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Old 08-19-2008, 02:18 PM   #1
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Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

HEy you all!! I am thrilled to have a little bambino here with. It was quite a surprise. We are half way through our foster care classes but we knew this couple and so we considered a voluntary placement. Her name is Hailly but we are calling her by her first and middle names Hailly Reign. She is 2months old and tee tiny.

I have a few thoughts/concerns since this is my first time. The birth mom is young and has had two other children removed and she gave up her rights to both of them. She seems to be involved and want to work services this time. Her boyfriend is fairly violent and has thrown her through a window when she was pregnant. They have to have supervised visitation...I am hesitant to let him know where we live.

I would love to adopt a baby...esp a baby girl. And she would be wonderful. I am really struggling with the what ifs...what if they work services but don't really change and she will be in a pretty bad environment. My older kids have both asked if we can keep her "forever". I answer that we are able to love on her for now in hopes that her parents will get some stuff straight and she can go home to be with them.

Anywho...any wisdom or comfort would be great. I also have to add that going to sleepless nights all the sudden is a big change as well. Whew I am tired. We homeschool and I am having to take the week off to adjust.

Here is a pic of her...not the best b/c I too am figuring out how to take pics to share that aren't full face shots. The second one is a not so good pic of me but I wanted to show off the moby wrap I came up with real quick. There were drugs involved with her and she is kinda fussy...the baby wearing helps a lot.




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Old 08-19-2008, 02:38 PM   #2
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Re: Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

We are in a similar situation. We have had our foster daughter since she was 3 months old and she is now 8 months old. Her bio-mom flip flops with complying and not. I am so ready to just know if we get to keep her and the waiting is hard. In reality she will have at least a year maybe two to get her life together before they will terminate rights. We also just found out she is expecting again. Which means we will probably be raising another one of her children. I just try to take it one day at a time and love her with my whole heart. I want her time here to be as wonderful as it can so that she will at least have the best chance she can if she goes back to her bio-mom. Bio dad is not in the picture so we don't have to worry about that aspect but we were advised not to let bio-mom know where we live because of violence so I wouldn't give your info out if you don't feel comfortable.

PM me if you want to talk more.
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Old 08-19-2008, 02:45 PM   #3
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Re: Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

Where do you do visitation? She got kicked out of her apartment b/c they were selling drugs out of it. And they are living with a friend. We live in a small town and there aren't many places to hang. My dh is a pastor of a church so we could do visitation there probably.
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Old 08-19-2008, 04:50 PM   #4
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Re: Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

Her visits are supervised and the state picks her up and brings her home. You can check with your social worker to make arrangements. Otherwise, the church sounds like a good place.
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Old 08-20-2008, 02:11 PM   #5
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Re: Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

Good luck--she sounds like a precious little girl and is very lucky to have your family right now! I don't have any advice because I haven't "been there" but wanted to wish you the best anyway.
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Old 08-20-2008, 07:37 PM   #6
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Re: Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

wow you did a great job on that wrap! I'd love to have something like that for my 1-month old...

I haven't read all the responses but I would agree with not letting them know where you live if possible. What a sweet little girl!
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Old 08-26-2008, 12:38 PM   #7
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Re: Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

Congrats on the new foster baby, she's a doll. We are in a very similar situation. We have two foster daughters. The oldest 3.5 has been with us for 2.5 years,and the new baby(her full sister) was removed pretty much at birth. We are in the process of adopting FD#1, but parental rights have not been terminated yet for the baby. I think what ifs are just part of the challenge of Foster Parenting. You never really know what is going to happen. Just love the precious little girl now, and trust that God will do the best thing for her. I find myself daily praying that God do what is best for the children. If it is back with birth parents then so be it, if it is with us forever what a blessing.
As far as visits go, I wouldn't at this point do visits at your home. It can work out sometimes when the relationship is further along, and you know they will respect boundaries. We have always done our visits at the DHS (Department of Human Services) building where our worker is. They have rooms set aside there for visits. And the Social Worker should be available to do the visits if you do not want to. Sometimes they actually don't want to the foster parents to be apart of it, and sometimes they do. In either case the Social Worker should be the one to say how it should be done.
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Old 08-26-2008, 12:46 PM   #8
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Re: Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

Congrats on the addition and I love the wrap. I am a social worker and I know that your social worker should arrange the visits esp. if they are supervised. I would not let them know your address and I am leary of even letting it come as close as the church. The state is responsible for making the arrangements. I know you know the family and that can sometimes make if more difficult to keep boundaries, but I have too too many horror stories, so please protect your home. Good Luck!
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Old 08-26-2008, 07:45 PM   #9
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Re: Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

I admire your willingness to take on another child, not knowing the outcome. I have four adopted children, but have been too timid to consider fostering. Blessings to you!!!
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Old 08-30-2008, 01:30 PM   #10
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Re: Our first foster baby came to live with us Thursday

I just wanted to say that you are doing a wonderful thing! She is so precious! I have never fostered but, have been interested in it. I agree with PP that under no circumstance would I give the birth parents your address or even the church. I agree that visits should be coordinated through DCS.
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