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Old 07-11-2008, 07:50 PM   #11
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

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Karen...

I completely understand your stance if you're only looking at domestic adoption of caucasian children...there is a ton of demand and very few available children.

But there are so many children in foster care, domestic adoption of minorities, and international adoption where babies really need good homes and the demand is very small compared to the need.
OK, you're totally right about that, good point. In our case, we are open to minority babies and the baby we just lost was a minority baby, so I wasn't thinking about that as a factor. There are more babies available overseas, but my DH and I aren't good candidates because I have a chronic health condition that requires daily medication and our social worker told us that excluded us from consideration for many countries that won't take adoptive parents on daily meds. So, you're right, I'm just talking about domestic infants. Sorry, again, I didn't mean to offend or be insensitive.

this is just a very personal topic for me right now and I'm sorry, I'll stop posting on this thread now

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Old 07-11-2008, 08:16 PM   #12
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

[QUOTE=ChocolateMoose;4130885]Oh...and back to the topic...(LOL)...
QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but exactly how was my post off topic? I thought I was responding to the topic.
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Old 07-11-2008, 08:56 PM   #13
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

I am fertal murtal but I still want to adopt
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:49 AM   #14
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

I think she meant that she had gotten off the topic she meant to post about...her plans for adoption...

But hey Karen I am glad you posted on my thread! no flames coming from here at all...or anywhere so far that i see! You make a good point. And I did think about that issue before. There is still a part of me that can remember the fear and pain of infertility issues. It took us a year to get pregnant..not long to you maybe...but for that time I was afraid it might never happen. I have seen the pain in friends with trying trying trying, them fertility drugs, invitro, the whole long journey. It is not something to throw flames at for sure! And you wanting a newborn is totally understandable! Thank you for your honesty. It had to be said. i am sure many have thought it before your post. I have to agree, and maybe it is self serving here, that there are plenty of children that need homes and if anything probably a need for more parents to adopt than less. But I validate your position and feel for it very much! And I would not adopt a healthy white newborn baby, which are in high demand.
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Old 07-12-2008, 12:20 PM   #15
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

First your social worker was not honest with you. I take daily meds for my thyroid condition and that doesn't exclude me from ANY international adoption programs. My weight disqualifies me from Korea for anything but a special needs child through Holt. And, my number of children in my home disqualifies me from several programs. But, my taking daily meds for my thyroid has NEVER been an issue in any of our adoptions.

Further, if you are talking about domestic caucasian adoptions, I really don't think its your place to say whether someone can put their hat in the arena or not. Domestic infant adoptions is almost entirely operated by birthmothers CHOOSING who adopts their children. And, I think who they want to adopt their child should be left up to the individual expectant woman, not someone desperate to adopt.

The fact is that there are far more families seeking to adopt than domestic healthy caucasians infants available for adoption. On one hand, this is a good situation for pregnant women, as it gives them lots of choice for their child. On the other hand, allowing fertile couples to seek to adopt as well really isn't going to make much of a difference for the rest with their hats in the pile.

We happen to adopt special needs and older children intentionally. We would do that whether we were fertile or not, as this is where we feel called to stand. However, if you forced families to take the children we take simply because they are biologically capable of having children, you would destroy the lives of children AND families.

The bottom line is that no matter how anxious someone might be to have a child, at the end of the day adoption is NOT about finding a child for a family. Its about finding a family...the right family...for a child. Adoption is about finding the best interest for the individual child. And, being infertile doesn't somehow give anyone the priority of being best interest, just as being fertile does not make a family the best option for a special needs child.
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Old 07-12-2008, 03:18 PM   #16
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

I was adopted from Korea 26 years ago. DH and I have 2 biological children...we DO NOT have fertility issues. We are in the process of adopting a little boy from Korea with minor special needs. I think the Bible calls us to take care of orphans. There are not nearly enough infertile couples to adopt all the children who need homes. Healthy, caucasian, infants are a different story and we did have thoughts about not taking a baby away from an infertile couple. But there are hundreds of thousands of other orphans who need homes. Adoption is not just for infertile couples.
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Old 07-12-2008, 03:52 PM   #17
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

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Originally Posted by TestifyToLove View Post
First your social worker was not honest with you. I take daily meds for my thyroid condition and that doesn't exclude me from ANY international adoption programs. My weight disqualifies me from Korea for anything but a special needs child through Holt. And, my number of children in my home disqualifies me from several programs. But, my taking daily meds for my thyroid has NEVER been an issue in any of our adoptions.

Further, if you are talking about domestic caucasian adoptions, I really don't think its your place to say whether someone can put their hat in the arena or not. Domestic infant adoptions is almost entirely operated by birthmothers CHOOSING who adopts their children. And, I think who they want to adopt their child should be left up to the individual expectant woman, not someone desperate to adopt.

The fact is that there are far more families seeking to adopt than domestic healthy caucasians infants available for adoption. On one hand, this is a good situation for pregnant women, as it gives them lots of choice for their child. On the other hand, allowing fertile couples to seek to adopt as well really isn't going to make much of a difference for the rest with their hats in the pile.

We happen to adopt special needs and older children intentionally. We would do that whether we were fertile or not, as this is where we feel called to stand. However, if you forced families to take the children we take simply because they are biologically capable of having children, you would destroy the lives of children AND families.

The bottom line is that no matter how anxious someone might be to have a child, at the end of the day adoption is NOT about finding a child for a family. Its about finding a family...the right family...for a child. Adoption is about finding the best interest for the individual child. And, being infertile doesn't somehow give anyone the priority of being best interest, just as being fertile does not make a family the best option for a special needs child.
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Old 07-12-2008, 05:17 PM   #18
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

I have 2 bio kids and we're adopting right now. I "can" have bio kids obviously but it's not easy for me and they are huge. One about died and left me with alot of emotional distress over becoming pregnant again but honestly NONE of that has anything to do with my desire to adopt. That takes me to Karen's post. I realize you weren't trying to be offensive and I choose not to be offended but you will want to be careful saying that to other people because it is offensive and it comes from a place of complete misinformation on the amount of orphans. I'm not just talking about international either. In Ethiopia alone there are 4.6 MILLION orphans. We were called twice in the past 2 years from an agency I have no contact with to adopt a newborn biracial baby from Florida. My pastors had adopted thru this agency twice and they knew we were interested in adopting so they gave them our name because they are having such a hard time finding homes for healthy, biracial newborns. There are so many children that need families that you shouldn't see someone adopting a baby as a threat to your ability to adopt. You need to seriously look into a different social worker because I'm afraid she's giving you ALOT of bad information.

This is where our desire to adopt was birthed. In the sheer number or orphans.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:46 PM   #19
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

I am so clueless as to why biracial newborns would be less desirable to couples. Maybe I am being offensive now if that is your situation... but I would be honored to take a biracial baby and I am as white as they come. To be honest that is one of the perks of adoption in my mind...getting a child that looks like one I could not even dream of being able to make myself. They are so beautiful!
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Old 07-12-2008, 09:08 PM   #20
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Re: adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

I am able to have bio children but it takes us forever (I am pg now after almost 2 years of TTC). We had started the adoption process right before we got pg (go figure). We will pick up after the baby is born.

As hard as it is for us to get pg, it is a real possibility that this will be our last bio child. We could but the stress is just way too much.

jewelzbird~ I don't understand, either. But you have to remember that what's right for one family is not right for another. There might be legit reasons other than they just don't want a baby of a different race.
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