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Old 07-31-2008, 07:42 AM   #1
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Foster Care "Baby" Shower?

I'm looking for some help and ideas from you foster mamas. A couple in our church has just been approved as foster parents and brought their first child to church with them on Sunday. I would love to throw something like a baby shower for them, but I have many questions and feared pitfalls. Please help however you can.

1) Is this even a good idea? I'm hoping to help them by defraying some of the cost of child necessities, which I imagine can be overwhelming when you have no idea what age and gender to expect in your home. Would this cheapen the experience of a "real" baby shower, as they're hoping to adopt in the future? More than anything, I want to celebrate their entry into parenthood. Please share honest opinions.
2) What do I call the shower? They'll be fostering children from birth to about 5, but have been told to expect more older children rather than babies, so is "baby shower" the right title? Other suggestions?
3) Do you have suggestions for games that don't have anything to do with pregnancy (obviously we won't be guessing her belly circumference ), or newborns? I'm completely lost in this department. How about themes?
4) How do I handle the issue of giving gifts to the couple to use for all future foster children, while their current child is at the party? I don't know what the rules are about giving the child gifts, if she'll be able to take them with her when she leaves their home. I'd hate to "give" her something she won't get to keep, but I obviously don't want to exclude her.

I'm sure I'll have a ton more questions as I plan. Are there issues you can see I've missed? Thanks for any suggestions.


Renee, wife of DH Scott, mommy of DS Roanin 10/07 DD Corinne 4/10 and DD Adrienne 6/12.
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Old 07-31-2008, 08:38 AM   #2
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Re: Foster Care "Baby" Shower?

I wish that you were at my church when we got Annie and jacob! We took out a "loan" to get the stuff that we needed, then later found out "if we had known, we would have given you a shower". Well- when you are a new parent the last thing I thought of was a party! I was too overwhelmed.

I think that it is a wonderful idea. I have friends that had a "shower" and they just called it a "foster parent shower". The foster parents gave a list of items that they needed- which included a crib, pack-n-play, stroller, bedding, pj's, diapers, wipes, toys, rocking chair, bottles, etc. It did not have to be new- they appreciated anything that they were given. Clothes were a big "if", but I started to buy stuff at Salvation Army and was pleasantly surprised when Annie wore some of the stuff, and later Jacob. Gift cards were given and greatly appreciated too- especially for the midnight run to Walmart. Food certificates were good too- no time to cook! Blankets were nice too- A & J each have their favorites that I crocheted for them (although at the time I was making them, I had no idea who they were for!)

Games- I'm not a big game player so not much help there.

Parenting advice- maybe a little book filled with suggestions that people have tried? I hear about what people did now that I've been through it- (like weaning, potty training, lying)

I pray that you get some more good suggestions!

Thank you so much for being so thoughtful and considerate. Every child should feel special.
Wife to 1 ! Foster-Adopt mom of 2
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Old 07-31-2008, 08:40 AM   #3
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Re: Foster Care "Baby" Shower?

You could try posting this on this forum There are tons of great foster parents on there.... I'm not exactly sure what advice to give you other than that I would have loved a "Foster Care Shower" I honestly wouldn't worry about what you call it too much. If you are planning on giving out invitations you could word them something like "You're invited to ____&_____'s Welcome into Parenthood shower/Foster Care shower... As you know we are all very excited that ____&_____ are getting ready to bless the lives of many children who need their love and care. So please join us at this celebration on ________ at-____ time" ______&_______ are fostering children ages 0-5 both boys and girls and could really use anything that can be used for that age group to make fostering just a little bit easier for them" Hmmm I'm not sure how good that sounds but its just a thought. Hope it helps.
For games and such I think people can really just hang out and chat. Just have some food and maybe a little music and if there are going to be kids there maybe they can play freeze dance or do a scavenger hunt. About giving things to the little girl.. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, we often have people give things to the kiddos on birthdays and special occasions and they just bring them with them when they move. We have "house toys" and their own toys... And we ultimately just decide what leaves with them and what doesn't. A great resource for them too is they can get sooo many free items from there which is really helpful when you are getting kids of all ages. In the attic at my house we have just put together bins over time of donated clothes sorted into gender and size.

Hope this helps and feel free to pm me with any questions
Happy to be mama to my sweet little home birthed, breastfed, extended rear facing, co-sleeping, cloth diapered, snuggled and loved baby girl Havana Desai 5-18-09
Blessed to be mama to my little Angel Teya Mackenzie born into heaven on 3-27-08
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Old 07-31-2008, 04:49 PM   #4
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Re: Foster Care "Baby" Shower?

We didn't have a shower for my DFD, but she was here when I had my shower for my DS and people included gifts for her. I thought it was really sweet! I think if my DS wasn't coming so soon my church probably would have thrown me a shower for my DFD. Also, the first couple of days after she came here, people were dropping stuff by for us. I think when it comes to foster kids people genuinely want to help so I say go for it!

ETA: Maybe call it a welcome to our family party or a meet "insert name" party instead of a baby shower?
In our family all of our kids, bio or not are treated the same. All their gifts are theirs to keep. I wouldn't worry too much about that part. If it is a gift for the couple and not child specific (like a birthday present or christmas gift) then they can keep it.
Becca- Mommy to 5 blessings!

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Old 07-31-2008, 05:05 PM   #5
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Re: Foster Care "Baby" Shower?

I didn't read the other responses, but we are foster parents and had a shower. Some friends from church threw it. They requested that the gifts be gift cards to Target, BabiesRus, etc so that we could get what we needed for our first placement when he/she came. If I recall, the "game" was a Mad Lib type fill-in-the-word activity. One of the hosts had written a story about how DH and I decided to be foster parents, blah, blah, blah, (not true, but funny). Then she had the guests fill in nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc and read the "improved" version. It was hilarious. After that, they had me share how we really had come to the decision to foster parent, and then they prayed for us and our future foster child(ren). It was wonderful!
busy mommy to one five-year-old and two four-year-olds
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Old 08-01-2008, 11:35 AM   #6
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Re: Foster Care "Baby" Shower?

This is a great idea! We really didn't need a lot of stuff when our FS came to live with us (we kept pretty much everything from Andy because we were looking into adopting a 2-3 yr. old boy overseas at the time). However, if our FS would have been a baby (especially under 1) we would have loved a gifting shower since we didn't keep anything from Andy under 18 months of age. Even though we didn't need much for our FS, it would have been great to have a shower/get-together to celebrate us becoming foster parents!
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Old 08-01-2008, 12:09 PM   #7
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Re: Foster Care "Baby" Shower?

When we got FD number 2, our church gave us a baby shower. And they just called it a baby shower, since she was a new born. We already had her big sister, but had nothing for a newborn. I was even told to go out and register! It made us feel so special. And most everyone included something for big sister. So, I say go for it! Though I don't really have any ideas about games and such. We didn't really play any.
Happy Momma to Janice(11/22/04) adopted 3/24/09
Happy Foster momma to Goo Goo(3/29/08)

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Old 08-01-2008, 07:55 PM   #8
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Re: Foster Care "Baby" Shower?

No one gave us a shower, or brought us a meal, and I wish they would have--to celebrate with us. I appreciate those who gave us gifts, they were very special.
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