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Old 09-19-2008, 11:48 PM   #11
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Re: Fosterparents. How do you cope with having to let the placed kids go again?

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Some are harder to let go than others. Some steal your heart immediately and others take longer.
You do what you are supposed to do, then close the door, do a ton of laundry to get rid of the smell of the child/baby and shed a lot of tears while sniffing blankets and wait for the next phone call.
Thats what seems to happen in my house anyway.
And eat a couple gallons of ice cream.

God has given all our kids to us on loan and we never know when He will call any of them home so we love them all while they are with us. With this in mind I have learned to be more purposeful in my love for my permanent children and to not fear the loss of my temporary little ones, instead I love them all while I have the opportunity.

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Old 09-20-2008, 07:34 PM   #12
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Re: Fosterparents. How do you cope with having to let the placed kids go again?

I have to admit I didn't cope very will with our first, which is also the only one we've had to let go so far.

We didn't get into this to adopt but when they called us a month after getting licensed with a 2 day old baby girl and asked us if we would be willing to adopt her we had to say yes. All the workers congratulated us on our new baby and it seemed like we bonded with her instantly. We did not guard ourselves one bit because we didn't think we needed to, we just loved her as if she was our own.

She ended up leaving us when she was 9 months old to move out of state with relatives she had only briefly met once. A few months before she left I became depressed, I just didn't know how to handle it and I had no one to talk to except for my husband who was going through the same things I was. We were all devastated. I didn't think I could go on and I definitely knew I could never foster again. But thereís something that I think the people that are willing to foster possess that others donít, I don't know if we are all insane or if itís just that we have too much compassion but we have the ability to put these children and their needs before ourselves and our feelings.

So here we are, fostering again. We just couldn't say no to children in need. And I have to admit that even though we got our son only 2 months after letting her go we didnít hold back with him either, we loved him just like he was our own too, we just donít have the ability not to. Knowing everything I know and going through all that I went through I would do it all over again in a heart beat! Just knowing that we changed her life and that we gave her the very best start a baby can have is worth the heartbreak I felt and every tear that I have/will shed.

Good luck to you along your journey!
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Old 09-21-2008, 07:51 AM   #13
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Re: Fosterparents. How do you cope with having to let the placed kids go again?

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Originally Posted by lotsuvlittles View Post
And eat a couple gallons of ice cream.

God has given all our kids to us on loan and we never know when He will call any of them home so we love them all while they are with us. With this in mind I have learned to be more purposeful in my love for my permanent children and to not fear the loss of my temporary little ones, instead I love them all while I have the opportunity.
GREAT quote. I'm saving that one.
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Old 09-21-2008, 07:54 AM   #14
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Re: Fosterparents. How do you cope with having to let the placed kids go again?

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So here we are, fostering again. We just couldn't say no to children in need. And I have to admit that even though we got our son only 2 months after letting her go we didnít hold back with him either, we loved him just like he was our own too, we just donít have the ability not to. Knowing everything I know and going through all that I went through I would do it all over again in a heart beat! Just knowing that we changed her life and that we gave her the very best start a baby can have is worth the heartbreak I felt and every tear that I have/will shed.
A very seasoned foster mom that I talk to a lot about this sort of thing told me recently that she gets really annoyed when people say they couldn't foster because they would get too attached, insinuating, even if not consciously, of course, that she does not get too attached. Attachment is EXACTLY what these kids need!!! Anyway, your point about loving them anyway plus the comment before yours about loving them and realizing that they are never ours to begin with (Khalil Gibran's "On Children" comes to mind; I have posted it below) are ways to love them and attach to them without thinking life will end if they move on.

On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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