Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-15-2008, 03:15 PM   #1
momof2jmwjaw's Avatar
momof2jmwjaw
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,497
adoption vs. surrogate mother

SO and I are talking about another child. We are not sure if we would like to adopt or find a surrogate mother. We don't plan to do this for 5 to 10 more years. We need to save money to do so. If we get a surrogate mother we may have someone that would do it. My twin sister has always told me someday she would love to be a surrogate to someone. I am sure if she is still interested in doing it when we are ready she would do it for us. Is this a bad idea??? Which is the best way to go in your opinion. I understand everyone has differant opinions on things but I would like to hear what everyone else thinks. Would it be better to go with a surrogate we don't know? Would adoption be better? Which would be the least expensive? I know they are all expensive and we don't have that kind of money. That is why it won't be for awhile. Sorry this probably seems all scrambled. Another reason that i am leaning more towards a surrogate is so I can breastfeed. I didn't breastfeed my first and I failed at doing it with my second. I always regret this and think about it everyday. I would love to someday be able to do it. Thank you all!!!

Advertisement

__________________
Katie single mama to Joseph 8-16-06 and Jaryd 10-31-07
SUPERPOINTS!!! SWAGBUCKS! ISO ROSAMUND LUPTON BOOKS!
momof2jmwjaw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2008, 05:04 PM   #2
Passelofkids's Avatar
Passelofkids
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: South FL
Posts: 1,406
My Mood:
Re: adoption vs. surrogate mother

I would be very interested in hearing about surrogacy. We have adopted several times and have 2 bio kids but have thought about going this time with surrogacy. Also one of my thoughts for our last time is I would love a set of multiples. I have wanted that since we started adopting.
I have always thought of surrogacy as expensive?
__________________
Vicki Wife to Jim 22 yrs, Mom to:
Caleb 21, Shaymus 19, Alexander 17, Kallista 15, Gillian 9, Ryan 7
Passelofkids is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-17-2008, 07:40 AM   #3
bnew's Avatar
bnew
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 366
Re: adoption vs. surrogate mother

surrogacy can be very expensive, but then again, so can some adoptions... I was talking to a SM, and she said her IP's had probably spent about $150,000 for the 2 kids she carried (2 births, not twins). They had to pay her fee ($25000), an agency fee (only the first time) to match them, the cost of IVF and all medical bills related to pgcy ($15,000 each attempt), cost of birth, and then many (not the woman I spoke to though) charge for gas, child care, maternity clothes. etc etc. I still think its a great thing, but to me, its too much of a financial risk because IVF is not a guarantee, and with adoption, the baby is a guarantee (to some extent)... Unfortuantly we dont have that money tree in our back yard that so many people talk about... so we have to be careful of our choices
__________________
Check out our Ukrainian Adoption Auction and Raffle Page!

"Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings..." All bells are now banned in my house!
bnew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-17-2008, 10:57 AM   #4
juclark77
Registered Users
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 224
Re: adoption vs. surrogate mother

You can breastfeed if you adopt too.
juclark77 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-17-2008, 11:51 PM   #5
cravnp99's Avatar
cravnp99
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: IL
Posts: 1,475
My Mood:
Re: adoption vs. surrogate mother

I guess for us, surrogacy is not much different than IVF... and for us, it felt too much like "playing God" and it seems more "selfish" to go through all that just to create a child "in your own image"... when there are lives that are already in exsistance that need parents. I have nothing against anyone that goes this route, this is just why we chose adoption over fertility treatments or surragacy.

My main "loss" with choosing adoption was not being able to carry a pregnancy (so surrogacy doesn't help there either) and breastfeeding without a supplementor... I didn't have the time to build up a supply before our LO was born, and because there's a risk of a failed adoption, I didn't start nursing our LO until after a week had passed... but given the proper time, herbs/drugs, it may be possible to bf without having to use a supplementor, or by following up with a bottle after nursing sessions. I used a lact-aid and while I enjoyed the experience of the nursing relationship, I hated the extra time/effort it took filling/cleaning and hooking up the supplementor. In the case of international adoption, usually there is more lead time for placement, so it might give enough time to build a milk supply - but then you have the challenge of "teaching" an older child to nurse.

I did half way consider adopting an embro - a child that had been conceived, but wasn't implanted because the couple decided to stop treatments. However, I think that is somewhat expensive too and there's no guarentee that it will implant/stick. And my issue has been early miscarriage (in addition to taking a long time to conceive).... so I'm sure I wouldn't be a good canadate for embro adoption. Plus, I still wasn't sure how much "medical intervention" I wanted to pursue.... I dismissed this option before even talking to dh about it, so don't know for sure how he'd feel about it.
__________________
Praying for #2 - either by birth or adoption
Paula - Wife to youth pastor & Mamma to Alli born 01/03/07 & brought home on 01/05/07
cravnp99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2008, 12:42 PM   #6
momof2jmwjaw's Avatar
momof2jmwjaw
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,497
Re: adoption vs. surrogate mother

We woulnd't do surrogacy so that the baby looked like or or was biologically ours. The main reason and I know it is a selfish reason is to breastfeed. But I can also do that if we adopt. I also worry about finding a birthmother and getting attached and she change her mind.
We, too, do not have a money tree in our yard and that is another concern of ours is if it didn't work then we would need to come up with more money.
The whole point of adopting and not having any more of our own is to give a child the family it deserves. So that defeats the whole purpose of surrogacy. We are pretty sure (I'd say 95%) we are going the adoption route. We are also looking into foster to adopt. But there I am scared of getting attached and then the child go back to his/her birthparents.

Thank you all for your advice and opinions. i truly appreciate it.
__________________
Katie single mama to Joseph 8-16-06 and Jaryd 10-31-07
SUPERPOINTS!!! SWAGBUCKS! ISO ROSAMUND LUPTON BOOKS!
momof2jmwjaw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2008, 12:59 PM   #7
BouncyBottomsInc
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Everywhere-literally!
Posts: 915
My Mood:
Re: adoption vs. surrogate mother

Im so glad I found this topic, because it is one that me and dh have been discussing. From my own research, I have found that adoption seems to be more expensive and more complicated than surrogacy. I wanted to adopt internationally...a toddler or 3-4y.o. but found that the qualifications were so strict! And can be expensive, depending on the country. Now I took a whole weekend and looked at every country that was listed on the adoption database, I would say it was close to 200 countries. And I made a list of the fees, children avail. time, those kind of things and found that the countries that americans adopt from the most, are the most expensive...Guatamala, China, Russia. There are some countries that dont require any fees at all! So you are left with paying to travel, and the US fees, and of course the small fees for visas, translations, etc. So with that said, we then did research on surrogacy. Again, US surrogacy is super expensive. There are agencies that facilitate international surrogacy. Which is much more of a guarantee than US surrogacy because the woman doesnt have the right to change her mind. I am waiting on my info package...the lady that I talked to said that the basic package is $5,000. And goes up, depending on what you want/need. But they dont have a waiting list and said they had women right now that were ready to start the process. The only thing about it is you need to travel to the country twice(like some adoptions) to sign the original paperwork and meet the lady that will carry your baby and then when she has the baby. But if you dont plan on using your dh's sperm, then only the mom needs to travel. I have to wait on the info to see what exactly the steps are and if it is worth it and then compare it to international adoption. Anyone else know anything more about it?
BouncyBottomsInc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2008, 05:33 PM   #8
KOREAadopt
Registered Users
Formerly: drizzt76
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 752
My Mood:
Re: adoption vs. surrogate mother

Quote:
Originally Posted by BouncyBottomsInc View Post
Im so glad I found this topic, because it is one that me and dh have been discussing. From my own research, I have found that adoption seems to be more expensive and more complicated than surrogacy. I wanted to adopt internationally...a toddler or 3-4y.o. but found that the qualifications were so strict! And can be expensive, depending on the country. Now I took a whole weekend and looked at every country that was listed on the adoption database, I would say it was close to 200 countries. And I made a list of the fees, children avail. time, those kind of things and found that the countries that americans adopt from the most, are the most expensive...Guatamala, China, Russia. There are some countries that dont require any fees at all! So you are left with paying to travel, and the US fees, and of course the small fees for visas, translations, etc. So with that said, we then did research on surrogacy. Again, US surrogacy is super expensive. There are agencies that facilitate international surrogacy. Which is much more of a guarantee than US surrogacy because the woman doesnt have the right to change her mind. I am waiting on my info package...the lady that I talked to said that the basic package is $5,000. And goes up, depending on what you want/need. But they dont have a waiting list and said they had women right now that were ready to start the process. The only thing about it is you need to travel to the country twice(like some adoptions) to sign the original paperwork and meet the lady that will carry your baby and then when she has the baby. But if you dont plan on using your dh's sperm, then only the mom needs to travel. I have to wait on the info to see what exactly the steps are and if it is worth it and then compare it to international adoption. Anyone else know anything more about it?

What country is doing this?
__________________
Mom to a 2 kiddos

Last edited by KOREAadopt; 07-20-2008 at 05:42 PM.
KOREAadopt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2008, 05:48 PM   #9
cravnp99's Avatar
cravnp99
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: IL
Posts: 1,475
My Mood:
Re: adoption vs. surrogate mother

I think I saw on Oprah a show about surrogates in India? And the money the women get while seems like not very much money here ($5,000 sounds about right..) that money can do a lot for a family there... build a new home and provide education, food & clothes for children for the rest of their lives. Maybe that would be cheaper than an adoption, I don't know...


Here's the link to the Oprah show: http://www2.oprah.com/world/health/s..._284_101.jhtml

Here's an interesting link of responses to the show:
http://biopoliticaltimes.org/article...3&&printsafe=1

ETA: correction... the surrogate received around $5K - $6K, but the overall cost is closer to $12,000.... which it is possible to arrange a domestic adoption for this amount if a) you locate your own match with an expectant mom & do a private/agency assisted adoption b) adopt speical needs or minority children where gov. subsidies are available c) do foster/adopt which is even cheaper still...
__________________
Praying for #2 - either by birth or adoption
Paula - Wife to youth pastor & Mamma to Alli born 01/03/07 & brought home on 01/05/07

Last edited by cravnp99; 07-20-2008 at 06:34 PM.
cravnp99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-2008, 04:36 AM   #10
BouncyBottomsInc
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Everywhere-literally!
Posts: 915
My Mood:
Re: adoption vs. surrogate mother

We are now considering fostering to adopt too. I had never considered this before last week. Last week while searching through some webpages about agency licensed in Bulgaria, we found a link to waiting children in the US. It linked to pictures of children from the NW that were in the foster care system. I was so touched by how many sibling groups were available! I had always thought I'd like to adopt a sibling group so this was a blessing to see. The kids were so beautiful and for the first time, I was considering a domestic adoption! There were so many that had 3-5 kids, and they wanted them to be adopted together. I saw 1 family with 4 little ones aged 1yr-5yrs!! I wanted to feel out the paperwork right then and there. They were so cute and within the perfect age range for our family. DH was like 4 at once, I dont know. Then he noted that he really didnt want more than 3 kids....I had known he might say this, I was hoping that as the years went by he might agree to increase his number of children wanted, but he's holding firm to that 3. I had told him I would be fine if GOD brought 10 babies into our family. So that has us on hold and we are now discussing/arguing why to have more than 3 kids....
BouncyBottomsInc is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.