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Old 08-23-2008, 08:59 PM   #21
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

Sometimes when I read the responses here I feel as though many think a vast majority of teachers are terrible, toxic and horrible people who allow children to be mistreated under their supervision. I am a teacher and I know that there are a plethora of excellent and talented educators out there.
I am not against homeschooling, but I do think that educators work extremely hard to provide their students w/ a loving and caring environment and this is carelessly overlooked in some situations. In my experience, (teaching in some capacity for over 10 yrs. ) I have yet to meet a teacher who would allow such atrocities, as mentioned, to take place within their classrooms. Most give a tremendous amount of their time and energy ensuring their students meet the standards and proficiencies set forth by the district. Additionally, they are not just educators, they are nurses, counselors, friends, confidants, mentors, etc. to the multitude of children who pass through their classroom door. All the while, we are underpaid and often times not appreciated for all the hard work and time put into loving each and every one of our students. I for one WOULD NEVER allow another student to make another upset, cry, or feel unsafe in my classroom. It would not be acceptable nor tolerated.

As a mother, if this were happening to my son or daughter, I would speak to the teacher, parent and principal to rectify the situation while doing everything in my power to provide my child w/ the necessary skills to deal with jerk offs. I am probably alone on this issue and I am in no way saying it is acceptable, it is just my two cents on the topic.

Also, to the OP, have you talked to the girl's mother? Was that helpful? Could it be helpful? Would she be receptive to hearing the hard facts that her child is being unkind? I am not sure of your relationship with this person so I could be way off base here. Could you "shadow" your daughter one day? Again, not sure if this is an option.

Again, to each their own. I am not condemning the choice to home school, but there are a million things that are great about public/private schools and to make the assumption or comment that school is a horrible place for children is shortsighted and imo.

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Old 08-23-2008, 09:00 PM   #22
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

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Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
There is a reason children have parents.
They do not know what is best for them.

simply because they WANT to go to school doesn't mean it is good for them.
you sound like a great momma who knows what is best for her kids.

it.
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. It is a parent's influence that makes or breaks kids imo. .
Yes, but if they are in school the parent is not around to explain, guide, or influence.

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But only because you want to homeschool. I totally disagree with homeschooling b/c you don;t like a kid at the school, but if you have a desire in your heart to homeschool your children, nothing could be better!
I agree. i don't think most if any homeschool to shield a child from negative experiences so I'm sure the OP has other reasons as well.
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Old 08-23-2008, 09:08 PM   #23
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

I would homeschool them in a heartbeat! I know it is a scary step to make but it is a ton of fun! We are getting ready to begin 2nd grade with our DD and we are all very excited. I have many issues with sending my children to public school so therefore we homeschool. Even my sister, who is a public school teacher, recommends homeschooling over public schools.
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Old 08-23-2008, 09:32 PM   #24
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

I would contact the principle again and have a talk with him about what happen. I am sure it was not done intentionally, things get overlooked. But, if you had a bad experience with the Kindergarten teacher last year you should not have to deal with her again this year. Teachers are people too, each with their own quirks and it may just be a personality conflict. If there are five other kindergarten teachers at the school I would demand to have my daughter switched.
I had a first grade teacher who did not like or understand me at all and was ready to fail me. She told my parents I was "slow". My parents had to fight the school to change my teacher for half a year but they did end up changing me and I had a wonderful second half of first grade with a teacher who understood me. I did great in school from that point on but imagine if that teacher had failed me what that would have done to my self esteem. I dont know if I would have belived in myself enough to go and get my bachlors if I stayed with that teacher so yes SOME teachers can be toxic to SOME children.
You are your childs advocate and make as much noise as you have to to do what is right for your child.
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Old 08-23-2008, 09:35 PM   #25
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

i guess the reason i'm so torn is because the principal did tell me that they take requests for kids that are hurt by other kids very seriously as well as teachers that did not work well with a family. i did tell him that it was very important to me that my kids be happy in school because i so want them home with me instead. i don't care for public school at all. but they REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to go. and i don't want them to resent me either for making them stay home if they don't want to be there.

i never asked for a specific teacher, heck i don't know who any of them are except the bad kindy teacher we had last year. every mother i spoke with said how awful she was, and i that speaks volumes. she had several conferences in the beginning of the year with parents because she was yelling so much at the kids when our friend's daughter asked who my kindergartener had this year i told her the same teacher she said, " oh she yelled a lot." my kids are so sensative to that stuff too. so, it makes me sad for them to be in a class where they might be yelled at BY THEIR TEACHER!

as for this little girl. she is highly manipulative for a 6 yr old. they live 3 houses down from us. there are three familes down that end that all had kindergarteners last year too. so, in the spring we started hanging out with them. one of the other moms asked me if i noticed how manipulative this little girl was and how permissive the mom was of the behavior. all i knew was that she was making my daughter cry and not want to ride on the school bus. she would say things like " don't talk to me," "i don't want you talking to me." and my daughter didn't understand why. and she wouldn't let my daughter sit with the other kids from her bus stop. the little girl would say, " you can't sit with so and so, and you can't sit with so and so." of course i would tell her she could sit with whomever she wanted, but this little girl would continue to say those things to her. this was a 5 yr old at the time. if she was that bad at 5 i have no clue how'll she'll be this year. my daughter was a mess by the end of the year. begging me to drive her to and from school because of this little girl. i could give her a million pep talks or supportive hugs, it didn't change how this little girl felt.

but again, the principal seemed sincere when he said they take those request seriously. i told him this little girl made my daughter cry, not just one time in school over something silly. but many times, to and from school. and then we are forced to see her mon- fri multiple times per day. can't we just keep them out of the same class this year???? with 6 teachers it can't be that hard!

i have no clue how a conversation with the mother would go. we spend time together when the kids play, but we aren't "friends." she lets her girls get away with whatever they want. so, i doubt she'd even really care. her oldest is the one with the issue and according to her dad she runs the house. you should see her in action with the other kids, it's really bad. at least my girls will not let her whisper in their ears and then do her bidding for her. our neighbors daughter will and it makes her mom so sad it's really bad.

my Dh and i spoke of it tonight and he said i should make sure it's a fact, which i'm sure it is. and then talk to the school. the class assignments were made aug. 20th. since they weren't willing to help me to begin with i doubt they'd be willing to help now. i might be able to get my kindergartener switched, but i doubt i could do much else. i didn't really go into great detail about why we didn't want her again i just said that she didn't really work well for our family and i would like for my 2nd daughter to have a different kindergarten experience. so, maybe i need to be more direct?

i think we'll go to orientation on friday and then the next week we'll be on vacation so we won't have to worry about school right away. and then, as of right now, my plan is to try it out for sept. and if things don't work well we'll pull them out of school. i am also going to limit playing with this little girl so that my girls aren't around her mean streak more than they have to be. it will mean they'll lose out on the huge group play time, but we'll just set up more one on one playdates i think. it will be ok in that regard.

i know that schools can't accommodate everyone. i do get that, but i also know that i'm not going to crush my kids because a school doesn't care WHO gets hurt or WHO hurts them. i wrote several letters about the issues with the library people and no one ever got back to me. making a kindergartener cry and telling her she is lying, i just cannot believe no one cares about that. and parents having issues with a kindergarten teacher yelling at kids starting pretty much in the first month of school, and no one cares or gets involved. that doesn't seem right either.

in the end, i just want my kids happy. i think that's why i'm going to let them try school and if they are not happy i'm pulling them. being that young, there is no reason for them to be mistreated or bullied. my oldest daughter is the sweetest thing on the planet and she genuinely loves everyone and the other little girls in her class liked her a lot too ( except that one who just seems to have a really mean, manipulative streak in her).

thank you for all of the comments, suggestions, and 2 cents. i do appreciate it.
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Old 08-23-2008, 10:43 PM   #26
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

Good luck with the school mama!!
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Old 08-23-2008, 11:04 PM   #27
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

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Honestly, I'd just leave everything alone. They're going to have to learn to deal with people they may not like at some point. They'll have people in classes, work, etc that they dont' like in the future, including teachers and bosses. They have to learn to deal with these people. The earlier the better. I'd advise you to be as positive as possible, as you don't want your lo to go to school with a negative impression of her teacher. I know it's hard to see them deal with people like that, but stay strong
This is EXACTLY what i was going to say.
My DD had the mean teacher. The very next year DS had the SAME exact teacher. But for the reasons the PP stated, I left it all alone. Everything happens for a reason, its a learning experience.
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Old 08-24-2008, 09:50 AM   #28
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

my degree is in Ele. Ed too. and i taught before liv was born. not all teachers are terrible, you are right. its a case by case basis. in the district we live in there are 35 kindy next year in ONE class with NO aides. first graders are about 32 and second 28. if the school here thinks that is safe my children wont ever attend. Teachers are GREAT for some families, but IMO they are a secondary choice, not a primary choice.
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Old 08-24-2008, 10:02 AM   #29
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

Is there another place where you DD could play with her friend? Girl scouts, sports, gymnastics, FFA, something?
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Old 08-24-2008, 11:05 AM   #30
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Re: i don't know what to do :(

ITA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Javamama
. It is a parent's influence that makes or breaks kids imo. .

Yes, but if they are in school the parent is not around to explain, guide, or influence.


All you have to do is be there w/ your kids. plenty of parents volunteer, shadow, & help out in their children's schools.
it is possible if it works for the parent!
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