View Poll Results: Do you really say mean things or expect and explanation from FFing mamas?
Yes 3 1.30%
No 204 88.70%
Sometimes 23 10.00%
Voters: 230. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-13-2008, 01:26 PM   #41
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I never have and it isn't any of my business how other people feed their children. It is their business not mine. Children grow up and happy and healthy on formula. Isn't that what matters?

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Old 08-13-2008, 01:29 PM   #42
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

No never ever! Then again I a not mean about most things that has to do with ones parenting I think it's really sad and so low of people to bash other mamas for stuff like that

Oh and I am pro BFing I BF both my girls Although if I wasn't able to i would be devastated like most moms I know that have had to FF
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Old 08-13-2008, 02:52 PM   #43
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

To be honest... it doesn't really matter to me. If I know somebody IRL who is pregnant and curious about Bfing-- yes, I will try and offer advice and promote breastfeeding... but only if they are receptive to it. Otherwise, there is no point. I definitely don't see the point in berating someone or being snide because they don't BF their child and you do. What would you want the person to do? BF their child and hate every minute of it? Think of what THAT would do to a baby; if every feeding session was nothing but stress and bad feelings. I would like for more women to want to breastfeed... but that's only becuase I enjoy it so much and find it to be such a beautiful thing-- I want to share it with EVERYONE (like a good book )

I guess I live in a waaay different area than most of you do, though. Almost everyone around here FF. I get negative crap about breastfeeding all the time. Strangers make comments. All of my friends ask me every time they see me if I'm *STILL* BFing (my daughter's only 2.5 months old for crying out loud!)

I guess that's a big part of the reason why I spend so much time here on DS-- because everywhere else, my only advocate is my DSO. I have nobody to support me in my efforts to be the best mom I can be. I feel that (for >>me<<) that means BFing and CDing... but everyone else gets defensive about it. It's almost as if they feel the need to make ME feel bad about my choices so that they can feel better or more justified in their own.

Yes, on here, BFing moms seem to be the majority. But elsewhere, this really isn't so. More moms are *trying* BFing; says statistics... but the reality is that many moms don't stick with it (for whatever reasons) and those moms end up feeling defensive about their FF choices and so tak it out on BFing mama's. This is NOT always the case, but I have seen a lot of it. I can see why they would feel defensive, though. Nobody wants to be told they aren't doing the "best" for their child. That would bring on defensiveness in any parent.

I have seen some pretty insensitive comments online. Only a couple were on here-- but that's probably becuase there aren't a lot of FF mommies that speak out on this forum. I did see one, though, where a mom was talking about a comment she'd made on another forum being negatively recieved. She'd pretty much told a mama (that was having fincanical difficulties and couldn't afford formula,) that she should have just BF. Obviously the woman had already made up her mind about BFing, and making her feel like crap certainly wasn't going to change that.

Stuff like that is probably why I catch so much crap for BFing. If FF mamas are put "on the spot" and feel like they have to justify their choices, then they are more likely to lash out at people who havn't made the same decisions. It's a vicious cycle, and it's pointless. We're all just parents trying to do our best. That's the only the that should matter.
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Old 08-13-2008, 03:04 PM   #44
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

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Originally Posted by Meredith+2 View Post
I've had FF moms approach me and tell me their BF disaster stories more than once. It's like I'm supposed to give them absolution or something, and I never know if I should tell them the truth or make them feel better. I usually just keep my mouth shut and nod a lot. If I tell them the truth (usually that your ped/MIL/nurse/etc. gave you bad advice) I'm seen as unsupportive and mean, and I'm not one to just tell them what they want to hear.
I wonder about the same things. I never ask people to explain why they FF. But ff moms do often volunteer why they couldn't bf, and occasionally I want to say, "you know, you got bad information" but I don't think that's really ever a helpful comment, even if it was true. I also recognize that there are situations where their decision was a medical necessity. So I keep these thoughts to myself.

It's a difficult situation. I don't think anyone has a right to be judgemental of a mom's decision to ff but at the same time I hope ff moms don't feel automatically criticized when bf'ing is promoted as the better choice to feed babies.
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Old 08-13-2008, 03:09 PM   #45
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

I know there are some BFing mamas who are rude and judgemental. I've seen a couple comments here and there, but I also think that some FF mamas who have been chastised before tend to stereotype it a little. I think all the stereotyping should stop. FF moms don't want to be stereotyped as simply "not wanting to BF" because as we know, many had no other choice and were unable to nurse. Likewise, BF moms don't want to be generalized as being judgemental and rude. I hope I don't get criticized here, but I wonder since so many FF feel guilty because they wanted to nurse, maybe they are a bit more defensive than they need to be? Not that I blame them. I'd be upset too, but I also know tons of BFing mamas who couldn't care less how someone else feeds their baby, myself included and wouldn't pass judgement. I've made my choice, and for whatever reason-- whether it be because they couldn't BF or simply wanted to FF- they have made theirs. In the end, we all love our kids. :-)
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Old 08-13-2008, 03:12 PM   #46
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

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Originally Posted by cheygirl View Post
It's a difficult situation. I don't think anyone has a right to be judgemental of a mom's decision to ff but at the same time I hope ff moms don't feel automatically criticized when bf'ing is promoted as the better choice to feed babies.
This is what I'm constantly worried about. I fell like even saying breastmilk is best automatically makes someone using formula feel bad and feel the need to justify why breastmilk wasn't best for them.

Example: someone asks if I'm going to breastfeed or use formula. I say, "I'll breastfeed. I think breastmilk is best." And all of a sudden I'm attacked and considered rude, judgmental, etc. because it's not best in their situation. However, I don't see anything mean, rude, etc. in that statement. KWIM? People say organic food is best, but I don't feel that I'm less of a mom or less of a great parent because I can't afford organic food.

I guess I'm just torn on this whole thing. I feel like I can't win for losing.
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Old 08-13-2008, 03:14 PM   #47
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

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Originally Posted by mommy2olivia View Post
I know there are some BFing mamas who are rude and judgemental. I've seen a couple comments here and there, but I also think that some FF mamas who have been chastised before tend to stereotype it a little. I think all the stereotyping should stop. FF moms don't want to be stereotyped as simply "not wanting to BF" because as we know, many had no other choice and were unable to nurse. Likewise, BF moms don't want to be generalized as being judgemental and rude. I hope I don't get criticized here, but I wonder since so many FF feel guilty because they wanted to nurse, maybe they are a bit more defensive than they need to be? Not that I blame them. I'd be upset too, but I also know tons of BFing mamas who couldn't care less how someone else feeds their baby, myself included and wouldn't pass judgement. I've made my choice, and for whatever reason-- whether it be because they couldn't BF or simply wanted to FF- they have made theirs. In the end, we all love our kids. :-)
And that's the other thing. I don't want to be stereotyped as judgmental and not understanding, etc. just because I think breastmilk is best.
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Old 08-13-2008, 03:17 PM   #48
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

Maybe it's not so obvious anymore, but there have been some REALLY heated discussions about BFing/FFing... I'm shocked that the blinkie one hasn't spun out of control yet. Or maybe it has and I just haven't looked yet!

Anyway, I voted sometimes, because if someone TOLD ME that they were ONLY FFing because it would ruin their body or it wasn't good for their body, or some other untrue thing, I might ask where they got the information from. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No one OWES me an explanation and I don't think poorly of people who chose not to EBF, but I do think there are a LOT of mamas on here that do. A LOT!! I have seen some horrible, awful things said. Didn't someone call it rat poison....
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Old 08-13-2008, 03:27 PM   #49
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

Quite frankly I just wish everyone would butt out of each others feeding choices. And I've gotten flack for formula feeding and bfing. it goes both ways.
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Old 08-13-2008, 03:35 PM   #50
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Re: Do you really say mean things or expect an explanation?

Yeah, rat poison's a bit harsh. At the same time, I have a bone to pick with formula companies. They have a responsibility to produce the healthiest breastmilk substitute that they can, but I don't think they do. It's a very processed food, not necessarily produced from the most quality ingredients, and I was upset to learn recently that there is bisphenol A in canned formula. If I was FF'ing my kid, I'd be up in arms about this. Instead of criticizing each other, we should be calling on these companies to do better.
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