View Poll Results: Do you really say mean things or expect and explanation from FFing mamas?
Yes 3 1.30%
No 204 88.70%
Sometimes 23 10.00%
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Old 08-21-2008, 02:32 PM   #101
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

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Originally Posted by JuliaMaite View Post
But the point is you don't know and (excuse the way this sounds) it's none of our business... bf is hard at the begining (it was for me, too). I really would like to be a support for moms that are encountering difficulties (like you did and got through), but at the end of the day, if you would have given up, I wouldn't judge you. ( glad you got through that and are bf)

Exactly.

Its different if someone offers up their story of why they chose (or didnt choose) to FF. But to try and get all up in someones buisness is just not right. Its their buisness. And regardless of their choice, it doesnt warrant the kind of backhanded comments people give out.

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Old 08-22-2008, 10:42 AM   #102
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I've never said anything about bottle/formula feeding to someone. However, I find that many formula feeding mama's feel the need to automatically defend their feeding choice. I've never required it. They don't need my approval, and sometimes, I'll be honest I don't agree with their reasoning. I don't say so. It's their body, their baby, their choice. However I feel annoyed at times that they want me to agree.

I've had people say things to me. But mostly it's just defensive stuff that I don't take personally. I'm sad that anyone feels they need to defend these things to me. We all do things our own way, for our own reasons, and have different priorities.

I worked hard to breastfeed my first DD. I cried before, during and after everytime she nursed for weeks. I took the meds given for my episiotomy to help deal with the pain of nursing, even though I felt bad for using it. It was very important to me though, and I kept at it. I feel a lot of people assume I didn't struggle, because I succeeded. But I'm past being offended now. I know it's not really about me.
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Old 08-22-2008, 05:32 PM   #103
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I would never say anything mean, but depending on the circumstances I might ask why, especially with a very young baby.
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Old 08-22-2008, 06:12 PM   #104
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I think that the few that do say things, make the bad rap for all bfing mommas. You know, like how people remember the bad things and sometimes forget the good things. Well, if they hear a few bad things being said about ffing mommas by bfing mommas, it's going to make a bigger impact than those bfing mommas who don't say anything. Does that make sense? My brain is on overdrive today.
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Old 08-22-2008, 06:43 PM   #105
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

Wow! I'm absolutely shocked that anyone would want to make someone else feel like they have to defend their choice to Bf or Ff their baby(s)....I've been on both sides and due to having to supplement DD I still am in both boats...It was an easy choice to FF my older DC after nursing each one for 4wks-8wks except for one who wouldn't latch no matter how hard I tried and couldn't even pump for her...I am heartbroken everyday nursing DD4 thinking that today could be the last due to low supply, supplements, solids, BC, etc...I feel for all the mama's whose choice(s) were made for them and for all the mama's that feel like they have to justify those choices to find acceptance in others. We should stand by one another no matter how we feed/diaper or babies...What ever your reason is for your choice, it is YOUR choice(and sometimes decide for you due to medical reasons) I've seen ppl that want to nurse but can't, ppl that can but don't, ppl that can't nurse but pump and bottle feed ebm and ppl that can BF and do.....

I would b/s/t with all of them, they are my friends
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Old 08-22-2008, 07:14 PM   #106
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I don't expect FFing moms to explain themselves at all. I know a lot of them are upset about their not being able to BF and I would never say something mean about something that so many moms already feel badly about, for no reason I might add.

As long as a mom FEEDS her baby an age appropriate food, I do not find it to be any of my business.
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Old 08-23-2008, 09:24 AM   #107
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

Absolutely not! I've also been shocked at some of the comments I have seen (here and elsewhere) regarding breastfeeding. I'm so happy I don't have that much in real life!
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Old 08-29-2008, 02:09 PM   #108
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

i am in tears now just reading this thread. my DD is going to be 6 months old next week and has been on formula her entire life, except for 1/2 of one day when she was taking a 1/2 oz every 3 oz. she was hospitalized for a month after birth and i had complications and i never really had a supply. i pumped every 2-3 hours for 10 weeks (until i literally could not pump a drop) and i never got more than 8 oz, that was on my best day ever. usually around 3-5 oz a day. this was on a host of drugs/herbs/teas and every induction protocol i could find. it breaks my heart that my LO and i were unable to share that experience of nursing, and that at the very least i coudln't even pump enough to feed her. i mourn this as though it was a death. i am still devastated. i've read such horrific things coming from DS mommies that i almost stopped coming on completely. i understand some moms just choose to FF, i have a friend who did that, but blamed not having enough milk though she refused to pump more than 2-3 times a day for a baby WHO COULD NURSE. it makes me sad that someone would choose not to because i tried so hard. but i would never NEVER say awful things about those mamas that i have heard on here. you can't automatically assume that someone is "choosing" to ff.

i hope i don't get another thread deleted, just wanted to say that yes i have experienced this and to point out that there may be a little more going on behind the scenes...

ETA the same mommy i was talking about before was pregnant at the same time i was. she asked me hwo long i was planning on nursing and i said hopefully a year at minimum. she was shocked and asked me if i knew babies can get teeth at 5 months. she said she planned on bfing for 3 months (i'm not making this up) because she didn't want her baby to ever ask for it in public or pull on her shirt.

i have the utmost respect for BFing mommies.

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Old 08-29-2008, 04:03 PM   #109
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

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Originally Posted by JuliaMaite View Post
But the point is you don't know and (excuse the way this sounds) it's none of our business... bf is hard at the begining (it was for me, too). I really would like to be a support for moms that are encountering difficulties (like you did and got through), but at the end of the day, if you would have given up, I wouldn't judge you. ( glad you got through that and are bf)
Yeah! No kidding! Besides, isn't legitimate a relative term? For instance I could think that non-latching or inadequate supply is legitimate while someone else thinks that the pain and difficulty is legitimate. And lets not forget the 1000's of woman who suffer postpartum depression who can't for no other reason then they can't!

You are unlikely going to get impartial feedback here as most people who say things that are perceived as nasty are unlikely to admit or believe that they are being a jerk. It can typically be rationalized as they are only passing on good information or voicing their opinion. Heck I see it in this thread.
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Old 08-29-2008, 10:52 PM   #110
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

[QUOTE=JuliaMaite;4549854]WOW! IRL, I usually get comments about my bf, like... oh you're STILL breastfeeding?? (my lo is 6 months old!! yea, I'm still breastfeeding...) and things like that, so sometimes my response (like the above) will seem a little snide, but it's defensive rather then trying to be mean.



I think both choices get scrutiny. I BF but none of my friends/family did and they ask why I am making it 'harder on myself'.......
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