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Old 06-01-2008, 01:32 PM   #21
queenjane555
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

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Originally Posted by JeDeeLenae View Post
I haven't adopted, but I just wanted to keep track of the discussion, because it's soooo cool to see. As much as people say "no one wants a _____ baby" it's nice to see so many who don't feel that way.

I think there definitely is this misconception that "no one wants black children" or that there arent families who have been waiting a long time to adopt such a child. I think its true, that if you are adopting an infant privately, and want to adopt an African-American baby, your wait will be shorter....but its not like there are black babies in orphanages with no one to adopt them. Infants of any race generally do not "wait" in foster care adoptions....perhaps a very medically fragile infant may wait for a family. And while there are many many black boys listed on photolistings, i have been waiting for almost two years to adopt such a child (a boy 0-10 of any race and willing to consider many issues, or a girl 0-3---due to bedroom space--heck i've even inquired on teenage boys and gotten nowhere!)

There are alot of misconceptions in adoption...that you can't adopt a young child from foster care or that all children in foster care have major issues (the baby i'm fostering and hoping to adopt is 100 percent healthy), that if you want to adopt a white baby privately you will wait years and years (while thats true for some, many people adopt in two years or less....sometimes alot less!), that ALL adoptions cost thousands and thousands of dollars.

In the year (plus) i was with my previous agency, i was not approached about one single child needing a family, and of the hundreds of boys i sent inquiries on (from photolistings all over the state), i only heard back a few times, and only seriously considered (as far as i know) once or twice. I discovered toward the end of that year, that my social worker may have been sabotaging the placement of AA boys with me...i had inquired on one boy on a national photolisting (he was however in my state), and began an email discussion with his "Wendys Wonderful Kids" recruiter about him. She contacted my worker to get my homestudy...and my worker told her that i was only interested in Caucasian children! wtf?! I was soooo hurt and confused and offended, and yet no one seemed to care (the worker denied it, the state photolisting rep blew it off, and the WWK worker seemed to regret opening her mouth to begin with as this was a collegue of hers)....i kept thinking of all those boys i thought i had a shot with, wondering if my worker told their workers "oh she REALLY wants a white child!"...which wasnt true. Ugh. I felt sick.

So i switched agencies, and they were much more positive, matched me very quickly (though that boys' parents' rights have yet to be terminated so they are now looking at other kids for me), were happy to foster license me (my first agency balked at that), and one month after i was licensed received placement of a three week old baby. His mother's rights were terminated a few weeks ago and i will find out in August if we get to keep him forever. So i have had a much better experience with this agency!

I guess thats my longwinded way of saying there are SO many factors that go into placement of kids, that "parental desire" is just one of them. I know MANY MANY people adopting from the state who have waited at least a year to be matched (and then of course some who are matched immediately, go figure), and they, like myself, are willing to adopt an older/school aged child with some "issues".


Katherine

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Old 06-01-2008, 01:55 PM   #22
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

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I'm in a (southern) suburb of Detroit too! Small world...

I havent adopted yet, but am fostering an AA baby boy that i hope to adopt (court date is in august to determine if we get to keep him or if he goes to a family member...mom's right already terminated)...and have been really surprised at how many people assume he is my bio child. I have yet to have anyone ask if he was adopted. At first, i felt compelled to explain he was a foster child, but that freaks people out or somehow invites them to ask intrusive questions, so now i just let them assume. One lady even said "Oh, he looks just like Mom!" smiling at me....weird! As far as i know he is not biracial, but i havent met his bio parents.


Katherine
I am in Shelby Twp near M-59, we should do a play date if you're close! DD is 12mo. Or come out to the babywearing meeting on the 14th in Auburn Hills!

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Old 06-01-2008, 03:34 PM   #23
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

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I am in Shelby Twp near M-59, we should do a play date if you're close! DD is 12mo. Or come out to the babywearing meeting on the 14th in Auburn Hills!
I'm Downriver, so thats a little far for us...where is the babywearing meeting? (i mean, is it sponsored by a certain group or something?)


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Old 06-01-2008, 04:04 PM   #24
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

Our social worker actually wrote our homestudy wrong this time. She put that we were approved for and seeking a Caucasion only, male child, 0-4 without any special needs.

What we were actually seeking was 0-7, any race, either gender and a whole host of special needs. Our agency director caught the mistake when she was proof-reading our homestudy while on the phone with me and asked why we weren't open to any race, considering we already had 2 different minority children in the family. I pointed out that it didn't even make sense and she changed it immediately.

What we adopted was a 6 year old Hispanic boy with Cystic Fibrosis, liver and spleen damage (will need a liver transplant in the coming years), major bowel issues, not potty training and mental retarded.

Had our agency director not caught the mistake, we might have really struggled to find a child, as our homestudy approval would have NEVER matched the children we inquired on.
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Old 06-01-2008, 06:14 PM   #25
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

How fun to stumble on this thread! First of all, TestifytoLove congrats on your new pregnancy!!! I'm just a few weeks ahead of you.

For those mamas wanting to learn about AA hair...I highly recommend:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptionhair_skincare/
It was a tremendous resource for me getting started w/ Sophie's hair and yes it is a big deal, not even for her sake yet. The AA comunity has been so very postive towards our family b/c of her nicely styled hair (by me). "If I care enough to learn about and do her hair, I must love her. If I didn't, why would I adopt transracially." At least, that's what we've gotten. When a stranger lays eyes on us, a look may go from a frown to overwhelming admiration when they ask who her hairdresser is and I can answer "me". I had no idea!

We want to adopt another AA child/baby, but keep getting biological blessing keep "sneaking up" on us.

Regarding the need for adoptive parents of AA children, I suppose it must vary on the area. There is still a great need where we are, although you may be right in that the babies don't wait long. The organization that connected us with our dd is set up just to connect families open to adopting AA and biracial w/ agencies and lawyers across the country in need of such parents:

Special Link
1201 Haywood Road
Greenville, SC 29615
Phone: (864) 233-4872

When dd was born, we were the only family on Special Link's list open to an AA girl. We actually started the adoption process and 7 weeks later had three day old Sophie. This was after two matches where the bmoms decided to parent at the last min. I know it isn't always this way, but our local agency also has such a hard time placing AA that their fees are 1/2 that from any other race!?!?

Our experience has been so overwhelmingly positive even in a very Southern town w/ remaining racial tension. The impact our family's racial make-up has had even on relatives has been precious.

Sophie is having a hard time understanding that all brown kids aren't adopted. We're still talking though and she'll get it eventually. She doesn't really care now, but does make these assuming comments of her new friends. BTW we have chosen public school for now, not a popular choice among friends, largely for the racial diversity. It's been fun!
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Old 06-01-2008, 06:25 PM   #26
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

I need to add how much I like the Mixed Chicks line!
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Old 06-01-2008, 09:16 PM   #27
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

mamatimes4...your avatar pic is adorable!!

For anyone interested in adopting an AA baby with some special medical needs, please check out:

http://www.spence-chapin.org/asapwaiting.html

spence-chapin is a reputable, nonprofit agency in new york (i believe they can place children in families in other states), they operate on a sliding scale, for our family, adopting a special needs baby would only be $1000! That would definitely be doable for us (whereas $10K, not so much!)...and the babies currently listed seem to have issues that dont seem *that* severe to me. I would inquire but have my hands full with current foster baby who will likely be adoptable, and i cant imagine having TWO babies right now! but its something i'm keeping in mind for the future. From what i've been told, sometimes their listed babies only get one or two families inquiring, but you really need to CALL and bug them, and send your homestudy, and call back, etc...if you just fill out the online form, you might not get "attention", at least thats what i've been told by one of their adopting parents. The babies on that page are adorable, i'm in love with "Jayla"...check it out!


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Old 06-02-2008, 10:01 PM   #28
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

I have 2 brothers adopted via Spence-Chapin. They can only place special needs children outside of NY state. But, special needs is a very varied list.

4.5 years as the mother of an African son and it happened for the first time today. My son got inspected and judged on whether we're caring properly for him as a minority with Caucasian parents. After inspecting my son from top to bottom while he stood in line at Starbucks with Dh, the man informed A as he walked out of the store that he liked A's dreds.

A was so tickled he was grinning from ear to ear. And, since I taught him how to maintain his own dreds a year ago, that's some well deserved praise for the kiddo. All I do with his hair anymore is inspect it and see if he's doing it properly.

It was a weird feeling to realize the man was inspecting A to determine whether we've done a good job with him. An even weirder feeling to know we passed the inspection. (Good thing the inspection wasn't close enough so he could smell A. I still can't convince the child that deordorant is not optional for him, but I don't take the blame for that one. I try, he hides his and tells me he used it! Guess that's the hazard of raising a 12 year old.)
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Old 06-03-2008, 04:10 PM   #29
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

We are adopting from Ethiopia right now. We have 2 bio children who are caucasian. I'm a stylist (professionally) so I'm excited about doing her hair. We're hoping to travel by the end of the year to bring her home.
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Old 06-04-2008, 06:55 PM   #30
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Re: Cross-Racial Adoptions

Allison/Mama_4times
Thanks for all the great details. I already applied to be apart of the great hair group! And the link for the adoption agency...GREAT. We are thinking of starting the process for a second baby. We'll check them out!

I love all the info and thoughts!
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