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Old 08-21-2008, 09:29 AM   #111
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Re: Selective reduction

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Originally Posted by lucymae View Post
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my
motherís womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not
hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven
together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of
them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

Even when we don't understand, God has a plan and a purpose, no matter what the outcome. God created each one of those little lives and he has all their days planned out weather it is weeks in the womb or 50 years on this earth.
Well said.

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Old 08-21-2008, 10:05 AM   #112
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Re: Selective reduction

I had IVF due to years of infertility. I was fortunate enough to get pregnant with my DD on the first round. My DH and I had the "what if" discussions before we found out how many of the 3 transferred embryos had implanted. It is not an easy decision and my heart goes out to you and your family.
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Old 08-21-2008, 12:10 PM   #113
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Re: Selective reduction

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You're clearly missing the point. It isn't about not wanting to parent a high order of multiples, it is about the fact that odds are overwhelmingly in favor of losing ALL of the babies if she leaves things be, or leaves things "in God's hands".

I am not at a point where I can really understand how someone could see deliberately choosing not to intervene as making them any less responsible than choosing to intervene. The odds are in the favor of reducing for the living children's sake. By deliberate non-action, the odds are in strongly favor of you "killing" more embryos through non-action. The choice was made.

Sure, you can leave it to your God, but realize those overwhelming odds of death are WITH his blessing/intervention/whathaveyou, so those odds do include general you, or anyone else going through this situation. I wouldn't be counting on MY children being saved when nearly everyone else's weren't.

JMO. Don't think it kind at all to be calling her a murderer at this point. You can most certainly disagree with me, and I'd fight for your option to do so any day of the week, but going there with the murder comments is very inflammatory and downright cruel. I see the blame as equally high with either decision and really, to me, that is no blame at all. Both options are horridly painful. I know many of you feel differently. Should fewer embryos have been transfered? Certainly -- but this could have happened even with a double transfer. I'd want to do what gave some of my children the best odds rather than having to more likely than not say goodbye to every one of them.
Thank you
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Old 08-21-2008, 12:44 PM   #114
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Re: Selective reduction

I have just thoughts and hugs for your family! What a horrible decision for anyone to have to make!
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Old 08-21-2008, 01:00 PM   #115
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Re: Selective reduction

I would have to let the babies stay and let them have a chance to live. If some will die, it wouldn't be at her choosing. That would be easier than knowing that I chose which ones could live and which ones couldn't.

This is a reminder of why we have to decide how we feel about issues like this before they come up. (I'm not saying this to your sister, but to those of us who aren't there yet...)
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Old 08-21-2008, 01:02 PM   #116
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Re: Selective reduction

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Originally Posted by whitecalx View Post
It sounds like there is certainly a chance that she could carry all 5 to viability but that chance is extremely small. The chance of them all dying is much higher than surviving.
I'd lean towards reducing, I think, if I were in that situation.

Its a heart wrenching decision, no doubt. I hope that doctor learns a lesson and will discontinue the practice of placing so many embryos in his patients.
Are the chances of them all dying higher than of any surviving?
And chance does not predict what will happen in the future, it reports on patterns of what has happened in the past.

Last edited by Birdwatcher; 08-21-2008 at 01:07 PM. Reason: more
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Old 08-21-2008, 01:03 PM   #117
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Re: Selective reduction

Not sure if this helps, but I was pregnant with triplets last year, all naturally. The Dr also suggested SR. We had twins in one sac and a singleton in her own sac. The Dr wanted to SR the twins so that the single baby had a better chance. We decided against it. The twins died at 14 weeks. It was devastating but in the end, Im glad that I let nature decide the outcome. I wasnt not sure it was my place (or the Dr) to make such a huge decision. Our "singleton" is fine now, we still mourn our twins but I do feel content that it was in Gods hands.

To your sister, this is soooo hard. I know. Ive been there. Feel free to PM me if you want. I know 3 isnt 5 but.....

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Old 08-21-2008, 01:12 PM   #118
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Re: Selective reduction

There is no black and white with this issue. Of course, no mother (or father) should ever have to make this decision but if the mother's life or the life of the other babies is in danger, then selective reduction could be the only option. This might be unpopular but I will never feel that it is better to let a living person die for the sake of the unborn. My thoughts are with your family.
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Old 08-21-2008, 01:13 PM   #119
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Re: Selective reduction

i just wanted to stop by and give you ....you are a brave soul to post a question like that on this board.
DH and I have talked at length about this as we went through IVF #1 and are now preparing for ivf#2 in the next couple of months. I am not here to impose my opinions on you or your sister as i don't believe you were really asking for people's opinions in the first place. But I do have a great resource that would be helpful for your sister...that being it is only a place where other women who are in her shoes talk about that tough decision. the website is www.ivfconnections.com and there is a folder esp for selective reduction. My thoughts are with your sister as she faces this terrible decision.

Oh and to the OP, you may want to edit your original post to show that you are only looking for stories, links & info not people's opinions...lots of times people don't read all of the posts and have missed where you updated the info.

Last edited by kristinc; 08-21-2008 at 01:57 PM.
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Old 08-21-2008, 02:16 PM   #120
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Re: Selective reduction

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatLinGirl View Post
You're clearly missing the point. It isn't about not wanting to parent a high order of multiples, it is about the fact that odds are overwhelmingly in favor of losing ALL of the babies if she leaves things be, or leaves things "in God's hands".

I am not at a point where I can really understand how someone could see deliberately choosing not to intervene as making them any less responsible than choosing to intervene. The odds are in the favor of reducing for the living children's sake. By deliberate non-action, the odds are in strongly favor of you "killing" more embryos through non-action. The choice was made.

Sure, you can leave it to your God, but realize those overwhelming odds of death are WITH his blessing/intervention/whathaveyou, so those odds do include general you, or anyone else going through this situation. I wouldn't be counting on MY children being saved when nearly everyone else's weren't.

JMO. Don't think it kind at all to be calling her a murderer at this point. You can most certainly disagree with me, and I'd fight for your option to do so any day of the week, but going there with the murder comments is very inflammatory and downright cruel. I see the blame as equally high with either decision and really, to me, that is no blame at all. Both options are horridly painful. I know many of you feel differently. Should fewer embryos have been transfered? Certainly -- but this could have happened even with a double transfer. I'd want to do what gave some of my children the best odds rather than having to more likely than not say goodbye to every one of them.
ITA

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Originally Posted by jessamonk View Post
Are the chances of them all dying higher than of any surviving?
YES! Chances of death are 4-15 times higher for quintuplets than twins. It's kind of all or nothing, since the fetuses share a womb and are competing for maternal resources. One big problem is early delivery. If singletons are born at 20 weeks, they would also have poor chances of making it. A quintuplet pregnancy hardly ever reaches 30 weeks.
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