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Old 10-03-2006, 07:45 PM   #21
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

Thank you so much for posting this. I'm also struggling with some of the posts lately.

I wasn't able to breastfeed my first daughter and I've never forgiven myself for it because of all the "guilt" I get when visiting breastfeeding forums.

I almost bled to death with her birth and was barely conscious for the first 3 days of her life, so between her preference for a bottle from the get go, and my loss of blood (even after 2 blood transfusions I didn't have a normal blood count for almost 8 months) I couldn't get enough milk to sustain her or even get her to the breast without extreme trauma on both our parts...YES, my reason for not breastfeeding was valid and I don't think anyone would tell me it wasn't....but the attitudes I hear from everyone make me feel bad still.

"I dealt with every problem imagineable and I still made it work so I don't see why they couldn't!"

Obviously they didn't deal with my problem.

Breastfeeding is hard work and it's commendable to do it, but it's not condemnable if you don't.

We all do what's best and obviously some people think they know what's best for other people's children.

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Old 10-03-2006, 08:06 PM   #22
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I have really mixed feelings.

This time around (my last pregnancy, and my last child) I have gone through sheer hell to breastfeed my daughter. *insert really, really long tale of woe*. She's just turned one year old and is still breastfeeding - I'm proud that we've made it so long, but I've never felt superior to another mother for it.

I *do* feel bad when I hear bad advice someone got from an LC, hospital, ped, nurse etc that made them decide to stop BFing. If it's a handy excuse for them that's cool; if they quit only because of that bad advice, then I just feel badly for them for getting crappy advice. And if they quit just cuz - hey who cares? Happy baby, happy mom - all else is just icing on the cake.

I FF my first child 100% - he would never latch, and the LC I had was horrible. I had no clue what I was doing, I was totally uninformed. Never felt a lick of guilt for FF and I still don't. My second was FTT at six weeks and nursed around the clock (truly excessive.. because she couldn't get much milk at all... we didn't know that then, though.) I was a zombie with horrible PPD. We made it to about three months with supplementing and then she was FF.

This child *refer back to horrible tale of woe* I've struggled and struggled and finally had to make peace with my PCOS and other conditions that gave me a low supply. She has been supplemented since about 8 days old but we've still "made it" and I have no plans to stop any time soon.

Go figure -the one child I've had the most success BF with is the one I feel the most guilt over and the most stress. Most boards didn't help, and I got REALLY tired of people assuming over and over again that when I said I had a low supply, that I just hadn't tried X and Y or I was "looking for an excuse to quit". Just because a low supply is rare, doesn't mean it doesn't ACTUALLY happen to a few women, and it was sucky that I ended up being one of them.

Women just tear each other apart for choices - I've never seen men do this. Sorry if that's sexist, it's just really what I've observed over the years.
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Old 10-03-2006, 09:08 PM   #23
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Summer View Post
I will NEVER understand why women are so hard on
other women.
Another in agreement with this. I am very very pro- breastfeeding. I am also nosy and will ask pregnant friends if they plan to breastfeed. I will encourage those that do and try to help those that want to try. And, while it kind of saddens me when a woman doesn't even try, it really isn't my business. I am blessed to be able to bf. It was VERY difficult, but so worth it. But I am also thankful that I live now, when formula is there should I ever need it for some reason.
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Old 10-03-2006, 10:06 PM   #24
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I have to apologize a bit for my post I'm suffering from some mad insomnia not to mention pms-ing bad. AKA I was crabby and tired and said more than I really should have.

I should say, My mama FF me and my other 2 siblings and I would never hold a grudge against her for it, and I guess that's all that matters in the end...
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Old 10-06-2006, 01:11 PM   #25
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

i do think that women should at least try to bf if nothing else. i will say honestly that with ds#1 i DID NOT WANT TO BF. my dh is the one that actually talked me into it. and i did stop bfing when he was 5 months old for a few reasons...dh wanted me to stop for several reasons (he wanted to feed him, and he wanted "his" boobies back LOL), and i couldn't get pumping to work to save my life and i needed to go back to work. ds #2 i stopped at 7 months b/c it just felt right to stop. probably had i had a support outlet i would've been able to continue to nurse. my goal this time is to nurse to a full year at least, i have this forum to help me with that and a couple good friends here who have and are still nursing. i have to admit that's so helpful b/c i have NO support (besides dh) from my family to help me accomplish this.

anyhow...no i don't bash a ff mother...but i do wish they would at least TRY to bf, and i know some of them do. i just wish MORE of them did. that's all. but i don't bash them...unless they have some ignorant reason why they don't want to, and even then i would never say anything..to their face, just to a close friend to get it off my chest lol.
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Old 10-06-2006, 01:13 PM   #26
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why do you insist on grating my cheese...my kids already do that
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

sorry would like to delete that comment....:blushes:
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Last edited by myajdw; 10-06-2006 at 01:15 PM. Reason: my comment may have sounded ignorant and rude lol
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Old 10-06-2006, 09:26 PM   #27
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

It's a personal choice to bf or not. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you want. What matters is that your happy and your baby is happy. I wanted to bf but couldn't get any help so I decided to pump. I was time consuming but worth it. Due to medical issues I had to put my baby on a special formula. It ended up being the best for her but I still carry significant guilt. Reguardless of the guilt I know I did the right thing for MY child. So when people as "Aren't you bfing" I just say "no" and end it there. Your doing what you think is right for your baby and no one knows your baby better than you.
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Old 10-06-2006, 10:51 PM   #28
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Summer View Post
I really don't understand why it would even bother some mama's what other women are doing. As long as your doing what "YOU" want to then thats all that should really matter.

I will NEVER understand why women are so hard on other women.
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Old 10-07-2006, 09:35 PM   #29
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I think everyone should be allowed to be honest! Hurt feelings and differing opinions are always going to come out of hot button topics like these. I think that if we can't all be adults about this and accept other people opinions for what they are - opinions - then maybe people should just stop posting controversial threads. Thats my
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Old 10-13-2006, 02:54 PM   #30
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

For those that say that every mom should at least try, or the ones that say that if a woman is capable of BF and doesnt is selfish how do you think that makes FF mothers feel ??

What if they dont have a desire to ?? Should they do it anyways and make themselves un happy just because the have the capability to produce milk ??

I honestly dont see that wether a mom nurses, pumps or FF should matter to the next mom. She isnt bothering you your yours.

We all know that Breast is best and all know the statistics, but come on. A mom should never be pressured into BF just because of statistics.
And she should never have to explain herself to someone.

I FF DS because I honestly had no desire what so ever to nurse. It never crossed my mind twice. When the nurse tried to get me to nurse after I told her NO several times... It really upset me I was in tears and was angry.

And I guarantee that you can not tell my son apart from one that was BF.

BF moms (not all), LC, nurses, docs tend to make FF moms feel like they are the worst ppl on earth because they chose not to BF. Honestly, SO WHAT if they chose not to ?? The baby is being fed and its not hurting you in the slightest bit.
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