoughts on your kids being surrounded by a bunch of white people? I don't know how much to be thoughtful and proactive on that.

Honestly, its my opinion that this point in time that its better to have real relationships and not merely seek out relationships based upon skin color. So, when we have relationships because they are part of our lives, then terrific. But, we don't create unrealistic and artificial situations just because we're trying to color match the kiddos.

I'm really of the opinion that its more important to teach my children pride in who they are and confidence in themselves regardless of their skin tone than to set up a situation where everything matches. I've been concious to make sure my decorating matches the diversity of our family. I've been concious to make sure my children know and interact with people of different ethinicities and backgrounds, even if they don't match their own per se. but, I realized a LONG time ago that I cannot teach my more colorful sons what it will be like to be a man of color in this world. I can't teach them because I am not, nor will I ever be a minority much less a minority man. But, I also don't HAVE to teach this to my sons. For while I never will be, they will not avoid it. They will be minority men in this society. And, they will have to learn to operate in this world, interact with others and cope with how others percieve and interact with them.

When this world becomes too difficult to face, I can provide a refuge from the storm. But, no matter what I do while they are children, they are always going to fall under the umbrella of my White Priviledge, so I cannot truly show them what the real world will be like. They won't avoid it. And, they will find their feet in this world. With confidence, pride and knowing who they are and what power they hold, they will forge their own way to figure out to make it though that maze.

BTW, do you have a CFer in your fam? I'm a CFer.

Yes, our youngest son, Hispanic and adopted through the US foster-care system is DDF508 with a significantly complicated GI presentation and a typical classic CFer respiratory presentation, along with liver failure related to combination of prolonged TPN and CF itself.

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Old 05-25-2008, 09:23 PM   #12
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

Testify to love. Awesome. So what I'm hoping for in my family dynamic. Thank you so much for your insight. So neat to hear your perspective.

Our church is diverse but not super mingled together in diversity. The Chinese hang with the chinese and so forth. But we have made it a point to make friends with those we "click" with in other races...both. We were led that way, not through anything we've done. We have to be intentional but some things you can't help, right? And you are right, real relationships are way more important than relationships of skin color.

Thank you.
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Old 05-31-2008, 10:05 AM   #13
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

We have 2 bio boys and adopted our daughter from China. We have many friends who have cross-racial families so my daughter is used to seeing families that look like hers. We are in a very diverse university town, so there are all races around us. I don't at all worry about the looks we get. When we are out in public it is so obvious that we are totally smitten with her that I think that is what comes across to people. I know that absurd comments might come at some point or another, but we plan to react with kindness.
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Old 05-31-2008, 11:13 AM   #14
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

We were open to any race when we adopted, we figured God would give us the child we were supposed to have. Our DD is AA, and is the most beautiful baby ever! When we adopted, we lived in a large, diverse city. We have since moved to a more rural area, and there is definitely a difference--we get a lot more attention here. But she's just our daughter--always has been, always will be. The biggest challenge right now is her hair. I am becoming very good as fixing it, but I don't have all the people around to ask for help that I did in the city. But it really hasn't been as issue yet. She's only 3 now, so things will surely come up as she gets older, but we'll just deal with it the best we can then.
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Old 05-31-2008, 08:32 PM   #15
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

We were open to any child and were placed with our DD who is AA/CC and is VERY fair. I was prepared to be the obvious family when we were out and about, but we are not. I would however enjoy having some friends that have adopted transracially. So, for those of you who have obviously adopted transracially, how do you feel about folks coming up to you to speak about adoption etc?

We live on the suburbs of Detroit too.
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Old 05-31-2008, 09:37 PM   #16
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

We have adopted several children and have a mixture: Irianian, AA, Hispanic and mixed. Plus Caucasian and bio kids. We dont point out the color differences, it doesnt make the person. We dont seek out friends or situations because of a adopted child. We have gone to Pow Wows and different festivals but because its fun not because of heritage.
We are a family from choice; skin color has not impact.
When we go out we do get looks and even some comments, mostly because of the number of kids. I just keep my head up and smile and keep walking and my kids have learned to do the same. I dont mind people asking me about my family, I welcome it, my kids know they are adopted.
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Old 06-01-2008, 12:12 PM   #17
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

Quote:
Originally Posted by tink View Post
We were open to any child and were placed with our DD who is AA/CC and is VERY fair. I was prepared to be the obvious family when we were out and about, but we are not. I would however enjoy having some friends that have adopted transracially. So, for those of you who have obviously adopted transracially, how do you feel about folks coming up to you to speak about adoption etc?

We live on the suburbs of Detroit too.

I'm in a (southern) suburb of Detroit too! Small world...

I havent adopted yet, but am fostering an AA baby boy that i hope to adopt (court date is in august to determine if we get to keep him or if he goes to a family member...mom's right already terminated)...and have been really surprised at how many people assume he is my bio child. I have yet to have anyone ask if he was adopted. At first, i felt compelled to explain he was a foster child, but that freaks people out or somehow invites them to ask intrusive questions, so now i just let them assume. One lady even said "Oh, he looks just like Mom!" smiling at me....weird! As far as i know he is not biracial, but i havent met his bio parents.


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Old 06-01-2008, 12:24 PM   #18
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

I haven't adopted, but I just wanted to keep track of the discussion, because it's soooo cool to see. As much as people say "no one wants a _____ baby" it's nice to see so many who don't feel that way.

My kids currently have different skin tones, and my 3 yr old already asks what color he is. I tell him we are all different shades of the rainbow. He's currently hoping for a brown baby sister like his little cousin, but I told him we shall see.

Anyway, carry on.
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Old 06-01-2008, 12:35 PM   #19
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

Okay, I do have a funny story to tell on my Dd. Right after we brought oldest ds home, we started going to a homegroup where the lead couple was bi-racial. They had 2 bi-racial little girls. So, daddy was dark, mommy was pale and the girls were in-between.

Dd#1 got it in her head that because mommy was so pale and girls were brown, she must have adopted them. She was SO sad when I explained that their daddy was dark and therefore the girls were a combination of their mommy and their daddy. She thought she'd found another family that was like hers finally!
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Old 06-01-2008, 01:05 PM   #20
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

I forgot to say, my kids do notice the stares and when they say "They're staring" I just tell them its because you are beautiful and they cant help but stare.
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