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Old 06-24-2008, 12:34 PM   #1
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I am horrified! And annoyed!

I am horrified that DS whos is 4 responded this way to my Stepmom when she gave him some books as a gift.

"Why didn't you get me books that I like?"

She told me this after their visit and to let me know that she was shipping some different/new books to him. I would be mortified except she doesnt think it was bad for him to say that. I really dont want him getting something else because he refused a gift. They are asking me to go ahead and give him the books - or at least one when they arrive. I am so annoyed that they are encouraging me to spoil him. I dont raise my kids this way.

SM never had kids so maybe she doesnt get it?? Help. Any suggestions for how to handle this? I mean, they are my kids!

They are the ones coming to watch DS's when I have the baby next month. ugh.

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Old 06-24-2008, 12:39 PM   #2
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Re: I am horrified! And annoyed!

These are grandparents. I know it is the principle of the thing but right before a baby is born is probably not the time for him to "learn this lesson" and you need to pick and choose your battles. Is this the most important battle to go after?
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Old 06-24-2008, 12:41 PM   #3
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Re: I am horrified! And annoyed!

kids, they say the darndest things.

You need to just sit him down and talk to him about accepting gifts. Just teach him to smile and say thank you. Tell him it hurts peoples feelings to not like a gift they give him. Put it in a way he will understand.

My kids through the years, were given lots of gifts they did not like. They were ALLOWED to tell US (their parents) that they did not like presents they were given, but they were not allowed to tell gift givers (grandparents, etc) that they didn't like them.

As the years went by, the grandparents did start ASKING what would be good...and that made it better!
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Old 06-24-2008, 12:42 PM   #4
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Re: I am horrified! And annoyed!

good point!
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Old 06-24-2008, 12:43 PM   #5
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Re: I am horrified! And annoyed!

At least he is still little! He probably doesn't really understand that it's inappropriate to say that. I remember when my cousin, who was 10 at the time, asked my dad "Okay, where are my REAL presents?" at Christmas after my dad just gave him a $100 Steeler's jersey.

Maybe just have a sit down with his stepmom and try to tell her that you're working on manners, and what she's doing may appear to him like she is rewarding him for the wrong behavior? That way it doesn't sound like you're talking down to her?

ETA: Ah I read it wrong, I thought it was his stepmom. Sorry!

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Old 06-24-2008, 01:32 PM   #6
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Re: I am horrified! And annoyed!

Sounds like a kid I would raise
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Old 06-24-2008, 01:45 PM   #7
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Re: I am horrified! And annoyed!

Aww mama, it's just the age. They are learning to socially be accpetable. He's just blunt and honest. We are teaching Brennan now how he can hurt people's feelings by saying everything in his mind. You should hear what he told the lady in the shoe store. Lets just say it had to do w/ why she had missing teeth and how he told her to brush them.
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Old 06-24-2008, 01:53 PM   #8
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Re: I am horrified! And annoyed!

Sounds like my oldest son and honestly I don't stop him when he says it because my MIL gives them the worst stuff (like for Christmas one year she got him a boix full of cr@p from the $ store including a math book?? Most everything she gets them comes from the $ store and I have to throw it away and buy them something else myself because I don't trust it to be safe to use) so I figure better him than me! It's probably not right of me to let him get away with saying that to her but she won't get mad at him like she would at me and it's kinda sunk in over the years, she's gotten better and has finally gotten the 1 nice $5 gift beats a $15 box full of trash message. They are just kids and I HATE teacing him not to be honest cause essentially that is what I'm telling him to do. It's hard to teach them the fine line between honesty and sparing someone's feelings but he'll learn it when he's older. If she's not upset then I wouldn't worry about it at all.
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Old 06-24-2008, 02:22 PM   #9
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Re: I am horrified! And annoyed!

I agree with the pp's... its just age When I was little, probably the same age, my parents got me a cabbage patch doll for Christmas with brown hair. I got upset because I wanted the one with blonde hair. ALL my toys were taken away for like a month because I didn't "appreciate" my gift. Now of course I dont remember, but my parents have told me about it several times. That's just mean and I don't recommend doing anything like that I think I would rather someone tell me they don't like what i got them and not lie, if I'm buying something for someone I want them to like it or get some use out of it, ya know? But that's just me
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Old 06-24-2008, 02:39 PM   #10
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Re: I am horrified! And annoyed!

Personally, I'd just sit down and talk with ds. I agree with the pp's and the age thing - I've had this talk with ds1. I also agree with talking to him about gifts, being appreciative, and how something like that could hurt someones feelings.

I've had to talk to ds1 recently even though I think what he was saying was totally age appropriate. Not related to this thread, but he was commenting about people and their appearance/size.
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