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Old 06-14-2008, 05:40 PM   #1
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Natural and Adopted Siblings

We have 2 babies that I gave birth to, but we're now seriously considering adopting. We have a very close friend that has 3 adopted children (no natural), so understand a little about the process and stresses involved.

We've still got a lot to think about but my main concern is the bond the children will have. Do you think that having natural children and adoptive children creates tension between them? Will the adoptive children feel 'second best' (not that we would treat them that way)? Just wondering if anyone has experience of this?


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Old 06-14-2008, 07:28 PM   #2
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Re: Natural and Adopted Siblings

My aunt had three boys, and when her last lil boy was about six they adopted a little girl. There is no difference between them at all. They are all bonded together the same. It's very easy to forget that she's even adopted. I think there is an adjustment period in the beginning, but over time it just seems to be a non issue or at least it is with them.
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Old 06-14-2008, 07:46 PM   #3
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Re: Natural and Adopted Siblings

I am the natural child of a combo like you are describing. I should also say that my 2 adopted sisters are 25 and 27 years younger then me (I am the oldest and then there is a sister that is 12 years younger then me that is biological with our father as well.)

In all honesty at this moment I am closest with my 4 year old sister (the youngest one) then I am with any of my sisters or step brothers (mom's side).

When my father first told me he was going to adopt I was scared of just what you were talking about. I wondered if I would ever feel like I did with my adopted sister, as I did with my half sister. After all when my half sister was born I was there that day... when my older (6 year old) sister was adopted I was on the other side of the country! I can tell you with absolute certainty the INSTANT I met my 6 year old sister (she was just over a year when I met her) I felt that same bond that I did with my half sister. There was NO differance in my eyes.

Now I have yet to actually meet my 4 year old sister. She came to this country last August and I can't travel (especially cross country) when I am pregnant. However I have made a video of where I live and included me reading stories to her. That in combination of my father and step mother talking about me and my husband (not to mention baby Max who is on the way) have made it so my newest little sister is actually excited to meet me. I plan on going out there next summer.

If you have any questions please PM me. I am sure I have felt EVERY emotion attached to this at one point or another. However I have found that the additions of my 2 sisters has been not only welcome, but something that I can't imagine my family without.

Good luck!
Jennifer (39) - Wife since 12/2003 with 5 children - 3 waiting for me in heaven , and 2 delighting me everyday ! Lymphoma survivor and mother to baby born post pelvic radiation!
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Old 06-15-2008, 03:35 PM   #4
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Re: Natural and Adopted Siblings

I am an adoptee
with one brother that was adopted as well and my other brother is my parent's biological child. There is no tension in our family due to adoption. I must say though that the term natural is offensive to me. I do not feel that I am my parent's unnatural child. Just thought that I would put that out there because many adoptees do not like that term.
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Old 06-15-2008, 08:40 PM   #5
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Re: Natural and Adopted Siblings

My husband's family is made up of a mixture of biological and an adopted child. His family did a lot of prep as a family ahead of time, as his brother was 11, and he was 8 when they adoped their 6 year old sister.

I won't say it has been an entirely trouble-free road for them- lots of baggage along the way - but I don't think any of it had to do with biology.

If this is any indication, DH and I have 2 (going on 3!) biological kids and we are currently debating either adoption or fostering teen moms in the future. So he has had a positive enough experience to want to do it.
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Old 06-15-2008, 08:45 PM   #6
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Re: Natural and Adopted Siblings

I have 2 adopted sibs--1 I speak to occasionally the other was out of touch with the entire family for many years prior to his death last year, that being said I have varting relationships with my non adopted sibs and doubt if it really matters in the long term especially if the sibs are close in age
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Old 06-15-2008, 09:50 PM   #7
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Re: Natural and Adopted Siblings

All of my children are natural, none of them are UNnatural. 4 of the children are biologically ours and 3 came into the family via adoption. Their relationships with each other are not dependent upon their DNA nor how they entered the family.

It was really quite amazing. When we started our first adoption, our bio-children were 5, 3 and 1. Our 3 yo as the only son. We told him we were adopting his big brother. It was as if he was waiting for a big brother all his life. He took his brother's picture with him everyone, talked incessantly about his big brother and told everyone who would listen all about his big brother. When big brother came home, he was 7 and had never slept alone in his life. When he was brave enough to leave our bedroom, the boys shared a bed. 4.5 years later, they are just finally weaning from co-sleeping now. They are 12 and 7 and they still share a bed about 50% of the time, and sleep in their own bunks the other 50%. Little brother learns everything about soccer just so he can support big brother. And big brother learns everything about little brother's interests to support little brother.

There are times I worry that there is less room for the younger boys in the relationship between the oldest 2, and again there is no biological ties between any of the boys. Yet, they are all as surely brothers as if they had been together from the day they were born.

There are sometimes conflicts between different children. There are certain children who frequently bicker. And, there are certain sibling bonds that are so strong I don't pretend to understand the depths of those bonds. None of those are based upon biology. And really, sibling relationships aren't based upon biology so much as shared experiences and history.

I personally have 2 biological siblings and 5 adopted siblings. Our sibling bonds are generational moreso than biological. Those who were raised together with shared relationships have more common than those a generation later without the same experiences.
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Old 06-16-2008, 02:27 AM   #8
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Re: Natural and Adopted Siblings

I have 3 kids-- bio, adopted, bio-- and they are very close, especially the 2 girls who are close in age. They don't care how they came into the family, they just know that they ARE family, and love each other. The same with other families we know with both bio and adopted kids. They're all just their siblings, doesn't matter how they came to be. Our oldest DS is hoping we adopt again!
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Old 06-17-2008, 03:28 PM   #9
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Re: Natural and Adopted Siblings

After struggling with infertility for over 5 years we adopted my oldest DD, Jessica, at birth. When Jessica was a year old we found out we were pregnant. I was very worried about all different things. Would I feel the same about both children? Would Jessica resent the fact that we had a bio child? Would they get along? In alot of ways I felt like it wasn't fair to her. I'm here to tell you, there is absolutely NO difference in the way I feel about my children. We have since had another bio child, and they both love her to death. My children are all very close in age, and they fight like crazy, but I know it's because they are siblings and they love each other. I do still worry about the future. Jessica is only 4, so we're only just now introducing adoption to her. Especially since my younger sister just put her baby up for adoption this week. We've used that to help explain to her about her life.

That's another example also. I'm the oldest of 5 children. Me and my sister are biological, and when we were in our early 20s my parents adopted 3 bio siblings, 14 yo twins (b&g) and a 16 yo girl. I am very close to my bio sister, but I'm also very close to my youngest adopted sister. The other sister, and my brother have some serious baggage, and we are family, but there really isn't that bond. I think alot of that has to do with the fact that we didn't grow up together. My sister and I had already grown up, gotten married, out on our own. And alot of it is b/c of the fact that they'd been so abused and abandoned all their life that they just didn't want to connect with us.
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Old 06-24-2008, 10:39 AM   #10
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Re: Natural and Adopted Siblings

I'm the bio baby and my sister, who is 4 years older was adopted when she was just weeks old. It's backwards from your situation, but we were raised with the adoption being an open topic. I never felt like she was less than my true sister and she feels the same. We have a family friend who knows her birth grandparents and my sister has no interest in meeting them as she feels that we are her family. HTH.
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