Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-16-2008, 06:47 AM   #1
seahawk's Avatar
seahawk
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 719
I found my daughter!!

I am so excited. I found my daughter lost to adoption 19 years ago. I spoke with her sister last night, but I haven't gotten to speak to her yet. At least I know she is alive!!

I have such mixed emotions. Apparently, neither of the adopted daughters ever "connected" with the aparents (her words). I also found out they lied to me so much. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, since it was supposed to be a semi-open adoption and they didn't follow through with that. I am so glad I spoke with her sister first. I will not say anything negative about the aparents to my daughter, but it was really hard not to when I found all of these things out.

Her sister is going to contact her and tell her we talked, so hopefully I will get to talk to her at least soon. I can't imagine what she is going through. It must be so scary. I had to tell her sister that her father had passed away, too. Her sister told me that they had both felt rejected once since they had been surrendered for adoption, so I am sure she is terrified.

So, keep your fingers crossed for me and my daughter.

Advertisement

__________________
Motherhood is Forever
seahawk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2008, 06:54 AM   #2
Kristen82's Avatar
Kristen82
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 8,207
My Mood:
Re: I found my daughter!!

Good luck mama! I'm glad you found her and I hope you guys get to talk soon!
__________________
Kris to Jesse since 6/17/00
SAHM to Douglas (9/21/01) Rebekah(12/9/02) and Logan (4/17/07)


Kristen82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2008, 07:25 AM   #3
mom23girls's Avatar
mom23girls
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Somewhere in Georgia
Posts: 744
My Mood:
Re: I found my daughter!!

Congrats!!!
I just wanted to pass along a very very gentle piece of advice...

Please let yourself (and dd) stay in this moment and try not to focus on the past. Speaking from experience as an adoptee and an adoptive parent things are rarely as cut and dry as they often seem as they should be. I know its hard to not get caught up with the why's of these lies, etc but as an adoptive mama I can tell you that anyone that goes the process twice absolutely wanted to be a good parent - sometimes though it just doesn't work out that way (just like when a child isn't placed).

Again please no flames I'm not trying to start anything just provide another view to help you sort out your feelings?
__________________
Wife To: Tony, Mom to: Griff (13), Samantha (15), Virginia (11), Sydney(9) & Anna Grace (12 mos )
mom23girls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2008, 08:10 AM   #4
Only's Avatar
Only
Registered Users
Formerly: hu**rees
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 8,964
Re: I found my daughter!!

Congrats on finding your daughter! How exciting this must be for you.
__________________
"You think that true love is the only thing that can crush your heart;
that will take your life and light it up or destroy it.
Then, you become a mother."

Austen 06/12
Only is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2008, 08:14 AM   #5
ForCryingOutLoud's Avatar
ForCryingOutLoud
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home of the Pittsburgh Penguins!
Posts: 10,968
My Mood:
Re: I found my daughter!!

Good luck! I hope you talk to her soon!
__________________
Questions or Concerns please email me at teresa@fcoladvocacy.com
ForCryingOutLoud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2008, 08:27 AM   #6
sunshinek's Avatar
sunshinek
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 205
Re: I found my daughter!!

Congrats on finding your daughter. I'm sorry that you had such a negative experience but please don't think that is the norm in adoption. Hopefully you and your daughter will heal together.
__________________
DD Sasha (4.30.02) Russian adoption 10/8/05
DD Eliana (1.4.07) Domestic adoption 1/7/07
Furbabies Murray and Dudley
My Blog
sunshinek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2008, 06:00 PM   #7
seahawk's Avatar
seahawk
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 719
Re: I found my daughter!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom23girls View Post
Congrats!!!
I just wanted to pass along a very very gentle piece of advice...

Please let yourself (and dd) stay in this moment and try not to focus on the past. Speaking from experience as an adoptee and an adoptive parent things are rarely as cut and dry as they often seem as they should be. I know its hard to not get caught up with the why's of these lies, etc but as an adoptive mama I can tell you that anyone that goes the process twice absolutely wanted to be a good parent - sometimes though it just doesn't work out that way (just like when a child isn't placed).

Again please no flames I'm not trying to start anything just provide another view to help you sort out your feelings?
No problem mama. I am gonna focus on the here and now (if there ever is one).
I am sure they wanted to be good parents, it just makes me so sad that she didn't have such a great life. She just graduated hs last year, but has been living on her own for 2 years now. It makes dealing with losing her even harder, and I didn't think that was possible.

I also have a lot of trouble with the lies, even though she will never know that. That is what places like this are for. I was so devastated when they didn't keep up with the semi open arrangements like they were supposed to (and I find ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE FOR THAT), but I still (and now you are gonna know exactly how naive I am) didn't expect that the other things they told me would be lies. It is just so hurtful.

Anyway, I got to see a picture of her today, and it is just like looking at a younger picture of myself. I can't believe how much she looks like me.

She has my phone number now, so we will see if she calls. I can't imagine being 19 years old and being brave enough to make that phone call. At least I know she has her sister around for someone to talk to, although I get the impression they are not very open/communicative people. If I don't hear from her in a week or so, I am gonna give her sister my email. I think it would be much easier to contact someone that way. So, keep her in your thoughts. I am sure she is having a very stressful time right now.
__________________
Motherhood is Forever
seahawk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2008, 06:04 PM   #8
CrunchyMama0607's Avatar
CrunchyMama0607
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 15,725
My Mood:
Re: I found my daughter!!

I'm such a sap....that made me cry. I'm so happy for you mama and I really hope you get to see her soon Pls keep us posted.

ETA: So sorry they did you wrong That must've been heartbreaking for you.
__________________
Ash~Mama to 3

Last edited by CrunchyMama0607; 08-16-2008 at 06:05 PM.
CrunchyMama0607 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2008, 07:16 PM   #9
robertribeye's Avatar
robertribeye
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Idaho
Posts: 3,102
Re: I found my daughter!!

Isn't that every child's dream. To one day when they are older have thier parent want to meet them. Hugs to you..... Seems like if I were her I would welcome a loving mom. Hopefully she is brave and calls. I know she won't regret it. Prayers for you that she is willing to call and give you a chance. This made me tear up....good luck..
__________________
mom to some amazing kids. dd1-15yrs, dd2-11yrs, dd3-9yrs, and ds-5yrs.
robertribeye is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2008, 09:32 PM   #10
mom23girls's Avatar
mom23girls
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Somewhere in Georgia
Posts: 744
My Mood:
Re: I found my daughter!!

Thanks so much for the no flames. I have thought about you often today and hope that you two connect really soon.

Keep that door open mama you never know when it will happen!

Again thinking of you!
__________________
Wife To: Tony, Mom to: Griff (13), Samantha (15), Virginia (11), Sydney(9) & Anna Grace (12 mos )
mom23girls is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.