"bossy" toddler

[Ooey]

Any advice on how to handle a toddler who is being bossy and even trying to tell the parents what to do? Whilder has recently started giving us commands and it's really starting to get old. She points her finger at me or DH and says "YOU GO HERE" or "GO, MY MOVIE NOW." Most of the time she says please when she wants something and is very polite in general but it almost seems like she knows she's being a brat when she does this. I'm not exactly sure how to react to it...she seems to get really upset and angry if we ignore her and it just seems like there must be a better way to deal with this kind of behavior.

Any experience with this or advice?

[ladyvno]

Oh man I wish I knew! Millie's demands usually include "have a seat!" and recently "move". I sometimes (when I remember) correct her by saying it the right way. Sometimes she copies me, sometimes not.

[LuAnn]

With ds1 we can usually make a game out of it (ex> if I ask him to pick up his toys and he says NO you mommy, so Ill say "I'll bet you can do ----faster than I can)
I will also ask him to use please, and he is usually pretty good about it
if it comes bad enough Ill ignore him (if he starts a tantrum) he gets taken to his room for a couple minutes to cool off (we dont call it time-out) but sometimes he needs a few minutes of cooling off just like I do at times...

good luck

ETA: I try really hard to make him laugh when hes being bossy...for ex. you said shell say "you go here" turn it around acting silly saying no you go here...than after shes acting silly with you ,she may just ask please you go here...
thats what ds usually does

[shelbell]

Can you have her be "bossy" with her dolls or toys? Maybe tell her it's not ok to tell mommmy & daddy what to do but that she's in charge of her dollls?

[Menfusse]

When my dd is being bossy and demanding of us, I don't ignore her exactly. I say very calmly and kind of quietly so she has to stop and make it a point to listen closely, "You may not tell mommy and daddy what to do. If you'd like your movie, you have to ask nicely." Sometimes she gets angry and heads toward tantrum mode, sometimes she just tries to boss again, something like "I SAID MOVIE NOW". I say to her quietly again, "You will not get your movie until you ask nicely. Say 'mommy, please can I have a movie'" It's taken persistance and alot of biting my tongue, but it's working. She's starting to catch herself and say things like "oh, I'm talking nicely".

[Kestlyn]

Originally Posted by Menfusse When my dd is being bossy and demanding of us, I don't ignore her exactly. I say very calmly and kind of quietly so she has to stop and make it a point to listen closely, "You may not tell mommy and daddy what to do. If you'd like your movie, you have to ask nicely." Sometimes she gets angry and heads toward tantrum mode, sometimes she just tries to boss again, something like "I SAID MOVIE NOW". I say to her quietly again, "You will not get your movie until you ask nicely. Say 'mommy, please can I have a movie'" It's taken persistance and alot of biting my tongue, but it's working. She's starting to catch herself and say things like "oh, I'm talking nicely".

We pretty much do this too. How's West doing?

[jewelzbird]

With toddlers I always had to 9as a nanny) hand them a phrase that was appropriate. You can say like "Movie please mommy." then when they say it i tell them "That way makes me happy to do it!" Over time it would adapt to "that way makes me not want to do it, can you use nice words please?"

[babyGmommy]

Originally Posted by Menfusse When my dd is being bossy and demanding of us, I don't ignore her exactly. I say very calmly and kind of quietly so she has to stop and make it a point to listen closely, "You may not tell mommy and daddy what to do. If you'd like your movie, you have to ask nicely." Sometimes she gets angry and heads toward tantrum mode, sometimes she just tries to boss again, something like "I SAID MOVIE NOW". I say to her quietly again, "You will not get your movie until you ask nicely. Say 'mommy, please can I have a movie'" It's taken persistance and alot of biting my tongue, but it's working. She's starting to catch herself and say things like "oh, I'm talking nicely".

thanks for writing that thats what i do! you saved me all that typing!

[moonphishers]

Originally Posted by Menfusse When my dd is being bossy and demanding of us, I don't ignore her exactly. I say very calmly and kind of quietly so she has to stop and make it a point to listen closely, "You may not tell mommy and daddy what to do. If you'd like your movie, you have to ask nicely." Sometimes she gets angry and heads toward tantrum mode, sometimes she just tries to boss again, something like "I SAID MOVIE NOW". I say to her quietly again, "You will not get your movie until you ask nicely. Say 'mommy, please can I have a movie'" It's taken persistance and alot of biting my tongue, but it's working. She's starting to catch herself and say things like "oh, I'm talking nicely".

Basically what not to do is do what she's demanding. (thats probably obvious, huh ) and don't worry about the tantrum. It won't kill her And she'll learn eventaully #1 can't demand things #2 her freak outs won't benefit her either.

GOod luck! You gotta be tougher than her

[tallanvor]

We do something similar to the non-exactly ignoring. Sometimes I look at them, raise my eyebrows, and say "excuse me?" and they rephrase it. Sometimes I just out and out ignore them. Depends on the mood. But the ignoring works better now that they are older than it did when they were little.