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Old 08-11-2008, 11:19 AM   #21
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

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Originally Posted by dornmama View Post
Perhapse it was not that you said it but how you said it. You could have posted... "I'm sorry you are struggling to afford formula. Did you concider breastfeeding your LO? If you did and were unable I am deeply sorry it did not work out for you but if you didn't then perhapse for any future children it may be a cheaper and easier option for you. Good Luck" You could even offer information on relactating if you get a favorable breastfeeding responce from them. And good job on putting up the good fight in support of BF.

i agree, i think it was more about how you said it. your post made the woman sound like an idiot for not breastfeeding.

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Old 08-11-2008, 12:10 PM   #22
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

Just an FYI, the amount of formula WIC gives monthly does NOT amount to enough for the entire month. Maybe the listers were really in need of the extra bit of formula?

I don't get into the FF vs BF mommy wars because I swing both ways and do find myself offended by a lot of things that COULD be said...

HOWEVER, I think your comment, or the way you worded your comment, was well.. way out of line. What if it was because the family only had a small can to last for the next week and really couldn't spare the extra 16 dollars for one more can until their next wic checks were good.

Maybe you could have reworded your comment to the tune of-- I'm sorry that formula is so high, I'm sure some breastfeeding mothers, MYSELF INCLUDED, in this area, could pump a few onces for you. Then you a providing a solution to her problem, without giving away free formula.
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Old 08-11-2008, 12:29 PM   #23
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

BTW, I wasn't able to bf my dd #1 past 4 months... so I know that bfing isn't an option for everyone and for every baby. I was just throwing it out there... especially for the mamas who are still pregnant. It wasn't directed at that one specific mama.

Next time I will just stay out of it.
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Old 08-11-2008, 12:30 PM   #24
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

Oh and lots of posts on CL agreed with me too. So I am not the only one who feels like mamas should give bfing a try.
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Old 08-11-2008, 12:34 PM   #25
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

Finally, if you are going to tell that I was out of line and the way I worded it was not nice... please take care to follow your own advice.
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Old 08-11-2008, 12:37 PM   #26
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

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Oh and lots of posts on CL agreed with me too. So I am not the only one who feels like mamas should give bfing a try.
No one said they were or weren't giving breastfeeding a try. If the listing did say, you didn't include that.


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Finally, if you are going to tell that I was out of line and the way I worded it was not nice... please take care to follow your own advice.
I don't think any moms here were trying to be rude to you, more like offering an alternative response and give their opinion. I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt
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Old 08-11-2008, 12:45 PM   #27
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

Just received this email from one of the upset CLers:

I am a huge advocate about breastfeeding. I believe that it is the absolute best way to feed your baby. The reason I was so upset by the comment was that I had to stop nursing both of my babies for different reasons earlier than planned.

I loved nursing them and would endure the terrible 4 weeks of pain a million times over, but my son wiened off at 9 months old. I was so upset. I cried for several days because I thought I would not have the same bond with him. He was just so active that sitting still long enough to nurse would not suit him. Obviously, I had to switch to formula at this point at his docs recommendation.

This leads to my next child born a short 9 months later. Breastfeeding apparently is a good form of birth control, if you catch my drift. She was a pro at nursing 45 minutes after she was born. I loved every minute with her. However, for some reason, my body stopped producing enough milk for her around 5 months. She lost about a pound and I took her to the doctor who thought what I did. She wasn't getting enough milk. I pumped like crazy in the beginning and stored quite a bit, but stopped around 2 months. The doc had me nurse her and then offer her a bottle and if she took most of it, she wasn't getting enough from nursing. Sure enough, she sucked it down as if she hadn't eaten in days. I felt like the worst mother ever. I was starving my girl!! I tried to continue to nurse and supplement but I was producing less than 6 oz in an entire day. (I pumped to find out how much was actually there.) So, I had to start her on formula earlier than I ever wanted to. Both times I wanted to nurse for at least 12 months and neither happened. I guess I get extremely defensive about this subject because some people are so judgemental and just don't know what the other mom has experienced.


I didn't think I was being judgemental. I just said breastfeed and you will not have to worry about formula. I didn't accuse the mama of being unfit. I didn't say "what is wrong with you" or "don't you know you are supposed to bf your babies" or some other ugly phrase.

I know this debate will just go round and round, so for me, I will end it here. Thanks for your input.
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Last edited by aecryan; 08-11-2008 at 01:02 PM.
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Old 08-11-2008, 01:25 PM   #28
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

I am a huge BFing advocate, but I must say that I think the comment was out of line, if you worded it as you posted. I have been on both sides, given up on BFing early on with my eldest children due to some common problems, lack of support and knowledge. I would have burst into tears if I read that while I was still suffering with guilt over it.

There is a mama who was in my LLL chapter who was a huge advocate of BFing and overcame lots of obstacles to successfully BF, only to have to wean at 8 months b/c she was diagnosed with cancer and needed chemotherapy. She couldn't bear to come to meetings anymore, b/c she was so heartbroken.

You just never know what someone else has gone through, so I recommend treading carefully on sensitive subjects like this one.

I also agree that it is 100% inappropriate for people to offer formula to BFing moms.
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Old 08-11-2008, 01:31 PM   #29
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

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Originally Posted by aecryan View Post
Just received this email from one of the upset CLers:

I am a huge advocate about breastfeeding. I believe that it is the absolute best way to feed your baby. The reason I was so upset by the comment was that I had to stop nursing both of my babies for different reasons earlier than planned.

I loved nursing them and would endure the terrible 4 weeks of pain a million times over, but my son wiened off at 9 months old. I was so upset. I cried for several days because I thought I would not have the same bond with him. He was just so active that sitting still long enough to nurse would not suit him. Obviously, I had to switch to formula at this point at his docs recommendation.

This leads to my next child born a short 9 months later. Breastfeeding apparently is a good form of birth control, if you catch my drift. She was a pro at nursing 45 minutes after she was born. I loved every minute with her. However, for some reason, my body stopped producing enough milk for her around 5 months. She lost about a pound and I took her to the doctor who thought what I did. She wasn't getting enough milk. I pumped like crazy in the beginning and stored quite a bit, but stopped around 2 months. The doc had me nurse her and then offer her a bottle and if she took most of it, she wasn't getting enough from nursing. Sure enough, she sucked it down as if she hadn't eaten in days. I felt like the worst mother ever. I was starving my girl!! I tried to continue to nurse and supplement but I was producing less than 6 oz in an entire day. (I pumped to find out how much was actually there.) So, I had to start her on formula earlier than I ever wanted to. Both times I wanted to nurse for at least 12 months and neither happened. I guess I get extremely defensive about this subject because some people are so judgemental and just don't know what the other mom has experienced.


I didn't think I was being judgemental. I just said breastfeed and you will not have to worry about formula. I didn't accuse the mama of being unfit. I didn't say "what is wrong with you" or "don't you know you are supposed to bf your babies" or some other ugly phrase.

I know this debate will just go round and round, so for me, I will end it here. Thanks for your input.
i read your original post before you edited, and will just say that i think this is a much better edit.

Just keep in mind that as you got upset with moms here telling you what you said was out of line, moms on CL probably felt very offended. Moms there were sharing the same emotion as you here. There are real people on the other end of the computer.... which mod used to have that on her siggy?
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Old 08-11-2008, 01:51 PM   #30
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Re: Craigslist bfing debate out of control!

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Your comment was out of line. Assuming this woman already had her baby and is already feeding him/her formula, you can't really go back and start breastfeeding a child. It's probably not a solution she can even consider, so it ends up being more of a slap in the face.

And, as someone else mentioned, there may have been reasons she couldn't breastfeed in the first place.
Whoa....just for the record, as a breastfeeding peer counselor who works exclusively with WIC moms, Ohhh yes you can start breastfeeding a ff child. In our little rural county, we've had numerous moms start nursing weeks, a few even months, after starting off with formula AND we've had LOTS of moms wean, usually do to outside pressure, and then go back to nursing weeks later.

It is RARE that a mom genuinely CAN'T nurse. There are a few conditions and even fewer medications that can interfere and there are instnaces when babies are too ill to nurse. Lots of moms who are perfectly capable of nursing are told by underinformed medical professionals that they either can't start or have to stop nursing. Please don't think I am up on any soapbox here. I have my job because I was one of those moms. My older two dd's were born in Germany on an Army base, I had no support and gave up on nursing with both of them. I didn't think I made enough milk, turns out I just didn't know what I was doing! I had help with my ds and he nursed until he was 2 and I was preg with dd, who still nurses when she feels like it, lol.

In almost two years of working in this field and seeing a couple hundred moms, I can think of two that genuinely COULD NOT breastfeed. The rest, it's a choice. The fact is that if you choose to give your child formula, you are choosing an inferior nutrition source for your child. It's your right to make that choice. Just like it's the right of other people to point out that bf is better for babies. She was no more out of line than the mom who was asking for free formula.
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