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Old 10-18-2006, 01:50 PM   #11
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

My first 2 are 13 months apart. It makes for a really busy couple of years. I SWEAR in many ways twins would have been easier. But by the time they are 3 and 4 and especially by 5 and 6 its SOOOOOO perfect. Mine are 7 and 8 and it ROCKS. They are very close, always have been.
My youngest has many issues, as you know. I'll be having a new baby this winter and it feels too soon. They'll be 2 years apart, but really Lochlan doesn't seem ready and *I* don't feel ready. I'm completely freaked about handling the hospital stays with Lochlan once we have a new baby.
Connor, my oldest has autism, so Skye's early years involved LOTS of appts and therapies for him, but it was good for BOTH of them as impossible as that seems.
I know this isn't helping. What I'm saying I guess is that I suspect it *will* be hard for a while so you need to decide if you are ready for 2-3 busy, chaotic years.
Its a span I reccomend to energetic, patient mamas. But balancing Celeste's needs really does change the dynamic.
Good luck making a choice

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Old 10-18-2006, 03:41 PM   #12
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

My mom had 4 of us in 3yrs (1st 2 are 2yrs apart & then she had twins when my sister was 14mos old!) Yeah, its rought but we are all so close now!

I cant give you ANY unbiased advice. I would LOVE to have a new baby right now & if it were me, I'd take that little girl right now (gosh I wish I was a foster parent in your county!)
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Old 10-18-2006, 04:13 PM   #13
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

My four dc range from 16-19 months apart, with the youngest almost two now. We didn't have any major issues with them being so close, and it is nice now that they can all walk and talk and play together. This past year was very hard though, as three of my dc had medical/school issues. I don't think we could have handled a newborn plus all of the doctors' visits and tests, and associated stress. However, it wasn't my kids' ages that caused the problem, just that we had so much going on at once.
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Old 10-18-2006, 04:28 PM   #14
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

Thank you to all of you for your thoughtful advise. I really appreciate hearing all of your family stories and dynamics.

Here are my thoughts...

I love children, I would love a big family. If I did not have Celeste, i would not think twice about taking a baby now. Heck, I would not think twice about twins or babies close in age. I know I could handle it, I know I would love it.

My dh is a bit more reserved here. He wants more children as well, but does not know specifically how many. He is of the opinion 'one baby at a time' he would prefer to wait a few years for our next one, but that being said he is not terribly opposed to it. We have decided that we are going to wait to discuss it until we get more information since there are so many variables to concider.

Here is the problem. This is the second call we have gotten for a newborn in as many months. So I know even if this particular little one doesnt work, its a question we will be faced with many more times, and soon as well. It breaks my heart to know so many tiny ones out there need forever families. I almost agree with the pp who said if it doesnt feel right, if we are not jumping for joy, it probably isnt right.

Our main worry is that of Celeste. She needs alot of care. But that is not going to change in one or two years if we wait. Her needs will be just the same if not more intense. Yes, how will we manage icu visits and er visits with two kids? Is it really more difficult that it would be with just our one? If we wait a year, that newborn baby will still be a newborn. So what is the right answer?

I see alot of benifits to both sides. On the one hand, if we wait I get to enjoy all the baby years with just Amira. But I come from a big family and I know how great siblings can be. Its almost more difficult that a pregnancy, because if your pregnant, well you are already there and you deal, kwim? You dont really have a choice. I almost wish I didnt here either.
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Old 10-18-2006, 04:30 PM   #15
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

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Originally Posted by 2Peas14mnsapart View Post
So is Celeste feeling better?? I was so worried and have been thinking and wondering how everything was going from your post about her being in the ICU. I had my DH read your posts and he was worried too.

Thanks for thinking of Celeste! She definatley relaxed alot when we got home. She is still not 100%, still a bit stressed out and very very tired. She is also still kinda twitchy and wheezy. But she is home, and stable, so for now thats good enough. She even smiled during her bath time this morning! I am hoping that with a few days of regular pulmanary treatment and lots of rest she will start to get back to her old self again.
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Old 10-18-2006, 06:44 PM   #16
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

My first 2 children are 13 months apart and honestly at the beginning it was hard. My oldest didn't walk until she was 18 months old so I was carrying around 2 for a bit. HOWEVER, I will say it wasn't unmanageable. They are sometimes best buddies now, but also, I need to be real creative in separating them as they do need their own space - often it is just too much that they are together all the time, in the same level activities, etc. But I'm not trying to discourage you, I wouldn't change it. You are in a unique situation and it could be a whole lot different. By the way, I'm in the far northwest suburbs of Chigago. We could be closer than we know!

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Old 10-18-2006, 10:17 PM   #17
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

mine are 12 months apart. i was nuts still am! i LOVE having them so close together, they are my little twins. people asked me if it is hard having them so close. yes and no. yes its hard going shopping and getting private time.... its not hard because of a built in playmate and everything that comes with it. my motto was that god wouldnt give me more than i could handle and i would think of that during the rough patches. hugs to you momma and i hope you are able to come to a good decision for your family.
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Old 10-18-2006, 10:32 PM   #18
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

my brother and I are very close in age and I LOVE IT!!!! He is my best friend in the whole world and I love him to bits and pieces!! He has always been there for me when we moved alot when we were little in those new elementary school days and made me feel better during those lost junior high school days and hung out all the time during the great high school days. We even went to college together after I graduated...I graduated after him! If you didn't know us, most people think we are twins and we laugh. I can finish his sentences before he says them and we laugh at jokes we don't even have to tell.....ANd the best part is my dh and him get along great too!! So he is always welcomed around here for as long as he wants to stay...But he moved to AZ for a job and I still live in WA. But he fly's up almost once a month to come visit and see his new nephew!! I would not trade having him so close for the world!! And just when I thought I was the onlyone who thought this way, his girlfriend tells me he says the same about me!! Built in Best Friends----gotta love siblings...My baby is about 9 months old and we have been tryin to get preg for 4 months now cuz I want mine close together too!! GO FOR IT!
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Old 10-19-2006, 03:57 PM   #19
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

That must be so hard. I am such a softie for a baby.

My oldest two are 18 months apart. It was H.A.R.D. So much of it depends on the children and how laid back or high needs they are. My oldest was the most laid back, easy going baby until his brother was born and that rocked his world. There were days that they both would cry for 8 hours straight and I couldn't get them to stop. Nothing I did worked. One day I had to call my husband home from work because it was so bad and I was so frazzled.

OTOH you could have two very laid back babies and it could go great. But it's so hard to tell. I do think that your first responsibility is to the children you already have. Two of my 4 kid have special needs and it is very intense to parent them a lot of the time. If your daughter has medical needs or behavioral issues or learning delays, she will need a lot from you.

The 11 month old is still very much a baby as well. And what if this new little baby has high needs?

It also sounds to me like your dh isn't ready yet. I think you need to respect that. I think women think more wih their hearts, which is great! And our dh's think more logically and I think it's good to balance both. He does want another child, just not right now. He makes some really good points. I think both need to be ready and 100% invested and the children you already have need to be ready as well. It's hard to make such an important decision in a couple of days, if you were to get pg, you would have 9 months (presumably) to adjust to the idea, and for the children you have now to be that much older. I think it would be wise to wait a while.

You might want to ask your case manager to wait until such and such a date to contact you again for a possible adoption.
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Old 10-19-2006, 05:10 PM   #20
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Re: question for mamas with kids very close in age

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Personally, from one foster mama to another, if you and your dh agreed to wait, I'd follow through with that and wait. I know it sounds corny, but there IS a home for that baby, and if you're not 100%, then it might not be yours, kwim?

I have to agree. If you have already agreed to wait and then go ahead and take the baby then that might cause problems later on in many ways.


Mine will be 3 yrs apart so Im not much help there but my bother and I are 13 months apart. And while that was 22 yrs ago my mom had a really rough time with it. Twice the amount of diapers, bottles, terrible 2 at the same time, potty training at the same time, both in cribs, one climbing out and into the other, school at the same time, and she swears that the closer in age the more fighting goes on.
And I think that I have to agree about the fighting. We still jump each others case about things.

I personally wouldnt want very close age kids. A few years inbetween is perfect.
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