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Old 08-16-2008, 12:49 PM   #41
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Re: Selective reduction

I would tell her to do what she thinks is best for her.

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Old 08-16-2008, 12:50 PM   #42
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Re: Selective reduction

To answer some questions- she is about 9 1/2 weeks right now. If reduction is done, it will be around 11 weeks. She is having weekly scans to determine the babies progress. There is a chance that she could lose some or all of the babies naturally, which is one reason they are doing the weekly monitoring.

As for now, they do not think that any of the babies are twins (or eggs that split). It does make everything even more difficult if this is the case.

She has had appointments with many doctors- the IVF specialists, a perionatologists, and her regular OB-GYN. Every doctor supports reduction.

Thank you to all that shared success stories here and via PM. I am coveting these prayers and stories. For now I am supporting my sister and whatever decision her and her husband decide on. Although the majority of people believe that they would not reduce, it is not an easy answer. I am afraid of the constant "what ifs" that will plague my sister for the rest of her life.
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Old 08-16-2008, 01:32 PM   #43
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Re: Selective reduction

Hi again. Just wanted to add a link to a scientific article about infant mortality in singleton and multiple births and the number of embryos to implant. chart "The most remarkable benefit of limitation was clearly in the case of quintuplets. If they were replaced by twins, the avoidable excess mortality would be in the range of 74–93%."
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Old 08-16-2008, 01:44 PM   #44
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Re: Selective reduction

I'm sorry but I 100% DO NOT agree with her dr.. it is NOT right to say she must end those children's lives..she knew by doing IVF she could get multiples...I say she should see a counselor about handling that many at once, yes it will be a challenge but those children deserve life... NO WAY should she do it!!
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Old 08-16-2008, 02:05 PM   #45
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Re: Selective reduction

Honestly I would carry them all. I cannot imagine looking at my babies and "choosing" which ones should not be here. It will be hard but I cannot imagine having to explain to my children that they had brothers or sisters who gave up their lives so they could live. HOw do you explain to them that They were just one of the lucky ones.
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Old 08-16-2008, 02:10 PM   #46
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Re: Selective reduction

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Originally Posted by bsmama View Post
I am coveting these prayers and stories. For now I am supporting my sister and whatever decision her and her husband decide on. Although the majority of people believe that they would not reduce, it is not an easy answer. I am afraid of the constant "what ifs" that will plague my sister for the rest of her life.
This is the best you can do mama!!! Support them whatever decision they make. As with multiple replies already (with the understanding that you were seeking the opinions) - it is so easy for "us" to judge when we are not in their shoes. The last thing they need is more judgement. The "what ifs" will be there regardless of what they decide (unless they would be able to carry all babies close to term with no adverse problems - then it would be easy to say "we made the 'right' choice").

Each struggle with infertilty is beyond difficult, but each one IS different and CANNOT be compared. So sorry that they have had to struggle so much, and then be faced with this potentially devastating situation. You are right when you say that there isn't an easy answer - this is their reality right now based on previous decisions made. Doctors make recommendations based on what they feel is best for the patient, but also what they feel is best regarding their "liability" in the situation and possible outcomes. Sometimes, those two can conflict.

I had a good friend from college who was pregnant with 7 babies. She struggled with whether to reduce or not based on the strong suggestion of her Doctors. She decided to not reduce. 1 baby died in the first trimester, 2 more died in the second trimester. She carried the remaining babies to about 34 weeks, and they are all healthy (slightly over a year old).

Best wishes as you support your family!!!
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Old 08-16-2008, 02:27 PM   #47
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Re: Selective reduction

I did know of someone who had SR. She did IVF and conceived four babies. Dr's thought that was too many and so the couple agreed to terminate two of the babies. The experience for them was terrible. She couldn't even tell us what they did to kill the babies. She said it would haunt her all of her life.

There will be many "what ifs". As there always is with infertility. (and by the way, trying 6 or 4 months to conceive is NOT infertility! Try YEARS!!! I wish my trying for a baby was measured in so few months...)

I feel for them, but I know I would let nature take it's course. Since I had the babies created, I really couldn't destroy them. As an infertility and multiple miscarriage sufferer I think it would be beyond my capablity to put an end to a life...

to you all. WHATEVER decision is made, it will be difficult for the present time and for the near future.
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Old 08-16-2008, 02:53 PM   #48
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Re: Selective reduction

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There will be many "what ifs". As there always is with infertility. (and by the way, trying 6 or 4 months to conceive is NOT infertility! Try YEARS!!! I wish my trying for a baby was measured in so few months...)
I'm starting to get very upset.
For those of you who INSIST that my family doesn't know infertility and have had the NERVE to pm me to tell me so,
My DH's sperm count is SO LOW that we were told that we would never conceive naturally, and if we did it would be a miracle.
The sperm he does have are poor swimmers at that, so again, we were told that IUI or IVF was our only choice.
We tried for 2 years before we got pregnant with DD. THAT WAS GUT WRENCHING! I don't care if you say that it wasn't, I know what is in my heart and it hurt.
AND THEN to try and suffer losses, and try again, that was even worse than it taking so long.
Yes, it is very possible that we could have spent thousands of $$ on treatments and IUI and IVF, but I feel that if God wills us to have a child, then we will have one. In the end, if this pregnancy is not viable, we will stop trying and just adopt. I can't take the HEARTACHE of trying with no results any longer.

And shame on you women, to say to someone else who has felt the PAIN of TTC and had issues, that it doesn't count because there was no $$ spent on it. SHAME ON YOU!
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Old 08-16-2008, 03:00 PM   #49
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Re: Selective reduction

just wanted to offer a hug to you and your sister. I can only imagine the heartbreak, stress, and anxiety she must be feeling. Let alone be dealing with this issue. My prayers are with her and her desicions!
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Old 08-16-2008, 03:22 PM   #50
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Re: Selective reduction

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I lost a baby shortly after birth due to a neural tube defect. We knew she was going to die from it, but we chose to have her anyway. I NEVER for one day regret my decision to have her. I cherish those few sweet moments that I was blessed with her life, as short as it was. In the end your sister (or friend, I can't remember which) must make a decision that is right for her; but I can tell you from my experience I would never have done things differently, and never would (if the situation presents itself in the future).

I said this to make the point that I really feel that you never regret having your baby, but you can regret NOT having your baby. I think by just allowing what to happen what will happen, you diminish the feeling of "what if". I will be praying for your sister and her babies.
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