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Old 06-16-2008, 12:40 PM   #11
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

My opinion-don't know the legalities on this, but just offering my opinion. Is that if a person really wanted to do it you could at least pump. Then the baby is getting breastmilk but isn't "BREASTfeeding" KWIM? And I wouldn't see why you couldn't do that in any foster situation even if it wasn't foster to adopt.

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Old 06-16-2008, 12:57 PM   #12
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

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My opinion-don't know the legalities on this, but just offering my opinion. Is that if a person really wanted to do it you could at least pump. Then the baby is getting breastmilk but isn't "BREASTfeeding" KWIM? And I wouldn't see why you couldn't do that in any foster situation even if it wasn't foster to adopt.
good point.
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Old 06-16-2008, 01:17 PM   #13
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

Really????
I see the problem as being the possibility of transmitting disease through the milk, if anything, not the physical act of breastfeeding itself.
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Old 06-16-2008, 01:26 PM   #14
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

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Really????
I see the problem as being the possibility of transmitting disease through the milk, if anything, not the physical act of breastfeeding itself.
But they would have to prove that you have a disease that is communicable through breastmilk. Not many are. And of course if you had one that was you wouldn't breastfeed a child anyway. Right? There are breastmilk banks and people buy other people's breastmilk.

I think someone (caseworker or birth parent) might be turned off to the idea simply because it is so "physical" and by pumping they'd have no argument for that.

And of course breastmilk is best for babies!!
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Old 06-16-2008, 06:37 PM   #15
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

Well, its not like you are using unidentified donor milk. If you are concerned that you could be transmitting a communicable disease, you should probably get tested, especially since breastmilk is the least likely mode of transmission of such diseases usually.

I think you might get away with a don't ask, don't tell policy. Just understand you can be in a HEAP of trouble if you get caught doing it. Legally, you would need permission from the bio-parents. Ethically, if you are certain TPR is going to occur and you are going to adopt then I guess its a question you have to ask yourself whether its worth the risks or not.
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Old 06-16-2008, 07:21 PM   #16
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

I wouldn't do it without thoroughly researching state laws here.

All of this red tape is what makes private adoption so much more appealing... but then there's the $$. ::sigh::
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:06 PM   #17
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

I guess I just think it's silly that the act of breastfeeding is something you could get in a "heap" of trouble for you know? Other than proving that your milk is safe (like a donor), it's soooo much better than formula for the babe plus the emotional benefits it provides to the baby who hasn't known a consistent care provider (possibly) since birth, you know? I just told DH if I ever couldn't nurse I would find donor milk before I'd put a drop of formula in my kids. Maybe that sounds extreme but that's how strongly I feel.
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:15 PM   #18
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

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I guess I just think it's silly that the act of breastfeeding is something you could get in a "heap" of trouble for you know? Other than proving that your milk is safe (like a donor), it's soooo much better than formula for the babe plus the emotional benefits it provides to the baby who hasn't known a consistent care provider (possibly) since birth, you know? I just told DH if I ever couldn't nurse I would find donor milk before I'd put a drop of formula in my kids. Maybe that sounds extreme but that's how strongly I feel.
donor milk is WAAAAY expensive... if I remember right it was like $3 an ounce plus shipping! (I could be off on that because I can't find my notes on it, but it was way out of our price range). And I did try and get donor milk from a friend, but my LO rejected it
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:32 PM   #19
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

While I can understand your thinking, you are coming from a point of understanding about breastmilk, its benefits and its superior nutritional value. Most case workers do NOT understand these things. Social workers are even less likely to understand than the general population because what they are accustomed to seeing of family relationships is dysfunctional. For you, breastmilk may be superior. For a social worker in the state fostercare system, breastmilk may be tainted with cocaine, methamphetamines and marijuana. And, its most certainly going to mean an infant struggles more in adjusting into a foster home.

I took our biological infant with us in both trips to retrieve our new son. She was 11 months the first trip and 16 months the second trip. Our son's foster worker was thrilled to see her breastfeeding, thrilled to see a normal mother-child bond and thrilled to get to hold a healthy, never hurt baby in her arms. But, our son's adoption case worker was 100% different. She was grossed out, freaked out and verbally insulting that I brought the infant and that I dared to breastfeed her. And, we're talking about one of the most progressive and breastfeeding supportive states in this country.

Now, my ds is not of breastfeeding age. But, due to his medical issues I have considered giving him pumped breastmilk in a cup. And, I may yet do that. However, I made the decision to NOT do that until finalization. While I doubt his case workers would ever know, and while I'm certain that legally I could, I also know this case worker would do everything in her power to have him removed over something so minor. She's since been removed from the case by order of a JUDGE but I know for a fact the new case worker gives her access to the case still and would do anything this woman demanded, including blowing the placement if possible.

Some social workers can handle crunchy and alternative parenting choices without batting an eyelash. Some freak out and few such parents with absolute suspicion. This same woman sent our adoption agency back to our home AFTER airplane tickets were supposed to be purchased for us to bring our son home. She demanded to know what our plans for his education were both now AND after we finalized his adoption. Evidentally while we were honest and forthcoming from the get-go that we are a homeschooling family, she just at that point latched onto homeschooling as a potential excuse to stop us from adopting him. What we choose for his education after finalization is none of her business, and we worked out a carefully worded response with our case worker so as to NOT lie nor to give this woman grounds to stop the placement. Thankfully, a judge intervened and ORDERED the placement of our son, over the objections of this woman.

But, there are case workers who WILL get that bent out of shape about something so trivial as breastfeeding. Legally, you don't have the right to breastfeed a child who has not had a termination of parental rights. And, technically, while you are given great power of decision after TPR, the state remains the legal parent of your child until you finalize, and the final decision on what is acceptable lies not with you but the social worker. Our social worker nearly refused a NEEDED hospitalization because she didn't understand why it was needed. And, had she refused, there were few recourses we could have followed in the face of her refusal, even though it was against medical advice. Legally, the acting person in a pre-adoptive placement is NOT you but the social worker who acts on behalf of the state. And yes, depending on the social worker, breastfeeding CAN be a huge faux pas. Some social workers won't care, some will be thrilled and some will remove the child and consider it sexual abuse to try.
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:39 PM   #20
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Re: Nursing in a foster-adopt situation

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donor milk is WAAAAY expensive... if I remember right it was like $3 an ounce plus shipping! (I could be off on that because I can't find my notes on it, but it was way out of our price range). And I did try and get donor milk from a friend, but my LO rejected it
donor stands for donation, which is given I donate milk week and my recipient usually pays about $200 (shipping) for 1500oz across the US!
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