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Old 08-29-2008, 08:12 AM   #11
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Re: I need some support!

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Doesn't social services advocate for the child and try to do what is best for their interests? What about the child here? Going to a blood relative - a 2nd cousin - is that what is best for the child?

This is very rarely the case. The bio parents' rights are superior to the child's. It is VERY sad. We have experienced this first-hand and so have many other foster parents.

My advice is to pray and to continue to love this child. We have had our fd for almost 2 years and fs for a year- we are still on the fence as to what will happen- a family member has come forward after all this time. It's hard to deal with the uncertainties of the system.

Hugs to you!

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Old 08-29-2008, 08:30 AM   #12
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Re: I need some support!

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Originally Posted by mom55 View Post
Doesn't social services advocate for the child and try to do what is best for their interests? What about the child here? Going to a blood relative - a 2nd cousin - is that what is best for the child?

This is very rarely the case. The bio parents' rights are superior to the child's. It is VERY sad. We have experienced this first-hand and so have many other foster parents.

My advice is to pray and to continue to love this child. We have had our fd for almost 2 years and fs for a year- we are still on the fence as to what will happen- a family member has come forward after all this time. It's hard to deal with the uncertainties of the system.

Hugs to you!
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Old 08-29-2008, 09:21 AM   #13
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Re: I need some support!

If she relinquishes voluntarily her rights wouldn't she be able to have some say in the situation? I'm not a foster parent nor have I been in the system, but, until a child has their biological parent's rights terminated by either the court or themselves aren't they still 'legally' the parent? Social Services might be handling the case but, if she is relinquishing voluntarily wouldn't her voice be heard?

I'm anxious to hear the answer to this one.
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Old 08-29-2008, 11:13 AM   #14
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Re: I need some support!

No, the bio-mom's choice would not be heard even with a voluntary relinquishment. Difference is, if she voluntarily relinquishes she gets to try again. In most states, after a certain number of involuntary relinquishments, the state will automatically take custody and terminate parental rights.

What does come into play is who has priority. Unless the child has been in the foster home for a certain amount of time, biological relatives have priority for placement. Its *supposed* to be that if the child has been in the fosterhome for a certain amount of time, then the fosterparents have priority and get to decide whether they are adopting or not. However that is not always the case. A friend has had her fosterdaughter for over a year and an aunt came on the scene last month stating she wanted to adopt 2 of the 4 siblings that were in care. She picked which 2 she wanted and my friend happened to be mothering one of the 'cute' ones the aunt choose. She just got word this week that the aunt's claim was upheld as higher and she is now losing her daughter.

I'm not convinced a biological relative is a better choice than a fosterhome where a child is well bonded. But, as far as I know all states uphold that an acceptable biological family member is always better than being adopted out of the system, even by loving, stable and bonded fosterparents.
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Old 08-29-2008, 11:22 AM   #15
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Re: I need some support!

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No, the bio-mom's choice would not be heard even with a voluntary relinquishment. Difference is, if she voluntarily relinquishes she gets to try again. In most states, after a certain number of involuntary relinquishments, the state will automatically take custody and terminate parental rights.

What does come into play is who has priority. Unless the child has been in the foster home for a certain amount of time, biological relatives have priority for placement. Its *supposed* to be that if the child has been in the fosterhome for a certain amount of time, then the fosterparents have priority and get to decide whether they are adopting or not. However that is not always the case. A friend has had her fosterdaughter for over a year and an aunt came on the scene last month stating she wanted to adopt 2 of the 4 siblings that were in care. She picked which 2 she wanted and my friend happened to be mothering one of the 'cute' ones the aunt choose. She just got word this week that the aunt's claim was upheld as higher and she is now losing her daughter.

I'm not convinced a biological relative is a better choice than a fosterhome where a child is well bonded. But, as far as I know all states uphold that an acceptable biological family member is always better than being adopted out of the system, even by loving, stable and bonded fosterparents.
I figured that was likely the case and it sucks! I am trying not to get ahead of myself here, but I am also trying to prepare for the worst case scenario...
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Old 08-29-2008, 12:56 PM   #16
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Re: I need some support!

We went through this same thing with our very first foster daughter to date it is the hardest thing I have gone through. I don't want to bore everyone with the whole story here but please feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
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Old 08-29-2008, 02:54 PM   #17
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Re: I need some support!

Our daughter's biological father relinquished her specifically to us and only us. Perhaps it is different in different states?
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Old 08-29-2008, 04:04 PM   #18
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So I just got off the phone with the SW. She said that they are doing a homestudy on the family and if they pass then they would be a placement option for her. Then it goes to a review board and her state appt. guardian will get to make a statement as well as some other people(maybe us??). She said she has heard it can go either way. I think we have a better chance because the family is out of state...but here is the kicker. It will be MONTHS and MONTHS until we find anything out!
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Old 08-29-2008, 04:11 PM   #19
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Re: I need some support!

I can't imagine... actually I was imaging what I would do if family suddenly came forward for my two FDs. Unfortunately all you can do is wait, and pray if you are a praying person.
I really hope things turn out good for you and this precious little one.
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Old 08-29-2008, 04:18 PM   #20
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I am definitely praying! I totally bawled on the phone with the SW. I am sure she thinks I am a nut. I just can't imagine how hard it will be for DFD to go to someone she doesn't even know!
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