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Old 10-07-2006, 10:23 AM   #1
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Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?

I've said things about this in some of my other posts; but honestly, today I just feel like pulling my hair out.
My 11 week old daughter is the fussiest baby alive. I kid you not; she spends 70% of her entire day crying.
Multiple visits to the Pediatrician have proven totally pointless. They look her over thuroughly, ask questions, and can't attribute her endless fussing to anything other than "temperment".
She isn't satisfied with anything for very long. The only thing that seems to make her happy is me holding her and bouncing on my yoga ball. She will temporarily tolerate her swing (about 5 minutes), tummy time (about 5 minutes), laying on her back under her gym (5 minutes), baths (2 minutes) and sitting on my lap (5 minutes). Then she gets ticked off and starts balling...and once she gets started, its almost impossible to get her to stop until she has worn herself out.
We have tried just about everything under the sun for this girl...and nothing works!
We have tried swaddling, music, low stimulus, high stimulus, CIO, cuddling, "Happiest Baby on the block", slings, carriers, strollers, swings, bouncers, play mats, play gyms, the chiropractor, me altering my diet, nursing more often, nursing less often, massage...the works. All the things people recommend work once, then never again.
Today has been a worse than normal day. She woke up at 5am, took a little nap, and has spent most of the rest of the day whining, crying and generally being unhappy.
It makes it impossible to do anything! Shower, eat, go to the bathroom...anything. My husband doesnt have a soothing effect on her, so in his arms she just screams murder. He gets stressed and hands her back to me. So really, the only peace I get at all is after hours when I get back up from putting her to sleep and can eat some dinner or watch tv.

The first two weeks after she was born, she was great..but right at 3 weeks it all went sour. She has been fussy fussy fussy ever since. I KNOW she will probably grow out of it at some point...but days like today I almost want to cry because there is nothing I can do that seems to please her.

I don't know what I'm expecting to get out of this post. I just feel totally alone. Most of my friends have babies that are content and happy, and when they see Emma they start telling me something must be wrong with her or say "oh, Im so sorry you have such a bad baby". Thanks, that really helps *rolling eyes*.

I cant even go anywhere. She screams in the car, and wont sit in her carseat while I shop, let alone when hubby and I try to eat dinner out. She is happy in the sling or carrier as long as I am constantly walking. The moment I stop, she shrieks and causes a big scene. Some days, its just plain depressing.

I guess I'm just hoping, no, make that PRAYING someone else has gone through this or is going through it, and can give me some hope. At this point, I just blame myself. Thinking up reasons why she must be this way....telling myself I must not have been a good mom those first few days and I've ruined her for life.

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Old 10-07-2006, 10:31 AM   #2
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Re: Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?

- i'm SURE that it is NOT your fault. saying a little prayer for you that things get better and that you get a little break to recharge real soon.
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Old 10-07-2006, 10:35 AM   #3
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Re: Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?


It's not your fault! I so wish that I could just come over there and give you a break! She may have SID, but I don't know how young that can come up.. I've known babies like that (extremely high needs) and it is exhausting. Hang in there mama, soon you two will get in your groove and perhaps she'll start to settle down some. I'm surprised your dr's haven't done more to see if there is something wrong.. have you tried seeing a different doctor?

I don't know what else to say, mama.. I'll be praying for you!
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Old 10-07-2006, 10:37 AM   #4
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Re: Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?

Just keep reminding yourself... "This, too, shall pass." It may not seem like it now, but the time will fly by and this will soon be but a memory.
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Old 10-07-2006, 10:41 AM   #5
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Re: Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?

If she is happy bouncing - my guess is going to be colic since it started around 3 weeks. My DD was the SAME EXACT way she cried ALL the time her nick name was "Whinney Whinney Girl" for the first 6 months of her life. But, she loved to bounce. I would bounce on my yoga ball too. Unfortunately, there isnt much you can do. Mylicon seemed to work temp. for us I would give it at every single diaper change for months. Does she have a bouncey chair that vibrates? My DD loved that and again would ONLY sleep in THAT chair ON vibrate for the first 6 months of her life - we went through batteries with that thing like there was no tomorrow. She was never much for her swing either - ever!

My DD screamed bloody murder in the car as well. I couldnt not go anywhere either and when I did and got to my destination I was so frustrated and stressed out.

Swaddling did work great for us, but she had to be swaddled and IN the vibrating seat to be calm. What also worked great (esp in the car) we bought a CD that had just a heart beat sound on it - it entranced her. I'll see if I can find it and I'll be more than happy to send it to you FREE! It was really a life saver at some points.

AND - she WILL grow out of it and one day she'll just wake up and be happy. My DD was about 6 months when that happened. It was a long hard road to get to that point - but once she stops you'll forget all about it.

One of my BIGGEST fears while preg. was having a colicy baby, and I swear I had the WORST colicy baby and now she is 16 mo. old and the HAPPIEST sweetest baby ever. So hang in there mama! You can do it. You're doing great now. It WILL get better, I promise!!!
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Old 10-07-2006, 10:56 AM   #6
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Re: Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?

Oh Honey, I remember being there. Then there was this transformation around 4 months when she discovered her hands and started to have more muscle control. She started to be a much happier baby.

I honestly think my dd was frustrated baby, when I was pregant with her I had a very good sense of her personality. She was a happy fun-loving baby and then when she was born she was just a blob. As she gained more and more muscle control that personality I "knew" when she was in utero started to emerge again, and she was much happier.

Just checked with DH and he confirmed that 3.5 months was the worst.

It gets better! (and there are different kinds of frustration ahead), but NOTHING that was as bad as those first few months.

Hang in there!

PS I found that when she was at her worst I would take her for a walk outside in the carrier and after a few minutes she would calm down (the streets of our city have a lot to be distracted by). She also HATED the carseat, unlike every other kid I knew. Do you have a wrap? Like a moby? I really wish I had one b/c dd also hated the bjorn, she only wanted to be held with her knees up under her (I think this was because of her dairy allergy). Why oh why had no one told me about wraps?????

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Old 10-07-2006, 11:00 AM   #7
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Re: Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?

^ yeah that^

I do remember around 4-5 months when DD could sit up a little she was a lot happier too. Or could roll over, and push up and showed more interest in things (toys, books, Baby Einstein).
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Old 10-07-2006, 11:51 AM   #8
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Re: Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?

I feel for you. I went through the same thing with DS2. He cried almost all the time. Only slept for 20 minutes at a time - night or day. It was draining. It was hard on my relationship with DH. Most of all, it was hard on DS1. I worried constantly that something was wrong with him, but my dr didn't take me seriously. The worst part (and not said to scare you) - it didn't end at 3 to 4 months when colic usually ends. Things gradually started getting better after 6 months, but it really wasn't until he was closer to a year that things were much better.

One thing that helped my sanity was babywearing. With the right carriers, I could almost go about my day. He seemed to like the bouncing movements as I walked around. Even when he was fussy in the carrier, at least I knew he was close and I tried to help him feel better.

There were lots of times I had to put him in his crib and let him cry for a few minutes so I could pull it together. There were tons of afternoons that we were in tears together because I was at the end of my rope. I think the hardest period for me was between 10 and 14 weeks because I was exhausted, and I thought things should be getting better by then. After that, I resigned myself to hearing lots of crying and moved into survival mode.

Now, at 18 months, DS2 is a strong-willed and determined little boy. He's not happy all the time, but he is happy most of the time. I have no idea why he cried so much - maybe undiagnosed reflux, maybe some other physical problem, maybe temperament. Things are better now, and while the memories are vivid, they are in the past.

Sorry for posting such a long message, but I found myself feeling so alone when all my friends had happy babes that they could take out easily. I remember feeling that I was doing something wrong. I just want to let you know that you're not alone. I survived, and you will too. Feel free to vent here, or wherever you can. Your baby won't remember these days, but you will. Take care of yourself as much as you can.
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Old 10-07-2006, 12:43 PM   #9
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Re: Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Severine View Post
Just keep reminding yourself... "This, too, shall pass." It may not seem like it now, but the time will fly by and this will soon be but a memory.
I definitely agree with "This too shall pass". It honestly sounds like colic to me. My little brother (14 yrs younger) had it and nothing soothed him... myself, my mother, and my grandmother toted him around all day, doing everything we could to soothe him. It took until about 4-5 months for him to even out, but it did pass. And he's such a happy, well-adjusted little guy now (8 yrs old) and I really think it's because we took such attentive and good care of him when he was in pain. Colic is awful. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. I know what it's like to want to rip your hair out b/c you feel like the worst parent in the world. My youngest DS is completely lactose intolerant and it took us about a month to figure out that he couldn't handle my breastmilk nor milk-based formula. He's on a soy formula now and it's made a night and day difference. He's so much more laid-back and not fussy and gassy all the time. I think you're doing a great job, and your daughter will definitely appreciate everything you're doing for her!!
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Old 10-07-2006, 12:48 PM   #10
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Re: Man, why does she have to cry ALL the darn time?

Hugs, momma. It's so not your fault, nor is she a *bad* baby. She's a baby and you're an exhausted and frustrated mom. Yes, it will pass. Yes, she will grow out of it. Yes, the future is rosy. None of that does you any real good now, does it?

DS was very fussy, though I don't think as fussy as you are experiencing. It was exhausting. I wondered where my dream of motherhood had gone. I felt like an ugly, mean hag. I felt alone and lonely. I felt completely isolated by the screaming child we had created. Like you, ds screamed in the car.The whole blasted time. I went very few places. I honestly don't know if we will have any other children simply because of the previous experience. I just cannot take it. Our marriage almost didn't make it. It has grown stronger because of it but it was a very fine line.

The only thing I can suggets is finding support in your area. Maybe LL in your area? Just for a place to find moms and they seem to have good networking. Don't let it isolate you. Postiong on boards can help but you need face to face. You need someone you can pick up the phone and call...a lifeline. There may not be a solution other than getting through it until she outgrows it.

Like the pp said, my ds is a sweet, sweet boy now and mostly very, very happy and a joy to be around. It is a relief.
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