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Old 08-11-2008, 09:45 AM   #11
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

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Old 08-11-2008, 09:46 AM   #12
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

Seriously?

You knew what you were doing.

Mom wars are lame.
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:00 AM   #13
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

Maybe she shouldn't be breastfeeding ITFP. Maybe she's a smoker or worse. Maybe she works and can't afford a pump either...who knows. What she needs is info on her local WIC office and referrals for church programs.
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:10 AM   #14
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

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Your comment was out of line. Assuming this woman already had her baby and is already feeding him/her formula, you can't really go back and start breastfeeding a child. It's probably not a solution she can even consider, so it ends up being more of a slap in the face.

And, as someone else mentioned, there may have been reasons she couldn't breastfeed in the first place.
Seriously.

I'm a huge BF advocate. I've BF all five of mine, I offer support to others constantly.

But that was completely out of line. How would you suggest someone with say a 3 or 4 month old infant whom they've never breastfeed, suddenly relactate enough to feed their baby exclusively? What if she tried and was unable to BF? What if she's already got enough guilt for not breastfeeding and you just slapped her in the face without knowing ANYTHING about her situation at all?

In an ideal world, everyone would BF, but it's not that cut and dry. I'd be horrified if I heard someone say that to another mother.
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:20 AM   #15
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

I am breastfeeding my yds, and I think you were totally out of line. I can only imagine how you made that mama feel if she truly tried to bf and was unable. Its like reliving that pain all over again. Trust me, I had the unfortunate opportunity to run into people like you with my first child, after I finally gave up pumping.
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:26 AM   #16
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

I'm in the middle here. Most women can breastfeed full-term babies, but they do not have the support to make it happen. Hospitals do not have good lactation consultants, OBs give away formula when you're pregnant, but there's no one giving away breast pumps (though I hear some WIC does? we're not eligible so no idea).

One of my BFFs did not BF her first kid because who she thougth was a LC said she couldn't. Baby #2 is an almost 11 lb 2 month old - and breastfed. She called me every day for a few weeks or I called her until she got a hang of it. I sent her books and did what I could. She found out at the same hospital this time that they've never had lactation consultants (she asked to see one, and they told her they didn't have one on staff, she asked where the one she saw 3 yeras before was and they told her then they never had one).

It is sad that "my" tax dollars aren't going to support something that is completely natural. Now I know a few women out of 100 can't breastfeed, but, like i said, full-term babies and their mom's generally can with the right support.
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:28 AM   #17
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

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Perhapse it was not that you said it but how you said it. You could have posted... "I'm sorry you are struggling to afford formula. Did you concider breastfeeding your LO? If you did and were unable I am deeply sorry it did not work out for you but if you didn't then perhapse for any future children it may be a cheaper and easier option for you. Good Luck" You could even offer information on relactating if you get a favorable breastfeeding responce from them. And good job on putting up the good fight in support of BF.

Yea that!

I'm all for BFing, and all for getting positive information out there...but how you phrase things can make a huge difference. When I read what you posted, it sounded downright snarky to me. I would have expected that type of a response in a heated debate, not to a request.

Maybe you didn't mean it to come off snarky, that's the unfortunate thing about the interweb, tone of voice isn't conveyed well. I'm not surprised a firestorm resulted. You'll probably be more successful in conveying information about BFing if you change your approach a bit.
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:33 AM   #18
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

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Yea that!

I'm all for BFing, and all for getting positive information out there...but how you phrase things can make a huge difference. When I read what you posted, it sounded downright snarky to me. I would have expected that type of a response in a heated debate, not to a request.

Maybe you didn't mean it to come off snarky, that's the unfortunate thing about the interweb, tone of voice isn't conveyed well. I'm not surprised a firestorm resulted. You'll probably be more successful in conveying information about BFing if you change your approach a bit.

Most definitely - it is the approach. I do hate, though, that BFing moms have to defend themselves everywhere they go, but then if they say something "potentially" out of line, there's a huge fight that insues.
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:35 AM   #19
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

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sorry, but I think that your comment was uncalled for. You don't know their situation. for all you know the mama in need could have had a medical problem or God forbid a double mastectomy and she couldnt bf....even if she could bf, maybe she tried and it didn't work out for her and her family. I mean, I'm sure that the mamas that need formula are well aware of the fact that they have breasts and could bf...it's really none of your business what their choice is.

Oh and I BF. But do NOT support the mommy wars on this topic.
i think it definitely depends on the area you are in - back home for me, NO ONE breastfeeds. Most don't even try - none of my three sisters even considered it. now if one of them get pregnant again you bet i'll have a few words for them, especially because all three get "assistance" - but that's the difference. i can say something to family, but to a stranger, what you say on the topic definitely can start a mommy war, with even one word out of line
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:50 AM   #20
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

I too think it was the way it was worded. As a mom who tried so hard to BF a baby who would scream everytime I tried to feed him, it does hurt to have to formula feed. I pumped for a while but then every time the pump suctioned I would bleed like crazy no matter which bells I used. Sometimes we feel horrible enough going in and buying the stuff or pulling out a bottle in public and mixing it and a comment taken the wrong way can just really upset us.

And BFing moms aren't the only ones defending themselves. Just a couple of days ago I was chastised in front of a whole line of people at the grocery store by a complete stranger. First over buying formula to begin with and then she actually called me a "drain on society" for using WIC. I didn't even use WIC even though we qualified until they put my son on formula that comes up to $105 every 8 days...then I HAD to.

I continue to read the BF forum hoping that the next time around I can look back at all the advice given here and put it to good use, but sometimes certain things DO make me feel like a bad mother for using formula. And like said before, with everything being in type here instead of voice, sometimes things do seem to come across snarky that aren't meant to be that way at all.
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