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Old 09-12-2008, 10:58 AM   #1
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Am I being selfish or is this normal?

SO, since I was a little girl, I have been exposed to adoption. I have friends who are adopted and family members who have adopted, I have a BIL who gave up a child for adoption in his teens. Its something I have always had a heart for and I would love to pursue someday. DH and I have three wonderful boys 5,3, and 8 months and I still feel the achy yearning for a daughter. Not a little baby, but a daughter. I feel like I am missing something and I know DH does too. He is unsure of this is appropriate and I think its fine. I am interested mostly in county adoptions through child welfare and more interested in toddlers. Not opposed to babies, just dont feel I need the infancy to bond with a child. Sorry this is running on, very confused. Anyone feel this or have a suggestion??

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Old 09-12-2008, 11:50 AM   #2
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Re: Am I being selfish or is this normal?

i say go for it and adopt a little girl. im not sure i see what the problem is. if you are financially stable to raise 4 children and you both want a girl and a fourth child and are prepared for all the things that come with adoption, i.e the questions and fear of if the child thinks you love your bio kids better, etc.. go for it.
there isnt anything wrong with your desire for a daughter, nor do you love your sons any less for wanting a girl.
its great that you also want to rescue a child from being without a family and it is even better that you want an older child, because the older they get, the more difficult it is to adopt out, people generally want babies.

hope my ramblings help. ask me if you have more questions, id be happy to help.
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Old 09-12-2008, 02:27 PM   #3
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Re: Am I being selfish or is this normal?

I don't see how it can ever be selfish to open your heart to a child. My reasons for adopting the first time around were not noble in anyway, I wanted a baby - so in that respect, I guess you could call it selfish. But the truth is you have to be selfless in dealing with kids who have lost their first families.
I think it is great that your desire for a daughter has lead you to adoption, and you have the guts to go for it, because it isn't always flowers and sunshine.
My best advice is to call your county and any other agencies who work in your area, go to the orientation class and see if this is the right path for you. If so, dive in! I promise there will be hard days, but you'll never regret it.
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Old 09-12-2008, 03:15 PM   #4
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Re: Am I being selfish or is this normal?

If adoption is in your heart - go for it!!!! It sure is not a selfish endeavor when you give a home to a child. There are many children in the system who need the love and constancy of a forever home. Good luck!!!
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Old 09-12-2008, 04:49 PM   #5
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Thanks for the help. I think I am going to start looking around to see whats out there waiting. I can only imagine the bucket of worms I will probably uncover but I get so excited when I think of it!
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Old 09-12-2008, 05:31 PM   #6
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Re: Am I being selfish or is this normal?

I hope you are not selfish because that would mean I'm selfish too! DH & I have 4 beautiful LO's and we still have the yearning to adopt. DH's sister is adopted, so it is in his family. It is just something we really want to do. And to make us even more selfish, we want an infant. I love the newborn stage and would be so sad to give it up.
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Old 09-12-2008, 06:40 PM   #7
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Re: Am I being selfish or is this normal?

We have 2 bio boys and wanted a daughter. We explored many possibilities but ultimately adopted a baby from China. Our main reason for adopting could be seen as selfish or even noble, but we have a daughter + this little girl has a forever family. It's a win-win situation! We know in our hearts it's the right thing.
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Old 09-12-2008, 07:54 PM   #8
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Re: Am I being selfish or is this normal?

You are not selfish in any way!! we have 8 children 4 adopted ( numbers 1.4,7and 8) our toher 4 are bio. We never set out to adopt it all just happened. I would not trade any of them for the world , my motto is
" god only gives you the children who are ment to be yours" I believe this with all of my heart and soul! good luck sounds like your little girl is out there waiting for you!
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Old 09-13-2008, 10:49 PM   #9
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Re: Am I being selfish or is this normal?

IMO, it's far better to adopt a little girl (even a baby) than to "try" for a girl. If you want a girl, there are many girls who are living and about to be born who need families.
Go for it!
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Old 09-14-2008, 05:27 AM   #10
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Re: Am I being selfish or is this normal?

My parents wanted a girl and requested one. They got me! They had a boy - a bio child. Granted, this was adoption a long time ago (1969) and things have changed in the world of adoption. They only waited 7 months or so for me. But do I think it's selfish...no way, no how.

Good luck!
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