Letting this thread die now...

[Bugaboo Bottoms]

My SIL NEVER let her husband care for the kids when she had something to do. He could be sitting at home on his rear end, watching TV, hand down his pants Ed Bundy style and she would make her mother or sister take the kids. I never understood it. She never even tried it. They are 4 and 2 and I still don't think he has ever cared for his kids by himself once.

I think it's sad when a mother can't trust the father of her children to care for them by himself.

My kids dad is great watching the kids by himself. He does things very different from me, but they are safe, well fed, well rested and much loved. Not much more needed if you ask me.

[~sarah~]

I don't mind if we let this thread die now.

[kettle]

NM.

[Indianamom*2]

Originally Posted by ~sarah~ He always freaks out if I say that I'm going to leave Sean with him. Usually it's the diapers that he complains about, well I have sposies on hand so he doesn't have to use the cloth. I don't know what his problem is, it's not like he's never been around a kid before (he has others from previous marriages) I guess maybe he's just lazy and I let him get away with it. And I was the one who wanted to have a baby...I get that a lot.

I didnt read all the posts, I only made it to Taras post on the first page but mama, I DEF know where your coming from.

I honestly feel like I cant leave DD with DH. He is her father but he doesnt have the slightest clue about her. He doesnt know what she eats, when she eats, when she naps, when she needs to go potty, when she likes to do what. She has set herself on her own little schedule and her and I have it down pat. He wouldnt know where to start.
He has changed maybe 10 diapers then entire 16.5 months. I cant even take a shower and trust him to watch her for 10mins let alone leave her with him for 1hr+. The most that they have been together alone is the 3 times that he has taken her to the store up the road with him and I seriously worry that he will forget her in the car, or he wont buckle her in right etc.

So to answer your initial question... NO I would NOT leave DD with DH while I went to a movie. I couldnt trust him.

All you mamas that have DHs that can care for your kids thats great, Can they give my DH some lessons ?

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

Yes DH watched the kids (they are his after all) but in the first year when the kids were soooo attached to me and I was nursing I usually took them with. When they got a older and nursed less I started leaving them at home with him for short periods of time, then longer and longer as they became use to being home alone with daddy. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving a baby at home crying for his mama. DH wouldn't care if I stayed out all night on the nights that he worked provided that they were asleep but if they started getting fussy (say 2 AM) he would call me to come home because DH's job required that he be well rested (he worked with heavy machinery)

DH was a SAHD for a couple years before we had DS2 and when DS2 was 2 I started working again, DH SAH again and is very capable of taking care of his boys.

[Elizabelle]

Originally Posted by bfoster2000 Well, for those of you who don't understand this mother's word choice or her dilemma, hooray for you. There are many of us who do understand and are there or have been there. You're right, it *shouldn't* be an issue if a mother wants to have a few hours or even a few minutes to herself but in more than a few cases, it is. There are lots of different reasons from men who just don't know anything about caring about babies and children to men who just don't care. I remember one night when DJ was about 2.5 and James was about 6 months old. I was sick and needed some medicine from the store. H had been running around in just his boxers and I at least had clothes on so I just grabbed my purse and told him I was going to the drug store 2 miles away and would be back in a minute. He asked me if I wanted him to go with me and got up to put some clothes on. He kind of looked at me funny and asked "Do you feel like going to the store by yourself with both kids?" I wasn't sure whether to laugh or smack him. The thought just never crossed his mind that he could stay with them for even 20 minutes for me to run to the drug store. After a knock-down-drag-out, I wound up taking DJ to the store with me and leaving James on the floor asleep. His lack of respect for me as a person and his lack of accountability and responsibility are some of the major issues that led to our divorce, but he has always felt that parenting is my responsibility. Looking back, I can see choices that I made that reinforced that attitude and I do wish that I had tried harder to change it early on but people kept reassuring me that when the kids were older he'd be better with them so I let him get away with not taking responsibility. Now that we're divorcing, I have a clause in our custody agreement that says that if he can't physically be with the boys when he has visitation, he has to give me the right of first refusal before he can leave them with someone else. I try to give him the same courtesy and offer to let him watch the kids if I need to do something but he won't do it...

A very old and dear friend is going through a messy divorce from a man who sounds very much like your XH, but with a bit of physical abuse thrown in for good measure. I never really "got" the reality of the situation until I was driving her to an out-of-town shelter with her 1-year-old daughter and newborn son, and I have never appreciated my own husband so much as the day after that drive.

OP, glad you had a good night out! That movie looks hilarious! Did it live up to its previews?

[Kimmyann]

Originally Posted by AlisonR80 Just wondering...did your parents stay married?

Yes they are still married going on 40 years.

[happymommyto2]

To everyone giving the OP a hard time:
There are other factors that could make a mother nervous about leaving the kids home alone with Daddy for a while. My DH just recently got home from a 15 month deployment. He was not here for Addie's birth or the first 9 months of her life. He also missed all that time with our son. When he left he had a 20 month old. He came home to a new 9 month old and almost 3 year old! Of course handling 2 kids, especially 1 that does not know him, would make him and me nervous in the beginning. So I think people should realize there are special circumstances.

[Indianamom*2]

Originally Posted by happymommyto2 To everyone giving the OP a hard time: There are other factors that could make a mother nervous about leaving the kids home alone with Daddy for a while. My DH just recently got home from a 15 month deployment. He was not here for Addie's birth or the first 9 months of her life. He also missed all that time with our son. When he left he had a 20 month old. He came home to a new 9 month old and almost 3 year old! Of course handling 2 kids, especially 1 that does not know him, would make him and me nervous in the beginning. So I think people should realize there are special circumstances.

After DH got back DD wouldnt go to him for 2 months I couldnt even leave her in the same room as him while I went to use the bathroom.

[marymom]