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Old 08-27-2008, 08:38 AM   #1
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Unhappy I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

First of all, I'd just like to say that I really am not trying to rant--I really would like to know if anyone has gone through a similiar "bump" in their relationship with a birthmom and has any advice, etc. I've had a great relationship with the birthmom, Mia, for the past 3 weeks and we talk several times a week. Yesterday she was having an emotional day and seemed upset about a lot of things. She told me in the morning that she was upset because I hadn't called her the two days before, we talked about it, I apologized, and we went on. When she called again in the afternoon she sounded much happier and we made plans for me to pick her up and take her to her dr. appointment today, then go spend some time together. She called me later to say that she was offended by something I said in the earlier conversation, but I tried to explain that I didn't mean it the way she was taking it. I apologized, though, and was truly sorry that I had upset her. She hung up on me, but called me back a few minutes later to say that I shouldn't come to her appointment today. I respect her decision and need for some time/space, however, what is killing me is that she truly seems to think that I meant the comment in an offensive way. We have had a great relationship and I am so worried about how this could affect the entire adoption plan. I sent an "I'm sorry" e-card and talked to both the adoptive family specialist and birthmom specialist, who don't think I said anything wrong. They think she's just under a lot of stress and is overly emotional right now. Hopefully that's it and it will all blow over, but in the meantime here I sit not knowing what direction things might take from here on out. I'm trying to be really understanding of her situation and put my own feelings aside, which is difficult. Our relationship is a friendship, but then again it's so different from any other friendship I've ever had. Thanks for listening--I guess I just needed some support--it's a disappointing and difficult day because I had planned to spend the day with her and go to the dr. appointment, tour the labor & delivery at the hospital with her, etc. but now am trying to not get emotional about the fact that I didn't get to do that and trying not to worry too much.

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Old 08-27-2008, 11:36 AM   #2
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Re: I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

Sorry I don't have any advice but I wanted to send a
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Old 08-27-2008, 02:15 PM   #3
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Re: I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

Being 33 wk pregant myself I can say your emotions got way wacky. Not only is she pregant but is facing the reality of giving up the baby she is carring. I go off on my DH for no real reason for little silly stuff. Keep in touch she may have a way different view tomorrow
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Old 08-27-2008, 03:58 PM   #4
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Re: I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

ss mama I have not adopted but my first cousin just adopted an infant boy 1 month ago from birth. They were at the hospital and delivery. BUT towards the end part of the birth-moms pregnancy, she became upset, emotional and sometimes she would shut my cousin and his wife out by lashing out a bit on an emotional rollercoaster if you will...KWIM? They understood knew her feelings and that this was a very hard thing to do, giving your child away and every day every step is hard. Maybe give the mom a few days to let her emotions catch up with her in dealing with the reality giving you this precious blessing, her baby, as it gets closer to due date. Sometimes people get upset most to the ones that they trust and are closest to. In a way you are there for her even when her emotions run high... she can trust that, she can say what she needs to say to you and come to you if she feels something upset her etc... and that is a good thing~KWIM....

blessings to you and your family all will be fine
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Old 08-27-2008, 04:05 PM   #5
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Re: I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

mama!Sounds like you're on quite a stressful ride right now!
I think if you've apologized for whatever she took offense to,then that's all you can do.Give her the space she's asked for right now,and when you see her or speak to her next,maybe reiterate that you weren't intending the comment to offend her.
Good Luck mama-it sounds like you have a respectful relationship with this person and I hope she sees that too.
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Old 08-27-2008, 04:56 PM   #6
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Re: I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

Shew--sounds like everything is okay again. Thanks for the comments & support. The sw called me this evening to say that she had talked to the birthmom and she is just embarassed that she over-reacted, etc. So I called and asked if she wanted to talk, asked how her appt. went today, etc. and she apologized for over-reacting. I told her I can move past it if she can...she said she can so I guess we're good. I think that it was the fact that she's 34 weeks pregnant, emotional, hormonal, dealing with the adoption, and lashing out at someone close to her (me) just like you've all said. Now that I have it in perspective, hopefully I'll be able to keep it there and just be supportive and "here" when she needs me during the next 6 weeks. I feel so relieved (and exhausted) now--my mind was racing a million miles a minute last night and today just not knowing what might happen, etc. Thanks again!
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Old 08-27-2008, 05:31 PM   #7
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Re: I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

Glad it is smoothed out
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Old 08-28-2008, 07:17 AM   #8
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Re: I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

Oh I'm so glad everything worked out! Hang in there!
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Old 08-28-2008, 01:02 PM   #9
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Re: I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

Sounds like things are better now mama! I'm sorry you had a rough day and missed some important things though
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Old 08-31-2008, 05:51 PM   #10
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Re: I messed up...anyone else deal with this?

sometimes emotional preggo mamas lash out at those closest and almost test to see if you will stick around. You got an A plus mama! Good luck with the end of the pregnancy and all the adoption fun!
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