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Old 06-04-2008, 08:36 AM   #1
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Another birthmom questions thread

We are involved in a possible domestic adoption. I am hoping the birth mother will be open to receiving letters and pictures. I'll be taking her lead on it though, as I don't want to force them on her and cause unnecessary pain. The birth mom we are talking to (and hoping she will choose us!) is very young and at this time not sure she wants pictures or any contact - she seems to have an idea that she will just go on and forget. But she is very young and will probably (I hope for her sake and the sake of the baby) will change her mind in time.

I guess my question is should we write her a letter and send her a picture and leave it open for her to contact us when she is ready? She has also said she wants to meet us, which probably won't be possible before she gives birth unless its via webcam (she is in another state and due in 6 weeks) and I would love to hear from birthmoms what that experience was like for you, what you preferred was said or not said, if you are ok with sharing. You can also pm me if you are not ok with sharing publicly. Thanks!


Mommy to Henry (03), Lucas (05) & Vivie (08)
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Old 06-04-2008, 08:50 AM   #2
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Re: Another birthmom questions thread

I am not a birth/first mom, but can I share what we are doing? It's only been a little over 5 months but it's going very well so far (and we are in a some-what similar situation).

We gave them (the birth/first father is also involved) a PO box if they want to send anything. We also gave them an email address and a blog/website that only they have access to. So we email back and forth. And, they can go online whenever they want and check out the pictures that we have posted or what we have written on the blog. I don't know how frequently they check the blog and pictures, but I have received about six or seven emails since we started that this past December. As I said, it's still fairly new but it's working well so far for all of us. If we ever want to send them something we send it to the agency that we worked with in their state. We sent flowers as a "thinking of you today and everyday" for birth/first mother's day and her graduation (all were at the same time).

Anyway, I thought I'd share what we are doing, and how it's working for us.
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Old 06-06-2008, 12:21 AM   #3
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Re: Another birthmom questions thread

I can give you my experience as its all I know of personally. When I decided to do the adoption, I knew I was doing the right thing for everyone involved as it seems she does too. I was perfectly willing and ready to do just pictures and letters and I told them that at our first meeting. I was pretty much flaberghasted when they offered more. It really worked out for the best and I understand where you are coming from on that aspect. At this point, I would just leave the ball in her court. Let her know that whatever she is comfortable with is fine with you. She may further down the road want some pictures and letters or more contact. I know that for the first six months that the pictures and letters came thru the agency from them and then it was up to us what we wanted to do. I cant remember for sure, but I think it was required that they sent the pics for the first six months, but I could be wrong. I think that you are doing what is right for your situation at the moment. I have a cousin that placed a child for open adoption but she wasnt/isnt very comfortable with pictures because she doesnt see her child as hers so why would she want pics of the child. Maybe that is where the birthmom is at in her thinking. She may change her mind about the amount of contact when the baby is born.

I wish you lots of luck with the pending placement and please let us know how it all goes!!!
Shannon-proud Navy wife to Josh, loving mommy to Addison (4), Preston (2) and Cameron Bailey born 10/16/08 Proud to be Kate's-greeneyes lil sis!
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