Natural and Adopted Siblings

[jenmamahen]

We have 4 children, three are biological, and one adopted. They are all siblings in every sense of the word. They play together, they tease each other and pester each other, they sleep in the same room, they fight and argue and are best friends.

Family is family, no matter how each individual came to be a part of it.

[figlette]

I don’t believe that blood makes a family. I have family that I have no blood relation to and relatives who are relatives, but not necessarily family. It is said that you can not choose your family, but you can. When a friend blurs the line between family and friend, you just usher them onto the family side. Family is a feeling. Blood is what carries oxygen to the necessary areas.

Take a step back and look at your family. I bet you will see a number of people in your family who you share everything with but blood. A spouse for instance.

Any addition can cause tension and adoption is certainly no exception. Education and preparation are key.

As you ponder adoption, I encourage you to pay attention to the words you are using as words are a powerful thing. One word can build a bridge or knock one down. Here is a list of positive adoption terminology.

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/...veLanguage.pdf

[princessblueberry]

Am the oldest of 5 girls...two of us bio from my parents, 1 my parents adopted then my parents separated and dad adopted his wife's girls. I get along with the sister my parents adopted and the only reason I don't have contact with the youngest 2 is their Mother, was my best friend before her and dad started dating but would not be civil to me after they got married

[bugaboo]

I hope there is not problem...that would mess up our plans big time. We intend to try and get 2 kids at once (brothers) and we have 2 DD. So, I hope this works because this is the plan.

[MelDM]

Thank you for sharing your stories everyone! I have had the same worries as the OP. My husband and I are planning on starting the adoption process in about a year.

[mom2olivia1]

My first experience as a mother began with the adoption of two non bio toddlers in foster care together. They were two and a half....they are two months apart....and look alike (because they share the same ethnicity otherwise they look very different to us)...I too share a similar ethnic background and come from a mixed race family...all biologically brought together.

My boys are 8...everyone thinks they are twins....they fight like cats and dogs...if one is not around they also can't live without each other....

they know they are adopted, but it isn't how we label them nor how we explain to them in a way that would make them feel not ours. I explained adoption many ways as they grew older. It is almost like the story of who santa is...as they get older the story modifies. The bottom line is families are put together many different ways. for us....someone gave birth FOR US...and when it was time...we became family...we never refer to their birth as they had OTHER parents....we skip over that and explain that it was how our family was chosen to be.

now skip ahead 5 years....I got preggo with some medical help....they now have a baby sister who is 16m....they think she is the GREATEST...mind you...she is the only girl...thankfully cuz these boys (especially dh) are MESSY....and don't listen for anything....

everyone can't believe how all three children look bio related....not that it has to be that way or a topic, but people who know...just can't get over it and i just say...because it was meant to be this way.

now we are talking about going back to the doc and getting pregoo again....so that would mean i gave birth to the two youngest and someone else graciously gave birth to my oldest....aside from that...and aside from the fact i sadly missed their first two years....we are just like any other type of family.

regarding the sibs...I don't foresee issues as it would specifically relate to adoption vs non adoption....and since my best friend is adopted and she was the youngest and her older sibs were bio born....she felt no different either....and she is near 40 now.

that was a lonnnngggg

[elabela]

I just wanted to say I really appreciate this thread a lot. I don't think at this point that bio children will be a part of our life, but if they were I was worried about whether birth order, or adoption/bio order mattered. I think at this point we will be adopting a sibling group instead of 1bio/1adopt, but it's good to read some experiences on it.

[slingmommy]

We adopted a 2yo first, then had a (surprise!) bio baby 8m later. We've always talked openly about how each of them came into our family (in fact, that was their bedtime story tonite) and they're both young enough that I'm not sure if they totally "get it" but we haven't had any bio/adopted issues. My boys are brothers - they play together, they pester each other, they have their own little language, they beat each other up. Once the initial transition is over, you're just family.

[momx3b]

Children learn what we teach them. If they are young and treated like siblings, they will grow and be siblings. The other differences are just like any family - personality. We have an adopted 3yo and bio twin girls. They love each other already!

Some families do well with adopting a sibling older than the existing child(ren) but not all do - some countries will only allow adoption of a younger sibling because it mimics the typical biological progression of a family, thus preventing some unusual problems. Thought you might find that interesting.

Congrats with choosing adoption and best wishes with you addition to come!
Lisa

[PandaBren]

I am an adult Adoptee. I have siblings that are bio to my parents and my sister is also an adoptee (we are not bio related). My siblings and I dislike each other as much as if we were bio siblings, lol. J/K, my sister and I are super close and I'm very close with my brother too.

I am also an adoptive mommy. My ODD is bio, my MDD is a KAD (Korean adoptee) like me and my youngest, our suprise, is also bio. My girls just know they are "sisters." They know our MDD was born in Korea and not from my belly.

My oldest 2 are like 2 peas in a pod. They are 10 days shy of a year and my MDD thought that she was twins w/her sister (they get asked a lot if they are twins because they like to wear matching clothes but they look nothing alike). While my girls have very differnet personalities the two older ones are as close as can be. They finish each others sentences, tell me what the other one is thinking, ect. My YDD isn't as close w/her sisters but I think it's more to do with the age gap then anything (she is almost 3 years younger then my MDD).

~Bren