Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-24-2006, 04:09 PM   #11
Lisa-Rachelle's Avatar
Lisa-Rachelle
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: west Tennessee
Posts: 8,214
My Mood:
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tess
Is this your first baby? My first daughter was like that and I think it had something to do with how I felt about her. I had these deep deep mother feeling of joy and love and overprotection...I was young (21) and she was my whole world. If that makes sense, but I think the baby can sense that, that with Mamma nothing will happen and she's well protected. First time Dad's can be a little shaky and maybe not even realize that the baby can sense that.
Joselyn used to cry so much that her father would yell and then he would leave, he used to blame me and all kinds of crazy stuff. Now he's her world.
Don't worry Mamma... Everything will work out. It's hard when they're little and Dad's worry too much sometimes.
I hope this helped.
Yes, Emma is our first baby. I am 24 and my husband will be 32 in November. We both wanted a child so badly, and I know he, especially, wanted a little girl.
I really understand what you mean about feelings of love and overprotection. Heck, I refused to let anyone other than her daddy even HOLD her until she was almost a month old! I still get very touchy about people wanting to hold her or play with her. And Im always worrying about HOW people hold her, if she is positioned right etc.
I have told my husband in the past that his inner feelings might be causing the problem ( I think he is intimidated by her ) but he dismisses that theory since he says "I tried not getting stressed and she didnt change".

Advertisement

__________________
Lisa
Mom to G, E and S
Lisa-Rachelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2006, 04:11 PM   #12
heidisue's Avatar
heidisue
Registered User
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,211
My Mood:
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

The cigarette smell could be a huge part of it - it might not be "bothering" her as in her not liking the smell - but... If he doesn't smoke in the house or around her then the only time she encounters that smell is when he is holding her or otherwise very near... And, he usually holds her when you leave - so the smell could be the trigger that tells her you are leaving the room! Put one of his shirts next to her when you are nearby (but she can't see you) at a time that she would normally not be fussy. If the smell upsets her then you are on to something!
heidisue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2006, 04:15 PM   #13
Lisa-Rachelle's Avatar
Lisa-Rachelle
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: west Tennessee
Posts: 8,214
My Mood:
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ahisma
That could have something to do with it. Until I quit, I never noticed that you actually could smell it, even if the person has been outside and wearing a different jacket/shirt...KWIM?

DD *hated* the smell of smoke. Still does actually. She kicked a man out of our driveway during a yard sale because he was smoking.

But...as much as I think he should quit (temporary soapbox...DH had a heart attack at 34 and was a smoker...enough said, I'll get off my soapbox now )...given the situation I don't know that his motivation for quitting should be to get the baby to "like him". He will be cranky when he quite...it's pretty much inevitable. If the baby situation is his motivation, it puts alot of pressure on everyone, and it sounds like she's not prone to the constant grins and giggles that would make him feel like it was "working".

So...yes, he should quit...but for it to work it has to be on his own terms.

Another thought...what if you two make a concerted effort to spend time "cuddling" on the sofa with the baby together. Maybe if she was close to you and him at the same time consistently for a while it would help her be more comfortable with him, and vice versa. If he isn't feeling confident when he's alone with her she could very well be picking up on that, which could be making a tough situation worse.
I totally agree with everything you've said. I wish with all my heart that Mark was ready to stop smoking. My father was a lifelong smoker, and the last thing I ever wanted was to be married to a lifelong smoker (my father died at 59 years old, from heart disease that was compounded by years of tobacco usage).
When we started trying to get pregnant, he said he would quit (and didnt). Then when I got pregnant he said he would quit (and didn't) and now that his daughter is here, he said he would quit (and didnt). Im beyond trying to give him "reasons", because Lord knows there are plenty of them (wife, child, heath, etc..).

I will definately try making more time for the 3 of us, rather than just mommy & baby, or daddy & baby time. She co-sleeps with us, but thats different than actually getting to interact with her dad during the daytime.
__________________
Lisa
Mom to G, E and S
Lisa-Rachelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2006, 04:51 PM   #14
whiterabbit's Avatar
whiterabbit
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 949
My Mood:
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

My ds just went through this. Actually all of my dc went through a period of wailing if I wasn't holding them. I think it was the worst at about the 8-10week mark. Now he's five months old and tolerates dh holding him. Around the 4 month mark he started to be more calm around others.

My Dh tried everything, wearing my shirt, swaddling, etc. but ds wasn't happy unless I was holding him. So your dh isn't alone. I wish you guys the best. It isn't easy to hear your baby cry.
__________________

I love ducks and bunnies. Especially bunnies.
whiterabbit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2006, 05:18 PM   #15
Timetodance's Avatar
Timetodance
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Gotham
Posts: 1,132
My Mood:
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

Awwww

This happened with us at first. An my DH is the favorite uncle of all of our nieces and nephews so he was really schocked.

I appointed DH "the entertainment committee" he would sing and talk to dd while I was changer her diaper or dressing her. This made him feel like he had a purpose and helped with a bond between the two of them.

dd always cried when I took a shower .

He just needs some time to get his groove with her. And do NOT stand over him and tell him he is doing everything wrong (not that you are, just a habit mom's can have).

Also teach him how dd really likes to be held. That can be a big part of it.


Good luck!

Good luck!
Timetodance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2006, 05:21 PM   #16
heathersgirls's Avatar
heathersgirls
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 527
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

I haven't been through all the responses but I just want to send you and your hubby . Being a new parent is a hard adjustment, at least for me it was, and my first, like yours, was (and still is, lol) very high maintenence. She ONLY wanted me and she terrified DH because she would cry so much. Somehow we got through it, and now she's daddy's girl. My littlest (not quite as HM) went through a period where she would cry if anyone but me had her, my poor mother was heartbroken. She will still whine/cry for me if I come into the room and she is with someone else.... Right now I just deal with it, and sneak around the house to get stuff done.

I don't know where you are in Tenn. but maybe daddy can take a daddies only parenting class or join a support group to help him work through his feelings.

I suppose I don't have any other ideas just want to give hugs .
__________________
Heather Mama to Taryn 12/23/02 and Elle 12/29/05

Last edited by heathersgirls; 09-24-2006 at 05:24 PM.
heathersgirls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2006, 05:53 PM   #17
janendragon's Avatar
janendragon
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,832
My Mood:
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

dh was like that at first.....the good news is, it gets better! ds is 11mths old, and only just started being alone with daddy and playing with him. Right now as we speak, daddy has taken on him on a little ride in the car while I'm having some time alone. Just explain to him that it takes time, shes still in that 4th trimester where shes still learning about the world around her, and you are her only familiar thing in it so far. She will eventually warm up to her daddy.

I agree with a pp, have him be the entertainment commitee during diaper changes and stuff. Dh regularly helps with diaper changes if hes home, and If I try to change a diaper when hes home now, alone, ds will get mad and start telling his dad off.
__________________

SAHM to my crazy toddler

Last edited by janendragon; 09-24-2006 at 05:55 PM.
janendragon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2006, 05:58 PM   #18
ahisma's Avatar
ahisma
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 787
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

Another thought....

What about taping him reading a few stories to her? If you play them during the day occasionally...especially during her happy times...it may help.

I did this when DD was a baby, her dad lived out of state and I wanted to do what I could to help them bond. When she did see him, she was very accepting of him...I have no idea if this was the cause or not, but if DH is up fro it it may be worth a try. If nothing else, maybe when he held her and read her that same story in person it may be "familiar" and soothing to her.
__________________
Samantha, law student mom to Paige (8 yo) and DS Harrison (10/8/06)
ISO: M or L Tootleshells, Boy or GN Fuzzi Fannies

ahisma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2006, 06:18 PM   #19
GrandIsp's Avatar
GrandIsp
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,377
My Mood:
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

You poor family! That is so frustrating for all of you. I just wanted to say that the baby will go through so many phases and this is just one..try to have your DH see the big picture and stick it out. If he can try to let it ride off his back as much as possible and not let it affect his overall feelings - certainly he is justified in how he feels, but hopefully he can see it won't always be like this ...then when your baby comes around to him he'll be there waiting KWIM? I will send patience good vibes his way
__________________
Leidy & DS 5/13/05 and DD 9/30/09
Stocking hand-dyed yarns and woolies at Western Sky Knits
GrandIsp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2006, 06:28 PM   #20
togg_mama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,821
My Mood:
Re: Hubby not happy with baby...what to do?

your DH is a lot like mine: sensative, careful, committed father. $10 says he feels rejected by his little princess and it frustrates him.

keep offering dd to him and make a big deal of it to dd. tell her "look! daddy's home!"

it's a stage, it will pass. to both of you!
togg_mama is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.