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Old 06-19-2008, 06:41 AM   #1
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vintagegyrl
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Do your kids Earn things they want??

Hi!
I feel like our DSs are getting really spoiled. But I dont feel like we are spoiling them. We take care of thier needs. We do not give into things at the store, etc. In a way, it seems they always want something else. We'll get them new shoes, special ones they want, or take them for ice cream. We have fun doing this as a family, so it is a treat. But then we get home and they are terrors trying to get them to bed. or the next day DS will see something else he wants and pouts and cries bc he thinks that will work. I dont get it for him, but for some reason he has to throw a screaming/pouting fit. he is 4.5 yo!!

How do u deal with this? It makes me want to take the things away that we have purchased. Speed Racer crocs were his latest thing. I was making something special for when the baby is born that I thought he didnt see. Well, he saw it and I told him he had to wait until then, and he threw a fit. So I decided to also take away the shoes, which probably doesnt make sense, but I was just so mad!! They got haircuts/lolipops last night, out for dinner, ice cream and new shoes. Some of this we are just trying to get ready for baby and have things done ahead of time. So we are buying more food/snacks than usual, etc. and I wonder if they have picked up on this.

The problem with giving things for good behavior is that every time we say, you were really a good boy!" DS asks - what do I get for it??

Im thinking maybe it's time for a new chore chart to earn money to buy things. But this seems like a lot of work with a new baby due next month. Any ideas? How old were your kids when they started earning things??

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Last edited by vintagegyrl; 06-19-2008 at 06:55 AM.
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Old 06-19-2008, 07:45 AM   #2
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Re: Do your kids Earn things they want??

A few thoughts..kids this age don't have a grasp of money. I mean, they know what it is, they know that it trades for something they want, but they don't really understand the mechanics.
I kept a small notebook in my purse when the boys were small. If we saw something they really, really wanted, it went on the list right then. When it came time for birthdays or Christmas we'd take out the list, go over the items and cross off what he wasn't interested in any more.

I also found that talking about the item helped a bunch. Yeah, that is a really cool toy! It winds up and everything! Awesome! It just sort of reinforced their feelings - not that they needed the toy, but that they saw something that interested them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vintagegyrl View Post
Hi!
The problem with giving things for good behavior is that every time we say, you were really a good boy!" DS asks - what do I get for it??
You hit the nail on the head right here. Alfie Kohn has a book called Punished By Rewards, if you're interested in reinforcing your belief in that theory. There's also an article online called The Power (and Peril) of Praise. It's mostly about school-aged children, but a good read.

We try to avoid the 'good boy/good girl' label. Focusing on the specific act does a lot more for the child in question - they get to own the pride/disappointment. The parent isn't telling them how to feel. They get to learn more vocabulary, and it builds communication. There's not much you can answer to "Good boy!", but if you say something specific, like "You were very patient standing in line" it opens the channel for the child to state how he felt or other opinions. "I didn't want to" "I'm glad we're all done!" or my favorite, "What's patience?"

As far as the "what do I get for it?" That's easy...."Satisfaction."
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