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Old 08-16-2008, 03:48 PM   #51
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Re: Selective reduction

Laceysmom - I am pming you with an apology.

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Old 08-16-2008, 03:53 PM   #52
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Re: Selective reduction

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In the end, if this pregnancy is not viable, we will stop trying and just adopt.
Wow. I hope you don't convey that attitude of last resort or second best to your adopted children, if you have them. And trust me, if you think the infertility roller coaster is hard...just wait for the adoption one.
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Old 08-16-2008, 04:06 PM   #53
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Re: Selective reduction

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Wow. I hope you don't convey that attitude of last resort or second best to your adopted children, if you have them. And trust me, if you think the infertility roller coaster is hard...just wait for the adoption one.
I'm not saying that we'll get our tubes tied and vasectomies and just never have the possibility again. I'm just saying that we won't chart anymore or temp, or use saliva monitors and ovulation prediction kits or any of that stuff. I can't take the heartache of trying with losses and no results anymore. It really zaps me emotionally.

Adoption is not last resort or second best by any means. Yes we want to have another biological child, but I would be just as happy with an adoptive child.

Motherhood is a blessing no matter how it comes to you.
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Old 08-16-2008, 04:35 PM   #54
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Re: Selective reduction

Personally I would not be able to reduce and live with myself. She needs to make the decison that is best for her and her family.
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Old 08-16-2008, 04:50 PM   #55
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Re: Selective reduction

*I* could not SR no matter what she chooses, just be there for her its going to be tough, she is so lucky to have a sister who cares ill be praying for y'all. please keep us updated
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Old 08-16-2008, 05:02 PM   #56
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Re: Selective reduction

I guess I'll be the odd one out who says she should reduce to twins or triplets.

I struggled with infertility for years, and my husband and I had the "what if" talk before starting fertility treatments. We agreed that if we got pregnant with more than triplets, we would reduce. I took into account my health, the health of the potential babies, and our quality of life should we end up having four or five premature babies. We agreed that a twin or triplet pregnancy is all we could handle.

The media doesn't cover the women who have their children early, the ones who die in utero. The ones who are born severely premature, blind, deaf, disabled for life. No, you see the rosey success stories like that wretched Kate Gosselin. She has everything handed to her, just because she was selfish and put her life and the lives of her children at risk.

I was on an IF message board, a woman got pregnant with quads via IVF. She wanted to keep all four babies, despite her warning from her doctors. She lost all four boys at 22 weeks. In retrospect, she admits she should have reduced, and if she did, she'd have 2 year old twin boys, rather than no children at all.
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Old 08-16-2008, 05:12 PM   #57
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Re: Selective reduction

It should be her decision. Only she knows if she can live with the consequences of any of the choices. Just support her fully, and don't do any "I told you so" type stuff. She shouldn't let ANYONE, even the doctor, decide for her, because, ultimately, it's her life & that of her unborn children. She needs to decide what risks/actions she can live with & which she can't.

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Old 08-16-2008, 05:22 PM   #58
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Re: Selective reduction

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Originally Posted by laceysmom View Post

Motherhood is a blessing no matter how it comes to you.
EXACTLY, even if it comes through IVF.


Hugs to both you and your sister, I can not imagine being in her shoes. Also I think that it is great that you support her even though you do not agree with her.

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Old 08-16-2008, 05:48 PM   #59
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Re: Selective reduction

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Originally Posted by pitter_patter View Post
I guess I'll be the odd one out who says she should reduce to twins or triplets.

I struggled with infertility for years, and my husband and I had the "what if" talk before starting fertility treatments. We agreed that if we got pregnant with more than triplets, we would reduce. I took into account my health, the health of the potential babies, and our quality of life should we end up having four or five premature babies. We agreed that a twin or triplet pregnancy is all we could handle.

The media doesn't cover the women who have their children early, the ones who die in utero. The ones who are born severely premature, blind, deaf, disabled for life. No, you see the rosey success stories like that wretched Kate Gosselin. She has everything handed to her, just because she was selfish and put her life and the lives of her children at risk.

I was on an IF message board, a woman got pregnant with quads via IVF. She wanted to keep all four babies, despite her warning from her doctors. She lost all four boys at 22 weeks. In retrospect, she admits she should have reduced, and if she did, she'd have 2 year old twin boys, rather than no children at all.

I'm going to have to agree with you. After dealing with infertility and finally concieving through IVF, there were MANY discussions about SR. I am so thankful we were never in that postion though as I know it would be a difficult decision to make. However, I also have worked in a NICU and have seen some heartbreaking outcomes to carrying high order multiples. As a pp stated, you don't see all the cases that don't have perfect outcomes. You don't hear about the moms who lost their entire pregnancy and almost their own lives by trying to carry to term. It's SUCH a personal decision and my thoughts and prayers are with them whatever their decision may be. You are doing all you can by being there for her and supporting her decision. I'm sure she never thought she would be in this position and this decision will be with her for the rest of her life.
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Old 08-16-2008, 10:34 PM   #60
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Re: Selective reduction

My thoughts and prayers are with your sister also. I am an IVF mama getting ready to do an frozen embryo transfer next month. I have seven little babies on ice.
DH and I have had multiple discussions on what we would do if we were pg with more than three. Still to this day we have never really answered our questions because we haven't been in that situation yet.

Now I do have to say that I expressed that I was a little worried about having twins again to the RE but we are still putting in 2 blasts (I think) or three 3 dayers that we have. I know I did it the first time and I can do it again.

Your sister has a big decision to make. It needs to be what her heart tells her. She will know what is the right decision for her and her family. Big hugs to her. I'll keep her in my prayers.
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