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Old 09-24-2006, 02:26 PM   #1
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Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but at times I sure feel like it!

My daughter is 9 weeks old, and she is very attached to me. She typically isn't happy being held or cared for by anyone BUT me. If I leave the room, she cries almost immediately.
Well, my husband finally got frustrated today with it all. He tries so hard to spend time with her...hold her, rock her, play with her...but she is only content for a few moments before she starts crying and will NOT stop.
Sometimes I leave her with him to take a shower or clean; and she will cry the whole time. So far, my husband has been good about just sticking with it until I come back.
Well, today she was at it again. She was balling in his arms, and he tried everything to get her to calm down (including all the techniques I use with her) and nothing worked. Finally, he gives me this look and when I asked what was wrong, he says:
"She is just burning me out! All she does with me is cry. This stinks! I'm not enjoying this. She is ruining fatherhood for me."
I heard this and my heart just about broke in two. Part of me was hurt, and the other part angry. He just doesn't seem to have any patience for her anymore, and when he DOES take her, you can see in his face that he isn't happy about it.

He also commented "I don't know, I see other babies with their dads and they are so happy. I guess I just figured my own daughter would enjoy being with me."
So I get the impression he thinks this is something only HE is going through, and a pattern that will last forever.

*I also want to add that my daughter cries pretty much all the time. She is not a laid-back, happy-go-lucky baby. But, the Pediatrician says it has nothing to do with her health...its just her temperment.

Anyways; I guess I am just looking for some support or words of encouragment for BOTH of us. I'm to the point where I would almost rather let her cry in her bassinett than give her to her daddy, because he seems to be so afraid of her.

Any thoughts, advice or stories are appreciated!

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Old 09-24-2006, 02:43 PM   #2
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Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

i'm sorry mama, your poor and and baby
i'm not sure what to suggest, sometimes the baby just favors one parent over the other for a while but this will switch back and forth and sicne she is so little and knows you best, she is choosing you right now. things will change for the better as time goes on and she will get used to her daddy and want to be with him all the time, have you heard the term: daddy's Little girl"
thats is exactly what your dh will have soon, he will be her 31 hero and his heart will feel all warm and fuzzy. nb go through alot of changes being outside the womb and right now she just needs her mommy. things will get better for everyone and she may not be laid back right now but i'm sure that will change too.
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Old 09-24-2006, 02:47 PM   #3
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Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

I don't know if this would work or not - but you could try sleeping with one of her baby blankets and then he could put that over his shoulder when he holds her. Maybe having your scent nearby will calm her down. (You can just tell him that she's attached to it!)
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Old 09-24-2006, 02:48 PM   #4
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Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

Also try "The Happiest Baby on the Block." Get the DVD. It is worth it!
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Old 09-24-2006, 02:51 PM   #5
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Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

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Originally Posted by heidisue
I don't know if this would work or not - but you could try sleeping with one of her baby blankets and then he could put that over his shoulder when he holds her. Maybe having your scent nearby will calm her down. (You can just tell him that she's attached to it!)
We tried this, and it didn't seem to work for more than a couple minutes.
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Old 09-24-2006, 02:55 PM   #6
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Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

What if you tried the opposite?

Have him sleep with one of her blankets, and put that on your shoulder throughout the day so she's more familiar with his scent?
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Old 09-24-2006, 02:58 PM   #7
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Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ahisma
What if you tried the opposite?

Have him sleep with one of her blankets, and put that on your shoulder throughout the day so she's more familiar with his scent?
Hmm, now theres a thought! I will try that tonight and see if it has any effect. At this point, anything is better than nothing!

He is also a smoker. NEVER in the house, and NEVER around her. He always washes his hands and brushes his teeth prior to holding her...but do you think the cigarette smell might be bothering her? He "says" he is going to quit....but I have yet to see any real committment to it.
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Old 09-24-2006, 03:04 PM   #8
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Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

Is this your first baby? My first daughter was like that and I think it had something to do with how I felt about her. I had these deep deep mother feeling of joy and love and overprotection...I was young (21) and she was my whole world. If that makes sense, but I think the baby can sense that, that with Mamma nothing will happen and she's well protected. First time Dad's can be a little shaky and maybe not even realize that the baby can sense that.
Joselyn used to cry so much that her father would yell and then he would leave, he used to blame me and all kinds of crazy stuff. Now he's her world.
Don't worry Mamma... Everything will work out. It's hard when they're little and Dad's worry too much sometimes.
I hope this helped.

Last edited by Tess; 09-24-2006 at 03:06 PM.
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Old 09-24-2006, 03:06 PM   #9
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Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

That could have something to do with it. Until I quit, I never noticed that you actually could smell it, even if the person has been outside and wearing a different jacket/shirt...KWIM?

DD *hated* the smell of smoke. Still does actually. She kicked a man out of our driveway during a yard sale because he was smoking.

But...as much as I think he should quit (temporary soapbox...DH had a heart attack at 34 and was a smoker...enough said, I'll get off my soapbox now )...given the situation I don't know that his motivation for quitting should be to get the baby to "like him". He will be cranky when he quite...it's pretty much inevitable. If the baby situation is his motivation, it puts alot of pressure on everyone, and it sounds like she's not prone to the constant grins and giggles that would make him feel like it was "working".

So...yes, he should quit...but for it to work it has to be on his own terms.

Another thought...what if you two make a concerted effort to spend time "cuddling" on the sofa with the baby together. Maybe if she was close to you and him at the same time consistently for a while it would help her be more comfortable with him, and vice versa. If he isn't feeling confident when he's alone with her she could very well be picking up on that, which could be making a tough situation worse.
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Old 09-24-2006, 03:09 PM   #10
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Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

Maybe the baby is picking up your husbands frustration with her and she can feel his tension when he holds her.
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