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Old 07-31-2008, 05:21 PM   #1
clongworth
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How hard was the transition for your child

SO we are in the middle of a home study to get custody of my granddaughter...............we are hoping to have her here before Christmas..................right around her 1st birthday.....she is in another state and I am assuming when all the paperwork is done we will just "go pick her up" so she will be just getting on a plane with *strangers* (we did fly down and meet her when she went into care at 3 weeks old) how awful will this be for a one year old baby? How hard was the transition for your LO's?

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Old 07-31-2008, 07:40 PM   #2
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Re: How hard was the transition for your child

Every kid is different. My best advice would be to take a couple days and let her get used to you before flying back.

Some kids sort of shut down, others I've known cry inconsolably for a week or so.

My DD was with us 2 weeks before we left her home city. She did really well. She only would allow me to hold her, not my DH for more than a month, but was pretty easy aside from that.
Just be prepared to help her alot with the attachment process and find out as much as you can about her likes and routine, so that you can minimize the trauma of the change.
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Old 07-31-2008, 09:14 PM   #3
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Re: How hard was the transition for your child

Our two kiddos came home 3 months apart, both at 14 months. I think they really adjusted beautifully. You know though, at the time I was hard pressed to figure out what was an adjustment issue and what was just their personality. It wasn't as if they did any particular thing that made me think, "boy they are just really struggling to adjust." Dd #3 would wake up crying on the middle of the night (sometimes screaming), so that was really the only thing that was somewhat of a "typical adjustment" problem. Dd #3 only wakes up crying one or two nights a month now and she always goes right back to sleep (she has been home a year). Ds #2 has been home 9 months and is somewhat of a whiney kid at times, but I think that is just how he is.

I will add though that I hear that it can take up to a year to really see an adopted kids true personality (maybe not so for you since she's your grandbaby) and I would say that has been true for us, especially with ds #2. He is finally turning into the ham I always knew he wanted to be. I also think dd #3 has found her groove also. So, while we had a wonderful transition, I do think the two little ones are just now really finding themselves. Although, that could be just a part of turning 2 also.......

Good luck and God bless!!

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Old 08-01-2008, 06:57 AM   #4
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Re: How hard was the transition for your child

The book Toddler Adoption by Mary Hopkins-Best has a whole chapter about how to make transitions easier for the kids. It was really helpful for us. My son was 23 months and he had night terrors for a month. They are really common.
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Old 08-01-2008, 01:04 PM   #5
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Re: How hard was the transition for your child

Thank You for all your replies...........I am going to go find that book!
We do plan on spending a few days getting to know her before we travel with her........
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Old 08-01-2008, 01:23 PM   #6
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Re: How hard was the transition for your child

When we got FD 1 she was just over a year old. When we knew that she was going to need a change in foster homes and decided we could be that, we ( I already knew her through the child care center i work at) babysat her a few times, had her over for a long weekend (she got snowed in with us!), and I think that made the transition alot smoother. Also nothing else was changing. She still went to the same day care. Still saw her former foster family (she still calls the son in that family her "bubba").
I would suggest if at all possible to see if you could figure out a way to visit a few to several times. If where she is placed now would work with you, have them talk about it. She is just a baby, but I think it would still be helpful. If she has good foster parents, then they may be part of the key to a smooth transition for you.
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