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Old 08-22-2008, 03:06 PM   #1
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Daughter snubbed....

Okay, so my 6 year old got into the car after school asking me about Claire's birthday party... we never got an invitation to Claire's birthday party (which is tomorrow at a local indoor soccer place). Apparently, my DD's best friend, Ruthie, asked my DD if she was going tomorrow, so Alex, my DD, is asking me... but we know nothing about it. Then, Ruthie's mom calls and asks if we're going... so I tell her that we never got an invite, which was awkward... and she said that she only got theirs a couple of days ago.

The reality is, we likely didn't get an invite... and it's really hurting DD's feelings. She's really quite sad. She's said things like "I really thought Claire and I were friends..." and "I invited Claire to my party... I don't understand, Mom..."

My DH and I have both told her that sometimes ppl are limited in how many friends they can invite to a party... they can't always invite everyone... but it's not a statement about whether someone likes you or is your friend.

And we can say this until we are blue in the face... and we've told her that sometimes we weren't invited to things when we were her age and that it's okay to feel sad when you aren't invited to something that you know is happening...

I just feel really badly for her...

Any suggestions as to what else we can say to her?

Jacqui

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Old 08-22-2008, 03:43 PM   #2
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Re: Daughter snubbed....

Oh, I'm so sorry. ((hugs)) to both of you. I can't think of anything else to tell her, maybe try to do something fun together tomorrow to take her mind off it?
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Old 08-22-2008, 03:47 PM   #3
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Re: Daughter snubbed....

I'm so sorry...I wish I knew what you should tell her but my heart is breaking for her and I can't think of anything. My daughter is 6 (almost) as well. I think if it were her I would think of something special her and I could do together, even if it just means a movie and game night at home ((HUGS)) to you and your little girl
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Old 08-22-2008, 03:49 PM   #4
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Re: Daughter snubbed....

Oh mama that is really a tough situation to be in! I have been in similar situations with DD (who is 5). I unfortunatly don't have any suggestions though, just wanted to send you hugs!
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Old 08-22-2008, 04:16 PM   #5
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Re: Daughter snubbed....

You know there's a part of me that just wants to snub this child and her parents... we've been so very nice to them and this just seems so odd... but, I know that that's not the answer... I just want to teach my DD that this could be a learning experience... whenever she wants to exclude someone from something in the future, I'll ask her if she remembers what this day felt like...
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Old 08-22-2008, 04:35 PM   #6
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Re: Daughter snubbed....

That makes me so sad for her.
I don't know what more you can say to her, but I agree with others that maybe doing something extra special tomorrow would be a good idea.
i really don't know though
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Old 08-22-2008, 04:41 PM   #7
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Re: Daughter snubbed....

this is such a hard situation. At my DD#1's school they had a rule that birthday invitations could not be handed out at school unless the WHOLE class was invited. Realistically,there are times when the whole class can't be invited. Sometimes it can be as simple as the mom invited the kids according to moms she hangs out with as opposed to who her DD chose. They are so young at this age that they have not really established their BFFs. I agree with the prev post about finding something fun to do. I think as much as this is a hard thing to deal with it is a good time to help your dd to learn to deal with disappointments with grace. I would not focus much on it.. but if she mentions it again, just say, I know that makes you sad honey and give her a big hug. This is one of the hard part of being the mom of a "girl" because there is so much more girl drama to come. The better you teach her to cope, the more strength she has and confidence to not let things like this define her. Not sure if I made much sense.. but I hope she is able to have a good day that day

ETA: I have to admit I disagree with making the day EXTRA special. I think it teaches children a sense of entitlement. I am not saying NOT to do anything.. just nothing like too out of the ordinary. Trust me. the kids I have known of moms that make a big deal to their child about this end up feeling entitled to do things sometimes and get disappointed more often as well as losing friends over poutiness. (She is obviously too little to be included on that - I am just talking about not make it a precendence for all disappointments! It doesn't mean I would not want to clobber the mom of that little girl! lol
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Old 08-22-2008, 06:57 PM   #8
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Re: Daughter snubbed....

that's too bad..

If it were my child I'd probably take her somewhere tomorrow or do something special with her.. However... lol I do see a small problem with that plan. lol she might think that the next time someone decides to not invite her to something or she doesn't make the team or whatever other disapointments she might face that someone would be there to make her feel better with a extra special fun day just for her... Hopefully not.
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Old 08-22-2008, 09:59 PM   #9
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Re: Daughter snubbed....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guardandolaluna View Post
this is such a hard situation. At my DD#1's school they had a rule that birthday invitations could not be handed out at school unless the WHOLE class was invited. Realistically,there are times when the whole class can't be invited. Sometimes it can be as simple as the mom invited the kids according to moms she hangs out with as opposed to who her DD chose. They are so young at this age that they have not really established their BFFs. I agree with the prev post about finding something fun to do. I think as much as this is a hard thing to deal with it is a good time to help your dd to learn to deal with disappointments with grace. I would not focus much on it.. but if she mentions it again, just say, I know that makes you sad honey and give her a big hug. This is one of the hard part of being the mom of a "girl" because there is so much more girl drama to come. The better you teach her to cope, the more strength she has and confidence to not let things like this define her. Not sure if I made much sense.. but I hope she is able to have a good day that day

ETA: I have to admit I disagree with making the day EXTRA special. I think it teaches children a sense of entitlement. I am not saying NOT to do anything.. just nothing like too out of the ordinary. Trust me. the kids I have known of moms that make a big deal to their child about this end up feeling entitled to do things sometimes and get disappointed more often as well as losing friends over poutiness. (She is obviously too little to be included on that - I am just talking about not make it a precendence for all disappointments! It doesn't mean I would not want to clobber the mom of that little girl! lol

ALL of it!
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Old 08-23-2008, 08:09 AM   #10
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Re: Daughter snubbed....

Our DD's school has the same rule about invitations being sent to school... however, these were mailed to the homes... and then the birthday girl was just over excited, I guess, and asking people if they were coming... so, because she was talking about it, I guess my DD's BFF (Ruthie) then felt it was okay to go to my DD and ask if she was going...

Anyway, DH and I are on the same page about not making this day extra special, to be honest...

She had an extra special day with me on Tuesday. It was her sister's first day of school, but not hers, so we spent the whole day as a Mommy-Alex day and it was GREAT.

Honestly, we need her to understand that sometimes these things happen... and life goes on. We're all home today and we're going to spend the day together as a family... and that's about it.

But, you know there's a side of me that wants to walk up to the mother of the birthday girl after Mass tomorrow and be like "Hi! I just wanted to see if Claire had a fun time at her party yesterday! The kids were all talking about it on Friday so I wanted to be sure that Alex knew if they had fun so that she wouldn't feel excluded when they talked about it on Monday." and then smile sweetly and walk away.

I'll be honest... I just don't get how parents can't think this stuff through. Don't they realize that there are no secrets between 6/7 year old girls??? This is a VERY small school. There are 28 kids in their grade. They will be together until they are in 8th grade. Why start this sort of crap now? The party is at a place where they pay for the party... and there are no limits on how many can come (I know this b/c we had DD's party there 2 years ago).

This is just really crappy and I'm honestly seriously pissed off at the parents. They are divorced and lack social skills between the two of them. I'm not saying all divorced ppl lack social skills, but these two definitely do! They are just really into themselves and not entirely aware of ppl around them, and this is just another example.

UGH!!!
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