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Old 07-21-2008, 10:11 AM   #1
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Bullying at daycare

Hi all, I don't post much here, so sorry for butting in.

I have to address a bullying issue at my daycare - my 2 kids have been targets. I had been monitoring it for some time to try and get a feel for whether it was "normal kid stuff" or not. I've concluded that it's not. In the meantime - while I've been hemming and hawing - my kids have been the recipients of some violent behavior from another kid, and continue to be at risk.

I have TRULY loved our daycare lady, as have my children, but recently there have been some red flags - she's been doing this for 20 years and maybe she's burning out. Also she recently became a grandma for the first time and I wonder if her focus is changing.

So, I made an appt for DH and I to meet with the daycare lady tomorrow night. Ultimately I think it will go ok, however it is a difficult thing for me to do (I'm a pretty timid person - but DH is not timid at all so that's helpful).

Thanks for reading my post, I don't necessarily know why I wrote this out, maybe I'm just "preparing myself mentally" or something.

Thanks again for reading. Comments, feedback, any experiences you might have and can share are welcome.

Thanks!
Cathy

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Old 07-21-2008, 10:14 AM   #2
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Re: Bullying at daycare

Hope it goes okay. The few times my kids have been in a daycare setting it has gone pretty well. The first daycare they went to Aedan got bit once, but I knew the kid that did it and his mom and I know it was just a rough for her to deal with as it was for me.

to your kiddos and hope it gets better for them!

Also, maybe the parents of the other kid(s) need to be informed of this too. They may not know their kid(s) are doing this.
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Old 07-21-2008, 10:35 AM   #3
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Re: Bullying at daycare

Personally I would raise HOLY HELL is someone was bullying my kids!!!!!!

I don't give a DAMN about this woman's burn out. It's her job to look after these children and make sure that they're aLL safe and comfortable! Bullying SHOULD NEVER be tolerated.

Stand flat footed and bring it to this woman's attention. If she's unwilling to address the issue - pull your kids out of the situation IMMEDIATELY!
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Old 07-21-2008, 10:40 AM   #4
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Re: Bullying at daycare

I feel the same way sometimes, there's a kid in my son's daycare group who is a bully, and even though they stop it whenever they see him acting up, they can't stop it 100% of the time and some still slips through. It's annoying because honestly I feel they should just pull him out of the daycare, he's been a bully off and on for 2 years now. The only kid they've pulled out for being a bully was a 4 year old who made the TEACHERS cry whenever they had him, and it took them a full year to pull him too.

How old are your kiddos? When my son was younger it was always just, talk to the teachers, ask them to watch for it, talk to my son and explain how bullies work, tell him to tell the teacher whenever it happens, etc.

Now that he's getting older though, it seems that attitude just begets more bullying, he's seen as a target because he won't do anything about it, so now we're working on building up T so that he can stand up for himself. Never physically, but a loud, embarrassing "Why are you being so annoying to me?" is starting to stop it from continuing, because he starts, and then T stands up for himself, and he either is embarrassed and goes to play on his own or goes to pick on someone else. (but usually having that loud of an outburst draws the daycare providers attention to the situation and they can address it)
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Old 07-21-2008, 12:08 PM   #5
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Re: Bullying at daycare

Hi, thanks for all the feedback thus far.

I just wanted to respond to a couple of things, yes the other family knows. We have communicated about it and we will continue to.

And about the daycare lady's possible burn-out, I hope the impression is not that I am making an excuse for her. I also don't care if she is burnt out, or whatever is behind the quality of care going down-hill. Thank you for your passion JDT, I agree with you. All the kids need to be safe.

Again, thanks.
Cathy
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:10 PM   #6
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Re: Bullying at daycare

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cathy_B View Post
Hi, thanks for all the feedback thus far.

I just wanted to respond to a couple of things, yes the other family knows. We have communicated about it and we will continue to.

And about the daycare lady's possible burn-out, I hope the impression is not that I am making an excuse for her. I also don't care if she is burnt out, or whatever is behind the quality of care going down-hill. Thank you for your passion JDT, I agree with you. All the kids need to be safe.

Again, thanks.
Cathy
Cathy God bless you. You seem like a gentle spirit. Sometimes I wish that I was that way. I'm that mother that the principal/day care owner/school superintendant/teacher cringes when they see me coming.

Just go in there and stand up for your kids. That's all.

Personally, it would take Jesus AND the local police to get me offa that woman's *** if someone even looked at my kid the wrong way. And yes, I have been known to go too far in me "zeal" to protect my young.

At the end of the day I think it's important that you guys make your point in a way that the provider and the other family can understand. Failing that - slash her tires!
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:39 PM   #7
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Re: Bullying at daycare

Thank you so much JDT, you are kind. I have second-guessed myself for a long time whether I've waited too long to schedule a formal meeting. What have my kids seen, learned, and gone through in the meantime?

I often wish I had a little more spunk, here especially, when my kids are concerned. But I will have DH at the meeting, and he easily makes up for where I lack. I am purposely bringing DH because I know my tendency is to be timid, and then kick myself afterwards. I can't change who I am, but I can accommodate and bring in support. Too much is at stake.

Thank you (all of you) for your support and kind words!
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:47 PM   #8
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Re: Bullying at daycare

You want to be civil but at the same time you do need to make certain that your children are safe at dc. Self-confidence is built or destroyed at a very young age.
I'd advocate for my children to stand up for themselves, esp since there is 2 of them. I know its not a popular idea, but if pushed tell them to push back. Not that they should initiate the fight, but make certain that they know that they have the ability to make their OWN environment safe. No one, absolutely no one has the ability to mistreat them and even at a young age they need to learn to defend themselves.
Yeah they can go to the teacher and whatnot, but there is not going to be someone to watch over them every second of the day. My children will need to learn to keep themselves safe, better in dc than in HS when things really get rough.
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Old 07-21-2008, 02:41 PM   #9
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Re: Bullying at daycare

I think everyone is making good points and I really do appreciate the caring that you are all showing.

It has been a learning experience for all of us, and to an extent my older child (peer age of the bully) has learned a lot about coping and problem solving. Not that I wanted him to learn coping with something like this so soon, but there is a life skill in there that we all encounter at some time in our lives. He will also know that his parents and caregivers will step in if/when the situation requires (ie - the meeting tomorrow, we will indeed explain it to DS).

I want to also add that I don't intend to demonize anyone in this discussion - the daycare lady, the parents of the other child, and certainly not the other child either. All of us are good people, just dealing with something where we haven't figured out the best solution yet.

Hugs to all of you.
Cathy
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Old 07-24-2008, 09:05 AM   #10
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Re: Bullying at daycare

Any news on this?
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