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Old 08-18-2008, 09:27 PM   #101
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Re: Selective reduction

Please keep us posted as to what her descision is. I just can't imagine having to face her situation.

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Old 08-19-2008, 12:30 AM   #102
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Re: Selective reduction

Bsmama, sorry this got into a big debate. I'm glad your sister and her husband were able to make a decision and will be praying for the babies. Their chances really are much better with twins ( this chart really makes that clear). I hope your family can give them the support they need whatever the outcome.
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Old 08-19-2008, 12:44 AM   #103
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Re: Selective reduction

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Originally Posted by ThatLinGirl View Post
Yup. I'm sorry -- I don't have the scientific links and personal experience you're asking for, but I wanted to lend some support. I can not even imagine how difficult it must be to be in her situation -- in the UK they consider it a severe form of psychological trauma and provide long term counseling, regardless of the decision made.

I would reduce in her situation. No doubt about it. Would there be guilt? Yes, but the odds are simply better -- I could not handle the overwhelming odds of losing ALL of those babies rather than a precious few -- that would provide even MORE guilt. I know she's in a horrid place emotionally.

For those who are saying she'd be taking the lives of her children, is it really better to take MORE of them through inaction? That's what the odds are on the side of, unfortunately -- and while many of you obviously still think it wrong, that's just the way it is odds-wise, unfortunately. We're not talking twins or triplets here -- those stories are not comparable.
same here. I actually was just talking about this tonight with a friend. It would be terribly sad, but if the risk of carrying all was greater than the risk of SR, that would be my choice.

I'm sorry they're dealing with this and hope they are able to grieve and move on to loving the chance of a better life they are hoping the remaining little ones have.
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Old 08-19-2008, 03:55 AM   #104
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Re: Selective reduction

Hugs to your whole family . . . not a decision I would ever want to be faced with . . .
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Old 08-19-2008, 07:02 PM   #105
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Re: Selective reduction

IMHO the emotional damage she wil inflict upon herself for the rest of her life by *selectively reducing* or basically aborting a few isn't worth it.

if she thinks she can't handle having large # of multiples, then can she live with knowing she killed a few of her kids all her life? that doctor doesn't have to live with the decision (well maybe he does but not like she will).

And, if she can't handle all them, then WHY did she take fertility treatments? How is that right to the child because "she can't handle it" so life if then dispensable?

That would be like me telling one of my 7 (almost 8 ) well I really don't have time for you now sooooo, you're outta here, for life.

Sorry but I jsut think IMHO if you choose to do fertility drugs then you need to be willing to accept the fact that you could very possibly get multiples, but it was still YOUR choice.
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:45 AM   #106
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Re: Selective reduction

Could your sister ask her doctor if there are any IVF support groups or other patients who have been there, she could talk to regarding this decision? It's such a huge decision and only she can make it. Here are a few links to support groups I found.

http://groups.msn.com/allformaybebab...reduction.msnw

http://forums.fertilitycommunity.com/



God Bless you for being there for her in such a difficult time.
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Old 08-20-2008, 11:17 PM   #107
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Re: Selective reduction

It sounds like there is certainly a chance that she could carry all 5 to viability but that chance is extremely small. The chance of them all dying is much higher than surviving.
I'd lean towards reducing, I think, if I were in that situation.

Its a heart wrenching decision, no doubt. I hope that doctor learns a lesson and will discontinue the practice of placing so many embryos in his patients.
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Old 08-21-2008, 01:01 AM   #108
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Re: Selective reduction

for your family. I'm sure it was a very difficult decision. But I think in her shoes I would have done the same.
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Old 08-21-2008, 07:57 AM   #109
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Re: Selective reduction

I'm sorry your sister and her husband are going through this. I sure don't know what I would do if I where in her shoes. This must be such a terrible time for them.

I just wanted to offer hugs and prayers and hope she will find the answer and be at peice with her dicision no matter what the outcome is.
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Old 08-21-2008, 09:00 AM   #110
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Re: Selective reduction

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Originally Posted by beautiful7 View Post
IMHO the emotional damage she wil inflict upon herself for the rest of her life by *selectively reducing* or basically aborting a few isn't worth it.

if she thinks she can't handle having large # of multiples, then can she live with knowing she killed a few of her kids all her life? that doctor doesn't have to live with the decision (well maybe he does but not like she will).

And, if she can't handle all them, then WHY did she take fertility treatments? How is that right to the child because "she can't handle it" so life if then dispensable?

That would be like me telling one of my 7 (almost 8 ) well I really don't have time for you now sooooo, you're outta here, for life.

Sorry but I jsut think IMHO if you choose to do fertility drugs then you need to be willing to accept the fact that you could very possibly get multiples, but it was still YOUR choice.
You're clearly missing the point. It isn't about not wanting to parent a high order of multiples, it is about the fact that odds are overwhelmingly in favor of losing ALL of the babies if she leaves things be, or leaves things "in God's hands".

I am not at a point where I can really understand how someone could see deliberately choosing not to intervene as making them any less responsible than choosing to intervene. The odds are in the favor of reducing for the living children's sake. By deliberate non-action, the odds are in strongly favor of you "killing" more embryos through non-action. The choice was made.

Sure, you can leave it to your God, but realize those overwhelming odds of death are WITH his blessing/intervention/whathaveyou, so those odds do include general you, or anyone else going through this situation. I wouldn't be counting on MY children being saved when nearly everyone else's weren't.

JMO. Don't think it kind at all to be calling her a murderer at this point. You can most certainly disagree with me, and I'd fight for your option to do so any day of the week, but going there with the murder comments is very inflammatory and downright cruel. I see the blame as equally high with either decision and really, to me, that is no blame at all. Both options are horridly painful. I know many of you feel differently. Should fewer embryos have been transfered? Certainly -- but this could have happened even with a double transfer. I'd want to do what gave some of my children the best odds rather than having to more likely than not say goodbye to every one of them.
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