View Poll Results: Do you really say mean things or expect and explanation from FFing mamas?
Yes 3 1.30%
No 204 88.70%
Sometimes 23 10.00%
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Old 08-13-2008, 12:20 PM   #31
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I occasionally comment on threads where there is a debate but make my best attempt to be diplomatic, not mean or knee-jerk reactionary. Mostly I stick to commenting on BF threads of mamas looking for support, though since that is my experience. I have IRL friends who FF for various reasons and I know that it would be crossing the line to publicly judge them or to even really worry about it, so I wouldn't want to do it on here, KWIM. However, if I make a pro BFing comment, I always worry that someone who FF's might be offended... I really don't like meanness between parents since we all have our struggles, so I try to avoid controversy tho I will wade into a thread at times if I feel there is something I can actually add to the discussion without stepping on toes, if possible.

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Old 08-13-2008, 12:23 PM   #32
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I think it is VERY hard to show what you mean over the internet, I don't see mean-ness and if so it is very rare and once in a blue moon.

I very rarely post in the BFing support anymore because I got tired of the drama if a BFing Mom says "Wow look at all these benefits from BFing" and gets bashed because she said that and it makes her anti-formula
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Old 08-13-2008, 12:53 PM   #33
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I don't say anything or expect explaination, but I am a FFing mom. I have seen it happen and have gotten one rude comment about it here on DS. I have gotten LOTS of flack for it out in the "real world."

I think that most BFing moms don't intend for anything they say to be mean, but it is a very sensitive issue. A lot of FFing moms (myself included) didn't intend to FF from the beginning. When a BFing mom says something that may be even slightly offensive it tends to get taken the wrong way. I think BFing moms need to remember that a lot of us FFing moms already feel guilty about having/choosing to FF. We know the benefits, we know that it's extremely uncommon to be completely unable to BF. Sometimes, however, it just becomes better for your family to not. And no one has the right to judge how another family decides to feed their children.
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Old 08-13-2008, 12:58 PM   #34
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I don't. The way I see it, it's a mother's choice how she feeds her babe. As long as she's feeding her DC, who cares HOW she does it!
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Old 08-13-2008, 12:59 PM   #35
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I never say anything mean. I mean what would I say? I am all about bfing and yes people do say silly things sometimes for bfing but I would never say anything about formula feeding. And I've never heard anyone say anything about ffing to a ffing mom.
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Old 08-13-2008, 01:08 PM   #36
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I've had FF moms approach me and tell me their BF disaster stories more than once. It's like I'm supposed to give them absolution or something, and I never know if I should tell them the truth or make them feel better. I usually just keep my mouth shut and nod a lot. If I tell them the truth (usually that your ped/MIL/nurse/etc. gave you bad advice) I'm seen as unsupportive and mean, and I'm not one to just tell them what they want to hear.

I wouldn't not buy from someone because they FF, unless they had something obnoxiously pro-FF (or pro-circ) in their sig. That would put me off.
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Old 08-13-2008, 01:10 PM   #37
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

Considering I've done both and received some flack for both, I don't expect anyone to explain anything to me.
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Old 08-13-2008, 01:14 PM   #38
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Katherine* View Post
Considering I've done both and received some flack for both, I don't expect anyone to explain anything to me.
Some people need to cut their noses a little shorter!
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Old 08-13-2008, 01:18 PM   #39
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by togg_mama View Post
Some people need to cut their noses a little shorter!
exactly!!!
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Old 08-13-2008, 01:21 PM   #40
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I actually have seen it a few times - online and IRL. I can't remember if it was here online or another site. It doesn't really matter - I think as mamas we all need to remember that we are doing the best we can, with what we have, at the place in our lives where we are. If that means sposies, then we as mamas can feel bad for that mama if we feel cd is better. If that means ff, then we bfing mamas can feel bad for that mama because we wish she was bfing. Etc, etc, etc. But I don't think anyone has the right to be meanspirited towards another mama - whether online or IRL. You can politely ask if they have ever considered cding or if they need support in their efforts to bf, and leave it at that.

My personal opinion is that the best mama is one who is not stressed out - if your bf supply stresses you out to the point where you can't be a good mama otherwise, then consider supplementing. If cding stresses you out to the point you can get anything else done because you are worried about rashes, laundry, etc - then consider sposies. I have a very good friend IRL who bf her dd. Her dd was born over 8 lbs. and for some reason, she failed to thrive even being EBF. The pediatrician and lactation consultants kept telling my friend to just keep nursing, that it was okay, etc. Her dd looked almost skeleton-like at 4 months because of all her loose skin. She even had to wear preemie clothing and this was a baby who was good size at birth!!! Finally my friend started supplementing at 5 months because she couldn't take the stress anymore. Then when her ds was born a few years later, she refused to even consider bfing because of the stress from before. As her friend, I WAS SAD FOR HER BUT I NEVER JUDGED HER OR WAS MEAN. She felt she would be a better mama if she wasn't totally stressed about weight gain, FTT, supply, feeding schedules, dr. appts for growth checks, etc. And as her friend, I supported her in that.

I guess what I really want to say is that we never know what circumstances our fellow mamas are in or what situation they are in. So we can offer our knowledge and support in a non-judgmental way but we can't force them to take it.

just my long-winded 2 cents !
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