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Old 06-11-2008, 12:52 PM   #31
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I don't know the people involved, so I can't answer for this particular case... But I have actually known babies that don't like to be held. In fact my mom tells me that I (her 2nd) was really difficult to her because I was so clingy and my older brother always wanted to be left alone as an infant.

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Old 06-11-2008, 01:13 PM   #32
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I don't mean to imply that she never holds or touches her. They co-sleep at night and she does sometimes hold her and sing to her during the day.

I think that I'll look for articles about the dangers of bottle propping that we can show to her.
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Old 06-11-2008, 01:16 PM   #33
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I don't think anything you described is BAD. just different than what you do.

Miranda lived in her carseat for the first couple weeks, she hated everything else (strangely enough hated the carseat if she was buckled in and in the car. lol)

and yes, I was known to prop a bottle or two.. miranda Moved ALL OVER THE PLACE while she ate in my arms and after almost dropping her several times i decided it was safer if she wasn't in my arms. I'd either prop it or hold it while yes, she was in her carseat or bouncy seat. I don't consider me a bad parent because my child needed a seatbelt while she ate. LMAO I never left her side if it was proped though because I know she could choke.

As for the clothing, I think people are just different. my mom for example thinks miranda needs 15 layers the moment it gets a bit breezy out, even if it's 80 degrees and there's a breeze. she thinks she should NEVER be in a tank top for any reason, and that I should be putting her in a huge heavy winter coat in the car.

I however, have been around the child her whole life. day in and day out. I like to think i know differently. it also might be that the mother is warm, so she thinks the child is too, while you might be cold at 68 degrees, she might be too hot. KWIM?

and as a previous sposie user, i can tell you that they are changed less. harder to tell when they are wet until they are really wet I guess. atleast less are going into the landfill that way. lol

like I said, i don't think anything you said is bad or neglectful in any real way. Just different than how you'd do it. I don't know how to handle the situation. I think just staying out of it unless you saw something actually dangerous or neglectful.. I think that's probably for the best, you'd probably just upset her if you somehow told her that what she was doing was wrong, or not good. either way i think it's going to come out that way and in that case she's not going to listen anyway.
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Old 06-11-2008, 02:01 PM   #34
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

Napping in the carseat is fine, that might be the only place she'll sleep right now, we did that briefly. The lack of bonding during feeding is nothing short for bad parenting. Sometimes, if you just need a break, I understand, but nearly every feeding? Not okay! And diapers need to be changed frequently. I'd just make sure she wasn't cold, but clothing is a preference, not bad parenting.
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Old 06-11-2008, 02:09 PM   #35
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I would say they are different not necesssarily bad. I mean I think it is wrong that she isn't holding the baby to feed her, but that is just not what I would do and I do think it is very safe to leave the baby eating while she leaves the room, but if you are there maybe she feels that you will take care of any issues.
It is definitely not worth starting any arguments over, because she will definitely feel you are threatening her and it can get ugly.

Now if the baby is in danger, i feel you have a right, but honestly it doesnt sound like she is putting the baby in any danger.
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Old 06-11-2008, 02:22 PM   #36
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I would at least mention to her that she shouldn't leave an almost 4 month old alone to eat. I know that she'd probably be really upset if that baby had anything happen because she propped the bottle, and then went outside for a smoke. My friend has twins and a 2 and going to be 4 year old. She has some of the podee bottles. It's like a paci with a tube going to the bottle. That way babies could eat while she was say, helping the 2 year old up from a fall, the eldest yelled while in the potty, one of them needed held but the other needed to eat. It was a better option to her than propping a bottle. She was always in the room when they used them. That would be safer because she could just spit it out like a paci. Instead of trying to move the bottle out of the way, which a 4 month old may not be able to do.
Other than that she probably should change her more often, but one small step at a time. It's so hard being a new mom!
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Old 06-11-2008, 02:51 PM   #37
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

I don't see anything wrong with her parenting save the bottle propping, and the diaper changing ( i read your 6 hour post, eewwww!). Maybe you could set an example of different "styles" rather than say anything so she won't feel attacked. My stepdaughter has a baby a couple months older than our z, and I constantly want to "coach" her, but i hold my tongue. The baby isn't in any danger (that we know of), so it's best that I keep my head down and my mouth shut. It's a good thing we don't see much of each other.
Prayers for you mama, hope she gets her apartment soon!
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Old 06-11-2008, 03:07 PM   #38
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

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Originally Posted by mollypeters View Post
I don't see anything wrong with her parenting save the bottle propping, and the diaper changing ( i read your 6 hour post, eewwww!). Maybe you could set an example of different "styles" rather than say anything so she won't feel attacked. My stepdaughter has a baby a couple months older than our z, and I constantly want to "coach" her, but i hold my tongue. The baby isn't in any danger (that we know of), so it's best that I keep my head down and my mouth shut. It's a good thing we don't see much of each other.
Prayers for you mama, hope she gets her apartment soon!
Yes, setting an example is what I'm trying to do now. She sees how often I change Sean which is every 2 hours at the very least and usually much more often as he's a super soaker. And I hold Sean for every feeding. He's been on bottles since about 1 week old and I've never not held him for a feeding. But, my DH has tried to do the bottle propping before to feed Sean and I've stopped him. Perhaps that's how she grew up seeing her younger sisters being fed and thinks that it's okay to do?
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Old 06-11-2008, 03:56 PM   #39
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

SIXTY EIGHT DEGREES?????

Holy

Um anyway... The only thing that REALLY bugs me, is she is propping a bottle. I have a daycare baby that prefers to have her bottle alone. She's highly offended if you look at her while she has her bottle. But, most kids like to be held.

And of course, going out to smoke a cigarette bugs me too. But, for different reasons having very little to do with parenting.

I don't change disposables that often either. It depends on the baby. I have one baby that smells like a hamster cage when she is wet, so I change her more frequently, but most of the babies get about four diaper changes in a six hour day. The toddlers get about two.
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Old 06-11-2008, 03:59 PM   #40
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Re: "Bad" parenting or just different?

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SIXTY EIGHT DEGREES?????

Holy
My DH would have it at 65 or lower if he could get away with it. We compromise at 68.
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