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Old 08-12-2008, 06:17 PM   #71
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Re: This is a support forum!

OP, no I DO NOT think you are out of line.

I haven't read through this entire thread, AND I'm not anti-formula feeding, but....

I do find it interesting that even though our bodies were created to feed our offspring, it is completely acceptable that those that choose to do so, or offer up their (solicited, mind you) opinions are berated. My TRIPLETS were in the NICU for 3 weeks, yet I was able to breastfeed two of the three. I'm not even saying that mothers should breastfeed. I'm just curious why those that make a choice to formula feed think it's okay to force their choices on those that have made the decision to breastfeed.

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Old 08-12-2008, 06:37 PM   #72
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Re: This is a support forum!

Mama, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you didn't mean to be snarky and were really trying to help, but that comment and the tone in which it was posted wasn't kind or helpful. You don't know her situation. Maybe she's like me. Maybe she tried and tried and failed. Maybe, like me, she suffered severe PPD and thought of herself as a huge failure and felt broken and thought about killing herself so that maybe her baby could have a better mama. Maybe she did try. Maybe your comment hurt her deeply when maybe she was finally coming to terms with her loss. You never know. Don't assume. I would never tell a bfing mom to "just formula feed" just as I would never tell a formula feeding mom that they "just needed to bf." It's not always that easy.
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Old 08-12-2008, 08:56 PM   #73
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Re: This is a support forum!

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Originally Posted by acjlnmom View Post
I think you knew exactly what you were doing. You wanted a pat on the back for attacking a person for not breastfeeding. I find that so sad.



You were so not offering a solution! That's the biggest laugh I've gotten all day, thanks!!
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Originally Posted by fosterisacoolcat View Post
Welcome to the land of passive-aggressive backhanded comments. 'Jut offering a solution' whatever, that was a snotty comment and you knew full well what you were doing.
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Originally Posted by acjlnmom View Post
But you didn't just suggest BF. Your condescending tone in "Hey here's a thought, BF" is downright hurtful and I think you knew that and expected a pat on the back. I just find it demeaning to people here to say you were "just trying to suggest" breastfeeding.
Wow. The tone and judgements you are throwing at the OP are just as 'snarky' and passive/aggressive as you claim her post on CL was. Ugh. Instead of casting all of these stones, how about just offering suggestions for her to think about when discussing this with others in the future. This is a hot topic kind of thing and just like religion, politics, abortion, etc (other 'hot topics') it's best to agree to disagree in a tactful manner than some of the bitter replies you guys have left.
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Old 08-12-2008, 10:10 PM   #74
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Re: This is a support forum!

You had to know you were going to get flamed...its a hot topic...and no one is going to start breastfeeding because a random person posted on CL that they should. That said... i think it is sometimes interesting for folks to stir up the pot and see what emotions fly. So if that is what you wanted, or even if not...it was probably a hot debate. What this all really boils down to is that no mama wants to feel judged by another. You maybe didn't want to get judged by all of these moms for your comments. Hot topic...you have guts- I'll give ya that! ;-)
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Old 08-12-2008, 11:25 PM   #75
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Re: This is a support forum!

I think it was (obviously) a hurtful comment, although you didn't mean it to be. For a mother who is currently ff'ing, it comes off as judgmental to suggest breastfeeding to her. Although it is possible to relactate, but that's not the point. It would be hurtful, and is hurtful, to suggest to a breastfeeding mom that she should FF, or pump so she won't have to nurse in public. We BF'ing moms should remember that.

We can never know the reasons behind why a mother chooses to FF or BF, so I take the road of just supporting other moms in their choices. I do wish that all new moms would at least give it a shot and if it doesn't work out, then hey, at least you tried. Even the moms I know who FF, they tried breastfeeding and for various reasons, it did not work for them. I would never make a comment to suggest their choice was wrong.

This is a hot topic! I have one friend who was very defensive about her choosing formula and even said something very hurtful to me even though I straight up said, I support your decision!!! I know it's tough!!! Some people will be overly defensive no matter how sensitive and supportive you are to their situation. That is the most frustrating thing of all!!
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Last edited by marsha; 08-12-2008 at 11:30 PM. Reason: adding to comments, had another thought!
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Old 08-12-2008, 11:38 PM   #76
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Re: This is a support forum!

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Originally Posted by Elena"s Mom View Post
I'm all for breastfeeding and I was lucky that it was easy for me and my DD.
Not everyone is so lucky. You should be more considerate of other people's feelings, and not make any assumptions about why anyone FF.
Sorry, I think you were way out of line

i have to agree.....you have no idea why she isn't BFing. if you told me that, i would have been pissed to no extent because you don't know my story and if you did, those words would have never come out of your mouth. maybe offering a solution like some free pumped milk would be nicer next time.



and i hate to say it....threads like this and the responses to other things i've seen across DS and the way i've been treated as a FFing mother...when i sit down two months from now at the keyboard with eli at the breast, i will find it way too hard to join the BFing forum. i've been on the other side of the fence on here and across the cyber world. i was attacked and hurt too many times. thankfully i have other friends that know what i am going to face and what i am trying to do and they are geared up to help....i just can't bring myself to ask for it here.
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Old 08-12-2008, 11:43 PM   #77
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Re: This is a support forum!

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Originally Posted by ashleykaymay View Post
i have to agree.....you have no idea why she isn't BFing. if you told me that, i would have been pissed to no extent because you don't know my story and if you did, those words would have never come out of your mouth. maybe offering a solution like some free pumped milk would be nicer next time.



and i hate to say it....threads like this and the responses to other things i've seen across DS and the way i've been treated as a FFing mother...when i sit down two months from now at the keyboard with eli at the breast, i will find it way too hard to join the BFing forum. i've been on the other side of the fence on here and across the cyber world. i was attacked and hurt too many times. thankfully i have other friends that know what i am going to face and what i am trying to do and they are geared up to help....i just can't bring myself to ask for it here.

I'm glad you will be able to find the nonjudgmental support you need. This is my first time in this forum, so it saddens me to hear your thoughts about bf here on DS. Luckliy, I have VERY support moms in my local moms group who helped tremendously when I was bf'ing and feel totally confident that if I had made the choice to or was forced to b/c of other reasons to FF, I would have gotten awesome support from my mammas! Local mom's groups kick booty!
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Old 08-12-2008, 11:48 PM   #78
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Re: This is a support forum!

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I'm glad you will be able to find the nonjudgmental support you need. This is my first time in this forum, so it saddens me to hear your thoughts about bf here on DS. Luckliy, I have VERY support moms in my local moms group who helped tremendously when I was bf'ing and feel totally confident that if I had made the choice to or was forced to b/c of other reasons to FF, I would have gotten awesome support from my mammas! Local mom's groups kick booty!
oh don't assume its always this wild. 99% of the time its a really great forum.
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Old 08-12-2008, 11:48 PM   #79
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Re: This is a support forum!

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Originally Posted by ashleykaymay View Post
i have to agree.....you have no idea why she isn't BFing. if you told me that, i would have been pissed to no extent because you don't know my story and if you did, those words would have never come out of your mouth. maybe offering a solution like some free pumped milk would be nicer next time.



and i hate to say it....threads like this and the responses to other things i've seen across DS and the way i've been treated as a FFing mother...when i sit down two months from now at the keyboard with eli at the breast, i will find it way too hard to join the BFing forum. i've been on the other side of the fence on here and across the cyber world. i was attacked and hurt too many times. thankfully i have other friends that know what i am going to face and what i am trying to do and they are geared up to help....i just can't bring myself to ask for it here.
Most people on here were NOT supportive of this. Just know that. The BFing Support forum is only what the members make it.

ETA: I'd just hate for you to not join in on the support because of a few bad apples and negative nellys.
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Old 08-12-2008, 11:53 PM   #80
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OP, no I DO NOT think you are out of line.

I haven't read through this entire thread, AND I'm not anti-formula feeding, but....

I do find it interesting that even though our bodies were created to feed our offspring, it is completely acceptable that those that choose to do so, or offer up their (solicited, mind you) opinions are berated. My TRIPLETS were in the NICU for 3 weeks, yet I was able to breastfeed two of the three. I'm not even saying that mothers should breastfeed. I'm just curious why those that make a choice to formula feed think it's okay to force their choices on those that have made the decision to breastfeed.
Two of the three at a time, or one just never got the hang of it?
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