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Old 10-14-2006, 07:43 PM   #31
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

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Originally Posted by Indianamom*2 View Post
For those that say that every mom should at least try, . . .(edited by ME)how do you think that makes FF mothers feel ??

What if they dont have a desire to ?? Should they do it anyways and make themselves un happy just because the have the capability to produce milk ??
I agree w/ the "every mom should try" thing (don't hit me) What if she *thought* she wouldn't like it, but ends up having a really easy, fulfilling experience? Why not try? No harm in trying. If you hate it - quit! If your supply is low, or your baby won't latch - at least you'll know you gave it a shot. Its totally your baby, and your choice. But never trying it is like saying "I hate carrots" when you've never tasted them, ya know?

I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that a mother is selfish if she CAN and DOESN'T but I do wonder how many women WOULD breastfeed if they were given more support and exposure during pregnancy. I gave up at 10 wks. w/ #1 - not because I didn't like it, but because my baby was eating and hungry all the time - and I thought it wasn't normal. When he went to his 2 month checkup and wasn't gaining right, no one said anything about how to increase my supply, they said to give him formula. Knowledge would have gone a LONG way for *this* uninformed mama!

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Old 10-15-2006, 05:05 AM   #32
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I would never "bash" a mama for formula feeding, it is her choice. I did not breastfeed my first two but am EBF this one. With ds I pumped for 6 weeks than it was all formula, I was 16 and while I knew it was best it just wasn't feeling natural to me. One day my milk was gone and I didn't try to get it back. With older dd I had severe PPD fromt he moment she was born (probably before that), after preparing fer her to not make it through the pregnancy or not survive one she was born I was not connected to her. The breast was NOT best for us, I barely wanted to hold her sometimes. Both of my older 2 had milk allergies (as do I) and I am figuring this may be my last baby so I wanted to do it all different so I could expierence it. I'll admit I was ready to fail, bottles steralized and formula bought, but it was too easy this time. Lilly is a great nurser.

You are right, there may be more to the story and I always keep that in mind. The only thing I hope is that the mama is chosing to do what is best for her and her baby be if formula or breastmilk.

I know someone breastfeeding that has the poorest diet, drinks and on occasion has smoked pot. I HOPE AND PRAY she switches to formula soon.
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Old 10-15-2006, 09:28 AM   #33
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

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Originally Posted by Lasciate View Post
I see far too many people who think breastfeeding is an all-or-nothing thing and give up completely after one formula bottle. I would so much rather see a baby get some breastmilk whenever possible than none at all.
Absolutely. That's me right there. I have a low supply. There are some days when it would be easier to just give him bottles and forget about nursing. It wouldn't take me 45 minutes to feed him, because he nurses for 30 minutes and then has to have a bottle. But he's 6 months old and I'm still keeping with it, because every bit of breastmilk he gets is better than formula.

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I have a friend who tried SOOOO hard to BF both sons, and she couldn't. She tried so hard with her 2nd DS that he was STILL losing weight at 3 weeks old because the 3 LCs she had been to all kept saying to just keep up the pumping and nursing and herbs, etc. and the milk would come. Well, it didn't and he ended up in the hospital. The 4th LC she went to said...just feed your baby. Give him formula, let him nurse, do both, just feed him. It wasnt' her fault - but b/c everyone was SO pro-BF and so determined that every female MUST be able to BF - her DSs health was compromised.
Are you talking about me?? lol. But really, that's my story all the way. They had me start supplementing in the hospital and when I got home I said no way. My baby is going to get breastmilk, period. I spent 3 days straight in bed letting him nurse 10 hours straight sometimes. It didn't help. He was a preemie and underweight anyway, and when we went back to the ped he was FTT because I hadn't been giving him any formula. She told me that my child would die if I didn't. That straightened me up really quick, but I still bawled every time I gave him a bottle. Now I just make sure to hold him close when he's getting his bottle, just like I do when I'm nursing him. Sometimes I think I hold him MORE when he's getting a bottle because I feel like I have to make up for the "wrong" that I'm doing to him. And I shouldn't feel that way because he's alive thanks to the formula that he gets. And yet I still feel terrible for giving it to him.

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Most boards didn't help, and I got REALLY tired of people assuming over and over again that when I said I had a low supply, that I just hadn't tried X and Y or I was "looking for an excuse to quit". Just because a low supply is rare, doesn't mean it doesn't ACTUALLY happen to a few women, and it was sucky that I ended up being one of them.
AMEN!!! Every time I mention my low supply, I get tons of "have you tried this, have you tried that?" I've popped every herb, tea, prescription drug, even bought drugs that aren't legal in the US and had them sent here, and I have a low supply still. But people always assume that that's BS. When I was pregnant, I kept hearing "Everyone can breastfeed. The people who say they "can't" just gave up and didn't try hard enough." This attitude (which I adopted because I didn't know any better) was what made me starve my son. I figured I just wasn't trying hard enough, and that my milk would just magically come in at some point.

With all that being said, yes, I do have a bit of a hard time understanding why people *choose* to give their children formula. I did everything in the world to bf my son, and you know what? I'm using formula for what it was INTENDED for. Formula was made for situations like mine, where the child would DIE without it. I don't understand why people would choose to give their child something that has a warning on it that it's to be used with doctor's supervision only instead of something that was MADE for them. I'm sorry if that hurts people's feelings. But I think if you CHOSE to FF and you're comfortable with that, you shouldn't care what I think. If you have to give your child formula like I do, then you shouldn't feel guilty because that's what it's there for.

Is it rat poison? No. Should it be used on a daily basis "just because"? IMO, no, it shouldn't. Why use a "drug" every single day when you could just not? (And I do consider it a drug because it is supposed to be used w/doctor suppervision only. That makes it a drug to me).
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Old 10-15-2006, 10:23 AM   #34
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I totally understand the original poster's feelings. My peeve is that people automatically assume that because the baby has a bottle in it's mouth that it must be formula. That assumption is complete ignorance. (Sorry for the harshness, but it's true) Also, (I'm definitely going to be the odd one out for this) propping a bottle can have it's place too (in our case DD#1 would not go in her car seat w/out a bottle, or a stroller or a cart in a store...and I didn't know ANYTHING about babywearing)

I have my reasons why both of my girls eventually ended up on formula and I never felt guilty about it because it was what *we* needed to do.

With DD#1 I didn't have the support that I needed to get her latched on. That's all there was to it. But just because she didn't latch on didn't mean that I wasn't pumping and feeding her. I spent three weeks with NO sleep (not anything more than an hour at a time) because she was so hungry and upset that she cried constantly. So I pumped for her for three months until my supply ran dry (again lack of information and support) Putting her on a bottle was the best choice for us. But I got really irritated when people made judgemental comments about her being on a bottle. They automatically assumed it was formula and it was always amusing to see them try to pull their foot out of their mouth when I told them it was BM.

I'm pro-bfing, but I think people can be overvealous to the point of condemning other people for their decision. On the other hand to moms who make it work & are able to ext. bf It's just like any parenting choice we make. What's best for our family may not be the best for another family. I think we should spend more time encouraging each other and less time tearing down other people's choices. Being a mom is a hard enough job without the extra stress that we put on ourselves and others for not "measuring up".
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Old 10-15-2006, 11:06 AM   #35
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

Ok here is goes... I didnt breast feed either of my kids. I wish I had though.

With my first She had a lot of problems from birth, she couldnt figure out how to swallow (born with no frenulum) I couldnt get her to even drink from a bottle It was hell till she was 14 mos and Early intervention finally taught her to eat.

I remember what a terrible experience i had trying to breastfeed her and I had no support. The LC was impataint and made me feel like a huge failure, I couldnt even get a drop of milk when i pumped either!

I got over it and felt very lucky that she turned out healthy and very very intellegent.

When I had my second, I was terrified to try again, I did try though, She got on their and I was ill, I had to throw up. I tried again later and I had to puke again. I kept remembering the bad experience i had with Julianna. I was tierd and just wanted to enjoy my new baby so I decided to just formula feed.

I feel really bad about not keeping with it with Fiona, I know it would have worked out if I could have gotten past the first experience with julianna.

I am determined to breast feed till at least 18 mos if i decide to have another child!
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Old 10-17-2006, 06:59 PM   #36
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

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Originally Posted by jkelstaten View Post
My peeve is that people automatically assume that because the baby has a bottle in it's mouth that it must be formula. That assumption is complete ignorance. (Sorry for the harshness, but it's true)

THat is the reason that I say NURSING instead of Breast feeding. Breast feeding can mean that the mother pumps and give by a bottle. Breat feeding doesnt always have to mean that the baby is fed from directly on the breast.
And bottle feeding doesnt always have to mean formula either.
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Old 10-17-2006, 09:12 PM   #37
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

Can't you usually tell the difference in color though?? I know my breastmilk has never looked anything like formula does...although I know every women is different. Quite frankly I could care less really...I just thought that would be a tip off is the color.
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Old 10-18-2006, 04:46 PM   #38
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

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Can't you usually tell the difference in color though?? I know my breastmilk has never looked anything like formula does...although I know every women is different. Quite frankly I could care less really...I just thought that would be a tip off is the color.
I can never tell between the two unless Im right there face to face with the bottle or I know what is in it. Walking past, or from a distance you cant tell unelss the BM is significantly watery or something.

My friend pumps and usues formula and I can never tell, I have to ask.
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Old 10-19-2006, 01:43 PM   #39
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

I'm not a bashing kind of person so I'd never say anything aloud on either side of the board. Nobody has a say over what I do, so I have no say over their opinions.
When my sister stopped at 2w, it was for the best--she later had severe PPD and had to be hospitalized. She says she felt bitter toward DS over having to be at his every beck and call. Now...I can't understand it myself because I'm in a totally different mental state than she is. I can't understand it, but I do not judge her. I think I'm MORE judgemental of the fact that she spends no time with DS and pawns him off on family or her DH. He entered preschool this year knowing only the letter A and to count to 5. Yesterday, he said the entire alphabet and counted to 30 for me. I can't help but feel he'd be leaps and bounds ahead if she spent some time w/ him instead of putting him in front of a tv all the time. She says that if she has another child, she's not even going to try to BF. I'm sad for her baby, but think it's best for her mental health, so good for her.
What I don't understand, is a friend of mine who's super-anal about eating only natural ingredients--only organic veggies...even for her DOG! She makes his food from scratch w/ only organic ingredients. She changes the dog's water every few hours so it doesn't get dirty, she wouldn't take Tylenol when she had a bad headache, just because she was 'getting ready to TTC.' Now, she's been blessed w/ twins after several rounds of IVF and showed interest in CD...but then said it'd take up too much time so decided to go w/ sposies. (I don't understand because her Mom is moving out her to care for the babies f/t.) She also said she's just going to start w/ formula right off the bat because she doesn't know how she'll keep up w/ twins and 'it'll be impossible to BF so much'. (Another thing I don't understand when she seemed so particular about what goes into her and her DOG'S bodies!)
So, I'm not judging her. I can't imagine having twins! I can't believe I got ONE baby out of me. I don't UNDERSTAND how she's not even going to try to BF, but I don't think any different of her.
I'm more surprised when I DO see someone NIP, as there're so many bottle-fed babies around me. Again, I really don't care what other people do (as long as they're not abusing their DC) and am more of an observer than a judge.
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Old 10-19-2006, 02:06 PM   #40
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Re: Breastfeeding & bashing

From the perspective of a mother of 4 exclusively bf'd kids, I can tell you that I've NEVER in my life, bashed, or been opinionated for that matter, for moms that chose (or don't chose by choice) to ff their babies. I respect them in there decision. ONLY THEY know what's right for them and their babies. The ff moms that I know are some of the best parents I've seen in my life.

OTOH, I was on the phone with my own mother the other day and she bashed me for still bfing my soon to be 2 y.o. dd. After 4 kids and 8 years so far of bfing, you'd think she'd quit and keep her opinions to herself a little more, but nope My MIL though gives her total support.
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