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Old 10-03-2006, 06:09 PM   #1
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How do you know if your done having kids

I never thought I would ever say this...but I wouldn't mind trying for a boy. I have 2 beautiful girls, but I still think about having a boy. My husband was an only child and the last one to pass on the family name. He's says he is very happy with the girls and he has never said anything about him not having a boy. Yet, I feel guilty that we didn't have one. We always are telling people that we are done, and there is no way we would have another. But how do you know? I had 2 complicated pregnancies and I wouldn't want to take the chance, but I even question that. Is this just my hormones talking or do I really want another? Last night after "having relations" with my husband, he asked me are we sure we're done. He says he is very happy with 2, especially since they are so close. But he never really would come out and say that he doesn't want another. I could go on and on, so I ask those that are done, how did you know?
Right now we are not ttc, however I'm not on the pill and refuse to go on it (it really messes me up). We are planning on him getting fixed, but not for atleast another 6 months. Right now its just the pull out game, but I know thats not exactly the safest method. I can't use condoms because of the latex, I'm still bfing so I can't count the days, so part of me thinks...maybe we're not done?

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Old 10-03-2006, 06:17 PM   #2
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Re: How do you know if your done having kids

Well in our case, we had a ten year old and were very settled in our careers when we found out we were ecpecting twins (at our first appiontment at 8 wks). Now we have three boys. I always wondered what having a girl would be like but I know I just can't handle anymore and I feel like I would not have enough time(one on one) for each of my children if I had more. I also worry about being able to afford college educations and things like that. I want my kids to have more than I did. Another thing is daycare. If I had more, I couldn't afford daycare for the twins and another and we couldn't support 6 on just his income. We also do not use protection (pull-out only ) and if it were to happen of coarse we would just have to make it work but......

I don't know if this really helps YOU, but for us...we just know.
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Old 10-03-2006, 06:38 PM   #3
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Re: How do you know if your done having kids

I always tell friends, if there is any chance at all EVER that you would want another baby, wait. Give it a couple years, and see if you still feel like your family is done, before making any permanent decisions. Talk about it every couple months with your DH. You don't have to decide right now if you're done or not. IMO it sounds like you're not

Personally, with each baby, I have gotten to about this time (around 7-8 months) and started to feel like someone was missing. Not that I want another baby right now- I don't- but I guess it's just a nagging feeling like I am not done and that my family will grow again. I do wonder if after my last, I won't feel that way any more.
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Old 10-03-2006, 07:00 PM   #4
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Re: How do you know if your done having kids

It's a good question that I don't know the answer to. I totally agree with PP - if you have any doubt AT ALL (or maybe even if you don't) don't do something permanent. I have heard (anecdotally, I don't have any hard facts) of so many moms or dads getting 'fixed' and then wishing they hadn't.

For me, I never knew if I even wanted 1. Now I think we might be done at 1. When I started thinking that, that we might just have 1 and that's ok, I felt sort of more 'peaceful'. But I am not a natural SAHM,although I am staying at home with DS, so I'm maybe not a good example.

Good luck withyour decision...the lovely thing is that it doesn't have to be made right now!
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Old 10-03-2006, 07:10 PM   #5
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Re: How do you know if your done having kids

You know, several of my friends who are "done," have just KNOWN. Like how you know you're supposed to marry they guy you marry.

We're not done . . . we are for now, but not forever.
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Old 10-03-2006, 09:48 PM   #6
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Re: How do you know if your done having kids

I still am unsure if I'm done. Being a single mama I don't know when I'm going to be in the financial position to have more kids (not to mention in a healthy relationship)

That will be years from now obviously and I don't feel I want to start over then. I love my girls...but when they are 6 and 7, I can't see myself having more.

Most people I know who decided on no more, just knew. I wouldn't suggest making the decision the first year after your child is born though, that is the hardest time hehe. You are hormonal and you are already missing your newborn and your pregnancy....kwim?
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Old 10-05-2006, 11:16 AM   #7
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Re: How do you know if your done having kids

If you AND your hubby have that nagging in your gut you're NOT done. I'd love to have more (I have 2-2y/o and 4 m/o) but DH is done so we're done. I think his knowing is more out of praticality than anything else. He says we should just lavish attention on our two instead of trying to spread what we've got around. I think we have more than enough to go around--but when you're married you're only as good as your lowest number! LOL! I don't think either one of us will ever get fixed b/c what would happen if (please God no) everyone but you died in a car crash or something? If you (or hubby) got remarried would you want to have a family again? I know it's horrible to think about but what if? If only my DH was left and he got remarried I would want him to have a family again he is a fantastic Daddy. Just my thoughts.
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Old 10-05-2006, 11:27 AM   #8
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Re: How do you know if your done having kids

We are going through the exact same thing right now (so if you come up with the answer, let me know!!)

We thought we were done when we had our second dd as 2 kids is a "normal" (according to everyone else) number of kids. For 2yrs I just felt like someone was missing & that I really wanted another baby so dh finally agreed. We had 3 m/c's trying for a 3rd, 2 of which required d&cs at 10 & 11wks & I was an emergency surgery. With fertility drugs we were finally able to stay pg with our 3rd dd Sofia after a year of ttc. I really think that spooked dh. After I had Sofia, I was just so glad to finally have her that I really thought I was totally done having kids, but now she's almost 2 & I am thinking I do want a 4th. Dh & I have been talking about it alot lately. I want to ttc now so I can have the baby (hopefully) before my Masters program starts next fall.
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Old 10-05-2006, 11:28 AM   #9
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Re: How do you know if your done having kids

Of people that I know that are DONE, they really just said that they knew they didn't want anymore (or a spouse). For my Mom, she wanted more, but things went bad, my Dad left when I was a baby and she didn't remarry until late in life, so things took their own course.

For DH and myself, we take them one at a time. I do have a limit as to how close I want the kids, but that is for my own sanity!! I did not fully enjoy #2 and #3 being 19 months apart, but God had other plans. I like to have the youngest to be at least 2 before getting PG, this time our youngest is 3 and we are due in Dec. LOTS of people ask if we are done, but neither one of us knows yet. We will have to wait until our baby is 2 and then make a decision. I am very suprised and the number of people that rely on pull out!! LOL I managed to get PG with #3 while on POP pills and exclusivaly BF with pulling out most of the time. We usually get PG the MONTH we decide to try, this time took longer......the second month. Plus, I am not a person that misses being PG, other than the excitement and awe of creating life-I feel sick and tired the first half and increadibly swollen, tired, and achy the second half. The babies are worth it, BUT if God choose to have DH carry one for 8-9 months, I wouldn't turn Him down.

Sherrie
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Old 10-05-2006, 12:47 PM   #10
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Re: How do you know if your done having kids

I've thought I was done both times postpartum, but I've always changed my mind! LOL!

If you want a method of BC that isn't hormonal like the Pill, you might try learning some form of NFP to use for now and delay the vas for a year or two until you feel really sure. You can have a vas reversed, I know, but it's costly and doesn't always work. I am really scared of those permanent things like sterilization, but, then again, I hyperventilate over things like buying a car or even a new front door to our house! Just do whatever your heart tells you! cheesy, I know!
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