Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-01-2008, 05:42 AM   #1
zenmama's Avatar
zenmama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,547
My Mood:
Extended family and Adoption

Sometime in the future I would love to adopt. I have barely mentioned this to DH but I have always said that I would love to add a child to my family through adoption. My only fears are that extended family wouldn't love the child as they do a biological child. DNA seems to be a big focus in our family (how much they look like us, have our traits etc) Also I would like to adopt internationally if I could.
I guess my question is how do you approach a situation like this?

It def will be several years in the future as the community we live in is not diversity friendly and we are hoping dh finishes school and gets settled into a career first...just thinking ahead...

Advertisement

__________________
Denise, wife to Mike since 6-15-2002, PTWOHM and College Student Mommy to Samuel Wyatt (8-24-04) (who has a blue belt in Shaolin Kung-Fu) and cding, co-sleeping Andrea Rachelle (10-11-06) (Our Celiac Disease, Seizure having beauty queen).
Maybe you're offended b/c you know it's the truth!
zenmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2008, 06:26 AM   #2
KOREAadopt
Registered Users
Formerly: drizzt76
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 752
My Mood:
Re: Extended family and Adoption

So cool your thinking about adoption!!! Definetely hubby will have to be 100% on board before you decide to adopt! Also it does take awhile to adopt especially if you go the nonspecial needs route up to 2 years, the nice thing about it is the fees are spread apart so you don't have to come up with the money right away (I guess it is my way of saying don't wait too long if you plan on a child sooner) it does take awhile. When you get your referral is when you need the country fee and that is the big chunk.

We adopted our DD off the holt waiting child board and from application to her coming home was a total of 7 months! But that is very unusual. It took 2 months for me to decide to change countries. When we went to committee for her and we were chosen she was home in 5 months! Hope this doesn't get long and boring for you, but we first were going to go thru China until they told me the looooong wait and I got the HUGE BOOK for the dossier and I was sad to hear it would be years before I held my baby girl. SOOO I talked to a friend who adopted thru korea and she said the paperwork was so easy! I went on the waiting child website under korea and saw my baby girl! 2 other families were interested also, then 1 backed out and 1 still wanted her so the committee meets after talking with you and your hubby and talks about your family and who the child would fit better with. We were choosen, that day I was so happy but so sad for the other family who was told no I tried to put myself in thier place very hard emotional day. I could not imagine how it felt.

Since we didn't have any homestudy andything done the paperwork had to begin!!! We finished our homestudy in 2 months then waited for the immigration approval ect. She finally came home dec 26!

OK off topic I too was worried how others would treat her and I have to say she is SPOILED by everyone around us!!! She lights up the room.
On others who don't like WHO CARES! So Sorry if that sounds blunt. They don't live with you, or run your life, it is your child. Don't let others spoil your dream of adopting. You will be surprised how many people will be open to it and surprsied at how many change their minds when they see the child and get to know him or her. I am not trying to dismiss your thoughts on it at all. It is great your thinking ahead. But if all our actions on what others thought none of us would have kids. If your really worried on how the child will be treated maybe go into the school the child will attend and look around to see how others are treated. But most people will just love the child.

On what to tell the extended family... plant the seed now! Start by saying things to them like you know we thought adopting adopting in a few years.... see what they say. I myself focus on physical traits but I don't mean anything by it I even do it to Ella she has fang teeth like me, we always say things like that she is asian I am cauc. but I still assocaite things to me and don't even think about it. I can see how you would worry about that I did too!

just plant the seed now to them it will help!!!

One thing that is hard to get used to is when your in public a lot of people smile and ask questions. Suddenly your open for discussion when you go to the store. But many times you run into others who adopt so it is really cool to talk with them.
I think it is great you want to adopt and every child needs a home around the globe!
If you have any question please ask I am willing to share anything to feelings to the process. GOOD LUCK!!! Sorry this got so long!
__________________
Mom to a 2 kiddos

Last edited by KOREAadopt; 06-01-2008 at 06:42 AM.
KOREAadopt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2008, 07:55 AM   #3
BabyMarksMommy's Avatar
BabyMarksMommy
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 19
My Mood:
Re: Extended family and Adoption

What I have often seen happen (not necessarily in our family, but I know it's happened to others who have adopted) - everything changes when there is an actual child. Once the child arrives, it's as if they've been part of the family forever, regardless of race, ethnicity, background, etc.

I do agree with pp - you and your DH need to be on the same page about everything- it's most important of all.

good luck!
BabyMarksMommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2008, 12:01 PM   #4
Dearonebaby's Avatar
Dearonebaby
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 159
My Mood:
Re: Extended family and Adoption

Babymarksmom is right. I have to say that with our own adoption, my family kept the child at arms length even though international adoption rarely fails. They did this out of fear that it WOULD fail. They went as far as questioning me having my shower BEFORE the baby got here. I got the statistics out about miscarriages and failed adoptions. Miscarriage happens far more than failed adoptions. BUT once the child was home, he became the center of those very same people's lives. He is the one that can cheer them up when they are down and he is in essence the happiness of their day.
I would slowly try to get them use to it by bringing the topic up from time to time. BUT don't get down if it isn't received as you would like to see it. As we said, sometimes the ONLY thing that will break through is the child's arrival. In few cases I have seen they do sometimes still not accept, but not usually.
Sarah k.
Dearonebaby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2008, 07:14 PM   #5
BabyMarksMommy's Avatar
BabyMarksMommy
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 19
My Mood:
Re: Extended family and Adoption

My parents were like that -mostly because they didn't want to see us get hurt if something didn't happen. I can understand that- though it was a bit hard. But they flew out to see him the day after he was born (they could only stay 24 hours, but they did it!) and are now his Godparents- there is such a cool bond between them.
BabyMarksMommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2008, 03:55 PM   #6
zenmama's Avatar
zenmama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,547
My Mood:
Re: Extended family and Adoption

I know I can love a child who is not biologically mine I guess I am just terrified that other people won't and will treat the adopted child different than my biological child even though that is the type of family I want..one that is diverse and full of love no matter how the child comes into our home...
I have looked at China and that would definately be at least 4 years in the future since we are still under 30...so we shall see...
__________________
Denise, wife to Mike since 6-15-2002, PTWOHM and College Student Mommy to Samuel Wyatt (8-24-04) (who has a blue belt in Shaolin Kung-Fu) and cding, co-sleeping Andrea Rachelle (10-11-06) (Our Celiac Disease, Seizure having beauty queen).
Maybe you're offended b/c you know it's the truth!
zenmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2008, 06:05 PM   #7
BabyMarksMommy's Avatar
BabyMarksMommy
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 19
My Mood:
Re: Extended family and Adoption

You will always have the folks who do look for similar traits, that's just natural. We've gotten that many times, and I was talking to another adoptive momma and she has had the same thing happen to her. People see a kid and a parent and they look for similarities.

Honestly, he's just our son. And to my parents, family, he's just another one of the grandkids. He fits right in with the rest of the bunch and isn't treated any differently.

good luck!
BabyMarksMommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.