adoption-not just for the fertility challenged

[tink]

Originally Posted by jewelzbird I am so clueless as to why biracial newborns would be less desirable to couples. Maybe I am being offensive now if that is your situation... but I would be honored to take a biracial baby and I am as white as they come. To be honest that is one of the perks of adoption in my mind...getting a child that looks like one I could not even dream of being able to make myself. They are so beautiful!

Because there are many shades of biracial children, and some look full African-American and not biracial. So, if potential adoptive parents are not comfortable parenting a child that looks African-American, it is wise not to parent a child that is biracial, and that is why many do not choose that route. We did though, and we are happy as clams, and feel honored as well!

[newmommy13]

i think it is sad that a baby gets adopted or doesn't get adopted based solely on the color of their skin. maybe i am naive but the thought just makes me sick. i know it happens and it really is a clear indicator of where the emphasis is in our society.

[tink]

Yeah, I agree. however, I am happy that prospective adoptive parents do some bit of soul searching to determine whether or not they are up to the task of transracially adopting. Not everyone is up to being a sometimes conspicuous family.

[mhaddon]

DH and I will have 3 bio and have discussed adopting in the future as well. He was very against it before we had our first, but now he seems interested in the idea. I have a few very good friends that were adopted and one that works with adoption now and I know she would help us through the process. I know God has blessed us with the ability to have children, but I also know that their are many children that need a loving home.

[mhaddon]

Originally Posted by newmommy13 i think it is sad that a baby gets adopted or doesn't get adopted based solely on the color of their skin. maybe i am naive but the thought just makes me sick. i know it happens and it really is a clear indicator of where the emphasis is in our society.

My DH's great aunt could not have children and adopted her second son in the 50's. He is bi-racial although they did not know it at the time. Now DH's family (back then) was racist, but he is very sucessful and the family accepted him w/o any problems. I think many time families are so worried about what everyone else will think and who cares? Start doing geneology and you'll find some interesting things that your family doesn't talk about

[elabela]

Originally Posted by tink Yeah, I agree. however, I am happy that prospective adoptive parents do some bit of soul searching to determine whether or not they are up to the task of transracially adopting. Not everyone is up to being a sometimes conspicuous family.

I totally agree. Adopting can be a hard enough journey, and adopting transracially when you aren't ready or prepared or willing to do the even more work that it can be, is not a good thing. It's sad that more people aren't willing/able to(although I think a lot more would if they could get over their initial fear or feelings of incompetance as parents).

Our adoption will be transracial simply by the fact that the country we are adopting from is a different ethnicity. We chose the country for very specific reasons though, so it works well for us and our little ones.

[elabela]

I wanted to add to see if anyone else is in our situation, because I get frustrated sometimes by the comments people make to hubby and I.

I have always planned to adopt, I actually had no plans to marry(as in, I really DIDNT want to get married. EVER!) Not sure what happened there?! lol

I planned to adopt on my own, and not marry. So obviously, THAT didn't work out exactly as planned, but dh has always known that I planned to adopt, we talked about. He didn't know much about adoption, so I asked him to do his own research(while we were still dating, but talking about marriage) to see if it was something he would like to do. He did and wholeheartedly 'jumped on board' the adoption train(yay!) It helps that we have really supportive and diverse families too, in our situation.

Now come to find out, that it is VERY unlikely that we could have bio kids in the first place. So it's a good thing our plan was already set in place.

But I am having issues dealing with peoples reactions to "we are adopting"

I get the "oh, I am so sorry!" ??? or "I didn't know you couldn't have children" or
"but you can have kids, WHY would you want to adopt?"(I'm not eating rat poison people, I am giving a child a family! geez)

but I'm never sure how to respond because while they are right, that we can't have kids, that isn't what made us decide to adopt, and I find it sad/frustrating that people can't imagine someone choosing adoption as their first choice.

I don't really know what I'm looking for with this post, I think it's more a vent than anything. sorry guys, I'm just feeling kind of.. blah right now about people.

But again, we have awesome families/friends, for which we are so thankful.

[TestifyToLove]

The arguement that a family has decided they cannot be a conspicious family and therefore chooses to not adopt trans-racially is a nice idea. The sad reality is that often families will adopt "anything but black/AA". And I gotta tell you, if you are willing to adopt any race composition but black/AA, then yeah you are being racist.

[addiesmommy]

Originally Posted by TestifyToLove And I gotta tell you, if you are willing to adopt any race composition but black/AA, then yeah you are being racist.

[elabela]

Originally Posted by TestifyToLove The arguement that a family has decided they cannot be a conspicious family and therefore chooses to not adopt trans-racially is a nice idea. The sad reality is that often families will adopt "anything but black/AA". And I gotta tell you, if you are willing to adopt any race composition but black/AA, then yeah you are being racist.

I love the argument that "well we are willing to adopt Asian, or South American or etc... just not Black, that means we're NOT racists"