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Old 08-22-2008, 10:31 PM   #1
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Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

I pulled this off my blog. There are some of you I wanted to make laugh tonight.

Take a minute to read sweet mama. I hope it makes at least one of you smile tonight. Maybe even LAUGH!

Eruption Impending

If you seen me in public recently you may find it hard to believe, but there was once a time when I actual got ready to leave the house. I really did.

I would make sure I had on mascara, eye brow filler, and eye shadow at very least. If I was pulling out all the stops, say for work or a night out, I would make sure all the makeup bases were covered; mascara, liquid eye liner, foundation, blush, eye shadow, concealer, and my ever so needed eye brow filler. (I have eye brows as thick and wooly as an 80 yr old man, but fortunately for me they are a weird see through blond, invisible to the naked eye unless seen in direct light and up close.)

Next, my focus would shift from my make up to my clothes. I have never been a super trendy dresser, but my clothes were cute and neat. (I once was voted “Neatest Appearance” at one of my jobs. Hurrah, for the old Rachael!). I always coordinated all my colors including my underhoo’s. I was so anal about matching back then. Forget about sleeping in pjs that didn’t have colors that consisted of the same pallet. I would have tossed and turned all night!

Now to help you get a picture of the more recent look I am sporting I am going to need you to use your imagination.

You are at Wal-Mart when you see a woman approaching (or is it a man???) The first thing that catches your eye is that fact that her sweat pants are two inches too short. Not because they are carpis but because her ever expanding waist keeps shortening the length. Then while staring at her gawky pants you catch a glimpse of her socks and wonder why she is wearing black dress socks with white tennis shoes, light grey sweat pants and a pink shirt. Oh my, what happened to her shirt? It looked like a normal tee shirt at first, but as she comes closer you see a few bleach spots and something that looks like spaghetti sauce.

Marveling at this walking fashion don’t you try to avoid eye contact since you are feeling utter embarrassment for her. But you can’t help yourself. It’s like a car wreck. You know you shouldn’t look but you can’t help it. You rationalize it and tell yourself you had better look at her to see if she asks you for food, money or a place to stay. You glance at her face and realize that this wo(man?) must not own a mirror.

She is now very close. As she is passing you want to shriek ‘TAKE COVER!’ as you can’t help but see that massive throbbing zit looks like its going to explode like Mt. Vesuvius . You feel sure its going to be a reenactment of the horrors at Pompeii . You MUST warn people!

Frozen in terror you watch as the haggard hunched over wo(man?) shuffles passed you. From behind you see her matted, ratty hair that had obviously been slept on without seeing a brush in a while. You dare not say a word as ‘it’ plodded passed. No ‘hi’, no ‘good morning’ in fear she will retort by grabbing your shirt tightly and whispering with rancid breath ‘Help me. Please, help me.’

As quickly as it started it is over. It takes a moment to gather yourself and continue on through the store. You will never know the truth about that poor woman but wondering will haunt you forever.

And that in a nutshell is the mommy me doing my weekly grocery shopping. If you run into me and don’t say ‘Howdy’ I will understand.

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Old 08-22-2008, 10:35 PM   #2
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Re: Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

Love it! Sometimes I look so crazy (appearance & personality) I wonder if I'm being offensive lol.
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Old 08-22-2008, 10:36 PM   #3
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Re: Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry.
I'm not even sure if I even own socks anymore. I used to be kind of hot too.
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Old 08-22-2008, 10:38 PM   #4
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Re: Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

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Originally Posted by Jenney17 View Post
I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry.
I'm not even sure if I even own socks anymore. I used to be kind of hot too.

Ahhhh, mama... at least we were once hot. lol But will our kids ever believe us?!
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Old 08-22-2008, 10:38 PM   #5
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Re: Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

Do socks exist? I always wear sandals anymore since they are faster. lol
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Old 08-22-2008, 10:39 PM   #6
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Smile Re: Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

If they do as the country song goes and find "Pictures of mama, before she was mama in a bikini in tawain." Which by the way will now be stuck in my head for the night.
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Ahhhh, mama... at least we were once hot. lol But will our kids ever believe us?!
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Old 08-22-2008, 11:17 PM   #7
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Re: Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

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Old 08-22-2008, 11:22 PM   #8
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Re: Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

oh that made my night! i am like that all the time...its even worse during a deployment (no man to look at the legs and its the dead of winter...my legs were lucky to see a razor every couple months. ). i remember getting ready to see DH the night he came home and all i could think was "dang, getting hot is hard....this can't happen all the time."



and just last week, i straightened my hair for the first time in 7 months. yeah it was up in a pony tail for 7 months straight. can you say split ends?
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Old 08-22-2008, 11:24 PM   #9
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Re: Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

I don't know whether to laugh or too cry.....

It's like reading my life story
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Old 08-22-2008, 11:26 PM   #10
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Re: Mamas, can you relate or CAN YOU RELATE?

I used to be like barbie doll hot... now it's just a shame what I go out looking like and how I let my DH see me. I try to make a point to straighten myself out a little bit out of respect for DH. But is so hard to find time for me with 3 kids!
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