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Old 08-09-2008, 07:40 PM   #1
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adoption? Last resort?

I have a girlfriend who picked up her baby girl in China in December. She is beautiful and fun and everyone just loves her! My friend started the process 3 years ago when she was single and wanting a family and wouldn't change a thing - not the 2nd mortgage, not the holding off her wedding so she didn't have to do her adoption stuff again etc.

Anyway, my friend has been getting comments about how 'oh she must not have been able to have her own child' or 'why didn't she do ivf' etc. which are making her mad. She chose to adopt her baby - not as a last resort but as her first choice. Any other adopters have similar ignorant comments directed at them?

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Old 08-10-2008, 06:42 PM   #2
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Re: adoption? Last resort?

Yes. Comments like that are unfortunately very common. We just try to gently set them straight. If they don't get it, it's their loss.
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Old 08-11-2008, 04:57 AM   #3
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Re: adoption? Last resort?

Yep, sad but very common. I haven't a clue why strangers think that because I have adopted my life is an open book for them to question and comment. What really peeves me is when they make a comment in FRONT of my child.
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Old 08-11-2008, 04:34 PM   #4
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Re: adoption? Last resort?

Grr, yeah, that seems pretty common. I get asked pretty often if we are infertile and if I ever complain about how slowly things are going or the amount of paperwork we have to do, people say, "well, you should just get pregnant." It's like no one can comprehend why someone would actually WANT to adopt.
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Old 08-13-2008, 08:54 AM   #5
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Re: adoption? Last resort?

It's pretty common but completely unacceptable. She needs to stand up everytime and defend herself and her daughter. Adoption for us is NOT plan B. Mercy is Plan A. This is the path we CHOOSE and wouldn't change it for the world. She will never be anything other than Plan A.
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Old 08-13-2008, 07:25 PM   #6
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Re: adoption? Last resort?

Yes. My own mother was talking to me about how one of her younger friends wanted to adopt (she is in her late 20's) then she said, "but i don't realize why she would have to do that, she can have kids perfectly fine" she has one son. I am sitting there listening to her...I have had two sons, then adopted my daughter. I was like, "mom, I can have kids, it's not always about that" and she said, "yeah but you have had 3 miscarriages, so that is why you did it right?"

Ummmmmmm NO!
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Old 08-13-2008, 07:45 PM   #7
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Re: adoption? Last resort?

oh im sorry she has to deal with that!!! A dream of mine is to adopt, and i can have bio babies... some people just cant see how beautiful adoption is
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Old 08-15-2008, 09:57 PM   #8
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Re: adoption? Last resort?

I've known that I wanted to adopt since I was 13. It's amazing how much people will ask, or what they will assume. If someone is asking respectfully, then I'm generally pretty open. But in the local MOMS group, when I said I chose adoption, most people reacted with ... why? One reacted with "Good for you!" Neither was exactly what I was looking for.
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Old 08-15-2008, 10:11 PM   #9
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Re: adoption? Last resort?

People are just curious and are not educated to all the blessings adoption brings. Unfortunately, I have become more tolerant of "stupid" questions, but it really is the pits when people being up these topics in front of our children!
Grrrrrr!!!
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Old 08-16-2008, 01:11 PM   #10
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Re: adoption? Last resort?

I think just as strange is how people are sooooo proud of us for adopting "Oh your son is so lucky" and they say it like we are doing him such a huge favor, for taking him in. we feel the opposite, like his biomom did us a favor by choosing us, we feel so blessed to raise him, I am greatful everyday for him. We are the lucky ones, it's a win win situation actually.

And I honestly never felt like it was a 2nd choice for us, I always wanted to adopt, and I thought we might have 1 or 2 bio children first but not because that was my first choice, Heck I am glad we never got pregnant, then we wouldn't have out LO that we do have now. Most people just can.not.understand that but it is true.
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