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Old 07-31-2008, 12:33 PM   #11
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Re: Adoption questions from passer-bys

I haven't had to deal with this yet--but after December, hopefully I will. I've read a couple of things that I think are great ways to handle these questions. One is to ask "why do you want to know or why do you ask?" to see what the person is really trying to find out. Another is if someone is prying into the reasons surrounding the adoption or into the circumstances surrounding the conception of the child even is to tell them that it's your ds or dd's story and they will tell people when they're older, if they choose to. I like that because it's really not my place to share the intimate details of how my child came to be--it's his/her decision when they're old enough to understand. Others had some good ideas, too--it's good to get a "toolbox" of ideas for when it does happen.

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Old 08-01-2008, 01:32 PM   #12
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Re: Adoption questions from passer-bys

I like the answering the question with a question to find out why they ask. It would be interesting to hear their responses too before I might answer them. That way, I can decide what I want to say when they are telling me their reasons.

I always thought I'd be open and willing to tell people but, it's getting a bit to the point of annoying. Either I'm babysitting or I'm his mom...please, give me a break!

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I haven't had to deal with this yet--but after December, hopefully I will. I've read a couple of things that I think are great ways to handle these questions. One is to ask "why do you want to know or why do you ask?" to see what the person is really trying to find out. Another is if someone is prying into the reasons surrounding the adoption or into the circumstances surrounding the conception of the child even is to tell them that it's your ds or dd's story and they will tell people when they're older, if they choose to. I like that because it's really not my place to share the intimate details of how my child came to be--it's his/her decision when they're old enough to understand. Others had some good ideas, too--it's good to get a "toolbox" of ideas for when it does happen.
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Old 08-01-2008, 01:34 PM   #13
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Re: Adoption questions from passer-bys

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I always pull him close and say (with a big smile), "Who, this gorgeous, smart, kind, wonderful kid?" (I look into his eyes and give him a kiss) And say, "You know, there really is no story, he's our gorgeous boy and we are very lucky to have him."
I love this too! It's very "me" too. Can't wait to try some of them
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Old 08-05-2008, 12:29 PM   #14
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Re: Adoption questions from passer-bys

So far I've been pretty open with it, but as my daughter gets older I don't think I will be. I do want to focus on being positive and focusing on my daughter.
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Old 08-08-2008, 10:46 PM   #15
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Re: Adoption questions from passer-bys

I think that no matter what your LO will know that he is adopted. Now its your job to make him feel as special and proud about that. Instead of looking at it in a negative tone, try to make it something that he will be proud about, so when people ask (because no matter what you say to one person it is not going to stop the next) your LO can chime in and give his opinion, and tell them how he feels about it.

Personally i could never imagine saying something infront of a child like that. But unfortunlty people are stupid and don't think before they talk, and i am sure that most of the questions are from good intentioned people who are just interested.

I also think that having a funny line to come back to them would be a great idea, like the PP said.
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Old 08-09-2008, 11:11 AM   #16
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Re: Adoption questions from passer-bys

Most often I've only had people say "where is she from" and I say "korea" because it's just where she's from, like where were you born and I would say "california", I don't find it invasive. But when they start asking me questions like about her birth parents, or her history, that's when I say "that is my daughters story to share and I don't feel comfortable talking about that". If someone is asking about the process because they are genuinely interested in the process (thinking about adopting, close family/friend who is into adoption, etc) then I probably talk their ear off! LOL!
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:06 AM   #17
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Re: Adoption questions from passer-bys

My youngest two are 4 months apart. One is adopted and one is not. I invariably get people asking if they are twins. "No" Then they say "how is that possible" "Oh, he's adopted" "Oh great. How did you plan that?" UGH! It's very uncomfortable for me. I do not want to share all of our business with the world, though we are very open otherwise. I always end up disclosing too much information because I do not know what else to say.
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Old 08-15-2008, 10:27 PM   #18
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Re: Adoption questions from passer-bys

Our family is a melting pot, but I forget that until some stranger asks a question that reminds me that our children have different ethnicity. To my Dh and I our kids are just our kids. We have totally become colorblind!!!
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