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Old 06-11-2008, 11:31 AM   #21
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I've noticed many of these things with new mommies and I can't say that they are "bad" but rather unguided. Sounds like she could use some guidance. Propping the bottle is no good, and can be quite dangerous.


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Old 06-11-2008, 11:31 AM   #22
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I would just pray that she gets her own place soon.... It is stressful having other people live with you. I can only imagine someone with different parenting tactics then you!
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:36 AM   #23
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

The only thing that is just really bad parenting imo is the bottle propping in the carseat. This is very dangerous and imo neglectful. Babies feel love by being held and cuddled, how do they get that lying in a seat with their bottle propped up. Not to mention that it's very dangerous. The baby could choke, suffocate, or aspirate milk.
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:42 AM   #24
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I think it goes past 'different'. Babies shouldn't be left alone to eat; a number of pp's noted that bottle propping in that circumstance is dangerous. And I feel sorry for the baby as it is missing out on being held and interacted with; and having it sleep and feed all that time in that same carseat is a strain on the body. But I do understand your hesitancy in raising it with her. I used to live with my SIL and found it irritating when she'd freak out because my baby seemed to be 'cold' or 'burning up' or some other imagined danger. It can be touchy when inlaws tell you how to raise your kid, even if they're right (my SIL was way off base, usually).

Is there any chance you could get someone else, such as your DH, could talk to her? She probably feels a bit overwhelmed by the responsibility of a new babe too, on top of needing to move; maybe she needs some support, even if it's just emotional support. It doesn't sound like she's sensitized/connected to her baby, or aware of what a small baby's needs really are. Could she be experiencing undiagnosed PPD?
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:46 AM   #25
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

The bottle propping is the only actual bad parenting I'm seeing here. That's just plain dangerous, especially if the baby is unattended.

The rest aren't what I would do, and don't really consider the best idea, but I don't think they're actually "bad', per se. Zoe can go 2-3 hours in a sposie, as long as it's not poopy, and not get any rashes or anything. Some babies sleep better in a semi-upright position, like in a carseat. Maybe the baby doesn't feel cold the way she's she fussy? Does her skin feel cold? If not, she's probably fine.

i feel for you though, it must be hard to live with someone who parents so differently!
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:57 AM   #26
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

well, i know that my brother and his girlfriend were doing much of the same thigns and my mom just told them.. you need to hold your baby when you feed him. maybe she honestly doesnt know. maybe you could talk to her about and just tell her about the pros and cons of holding while feeding or not holding kwim?

as for the diaper.. yeah she needs changed more often. i know even though i used sposies for my others i changed them a lot..

hope your able to figure something out.
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Old 06-11-2008, 12:20 PM   #27
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

How old is Amy? Naps in the car seat aren't too bad, as long as she is sleeping somewhere flatter at night, IMO. My DD has her naps in a Fisher Price vibrating chair thing, but sleeps in a crib at night, which allows her more movement (she's 7 months old, and has taken to sleeping on her side at night, it's cute )

I try to dress my DD the way I would dress. I find it sooo cold at my parents house lately, where the A/C might be on, or they might have every single window open, because my mom finds it very warm in there, I usually have to wear long pants there, so I try to keep my DD the same way. I know she doesn't mind being cooler though, and will scream if she is too hot. If Amy isn't fussy, she's probably fine.

As for the bottle propping.... I don't like it. At my DD's age, I don't hold HER anymore because my arm falls asleep from her heavy head but I prop her on a pillow next to me, and lean into her and hold the bottle for her. She has little to no interest in holding the bottle, except when she wants to bang it around after it's empty. I don't like seeing babies with bottles propped up, but sometimes people feel it's necessary (ie if you have a toddler running around at the same time, and need to tend to him/her) but if she is just texting or going for a smoke, she should be holding that baby!
(my friend's cousin actually would stop breastfeeding her DD to go out for a smoke! now THAT is a time to step in and say something)

The diaper question... right now I am using 'sposies, and I will change my DD approx every 2 hours, as well as when she has a poopy diaper. If she's going down for a nap, I try to change her beforehand, and she has a fresh diaper before bed, and sleeps for 12 hours. So she probably goes through 6-8 diapers a day. We only had 1 bout of diaper rash, and that was when she was 1 month old, and we treated it ASAP. It was because she was sleeping so much, so her changes were a little infrequent, I admit.

Originally Posted by Griffinsmom View Post
And yes, most sposie users change infrequently esp compared to cloth users. I good friend told me she uses 3-4 diapers per day I think the babies stay pretty dry- still gross- but I know sposie users that only feel they need to change for poo.
Not starting a fight, but that's kind of a harsh generalization, to use the word "most". There are some who do that, but I would think that most will change their LO's regularly. That being said to your friend who nly uses 3-4 per day.. i can't imagine what those diapers look like! And ONLY for poo? what happens if the LO goes through a bout of constipation???? No diaper change for 2 days??
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Old 06-11-2008, 12:37 PM   #28
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I'm not saying she deserves a parent of the year award or anything to that extent, but if these scenarios are honestly the worst of the worst, I think it will be okay. Most of the things you mentioned are fairly common, I have seen family members do much worse and know how hard it is to stand back and watch, especially when you care about the child. I can only imagine biting my tongue 24/7 (I'm really bad at biting my tongue).
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Old 06-11-2008, 12:43 PM   #29
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I think most of those things you mentioned alone would not be "bad" parenting but all together it sounds somewhat neglectful...not like call CPS neglectful but maybe with some supportive guidance the mama could be a better parent---
good luck
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Old 06-11-2008, 12:48 PM   #30
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

Baby likes to be alone to eat? Did the baby tell her mom that? That's one of the more absurd things I've heard. Even if my toddler and preschooler vocalized that they would prefer to eat alone, I'd tell them tough luck.

I agree with most of the posts I've read though (skimmed through the thread). In general, it doesn't sound BAD...but sounds like it's on the verge of neglectful (like another poster said, no CPS-neglectful, but maybe in need of encouragement or guidance). The bottle-propping (and then leaving the baby alone) would be the most concerning thing.
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