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Old 09-14-2008, 02:08 PM   #1
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Red face inside scoop on a birthmommy

hi, i'm Sill and i'm a birthmommy to a wonderful 4 (almost 5) yo wonderful little boy named Tyler. i just wanted to post and let everyone know that if they had any questions for a birthmom and her point of view, i'm so willing to share my experience/knowledge that i have on this end of it. i think adoption is a wonderful thing, and i just want to say, THANK YOU to every one of you who have adopted or fostered a child!!! YOU ROCK!!!

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Old 09-14-2008, 02:16 PM   #2
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That is awesome that you would do that! I have no experience in adoption but, i just think its sweet!
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Old 09-14-2008, 02:56 PM   #3
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Wow, I really respect you and teasure your choice. We are in the middle of the adoption process ( we have gone through it for 1 year now) and about 8 bmoms have looked at our profile and chosen other families. I know they all had great reasons, but the wait sure is getting hard. I have to have faith our time will come. Megg

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Old 09-14-2008, 03:13 PM   #4
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How gracious! Your point of view could be invaluable. You are generous to offer your help.
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Old 09-14-2008, 03:52 PM   #5
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Re: inside scoop on a birthmommy

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Originally Posted by stacey View Post
That is awesome that you would do that! I have no experience in adoption but, i just think its sweet!
Thank you
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Originally Posted by MegganBB View Post
Wow, I really respect you and teasure your choice. We are in the middle of the adoption process ( we have gone through it for 1 year now) and about 8 bmoms have looked at our profile and chosen other families. I know they all had great reasons, but the wait sure is getting hard. I have to have faith our time will come. Megg
that must be so frustrating! That's how it was for Tyler's mom and dad, but the reason was bc Tyler was meant to be theirs! i'm confident that there will be a baby out there for you!! keep your head up hunny!
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How gracious! Your point of view could be invaluable. You are generous to offer your help.
thank you
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Old 09-14-2008, 11:45 PM   #6
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Well since you are volunteering I have loads of questions . First off dh and I will be starting to adoption process next year (spring hopefully!) and I will be 22 and dh will be 29. I am just wondering if that would deter a birthmom. I know I am young but my whole life people have always told me I was far more mature than my age led people to believe. I have a 15 month old and I know I was meant to be a mom. I am just concerned that a birthmom will see that I am only 22 or 23 and think I am to young to be a good mother? Also did the way your bio sons adoptive parents look have anything to do with your choosing them? I should clarify. Dh and I are coucasion (I am sooo white-never tan type of thing) but we are open to any race. I don't know your race but if you are african american would you/did you adopt your bioson to white parents? Or vice versa? I really don't want to offend anyone here bringing this up but I have been wanting to ask someone for quite a while. I have more questions but I have to head to bed and I don't want to scare off our question answerer . Thanks so much for offering to help us out by answering some questions. I think bio parents who are brave enough and care enough to try to do what is best for their child future are amazing and I really appreciate their sacrifice. Thank you.
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Old 09-15-2008, 09:22 AM   #7
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Well since you are volunteering I have loads of questions . First off dh and I will be starting to adoption process next year (spring hopefully!) and I will be 22 and dh will be 29. I am just wondering if that would deter a birthmom. I know I am young but my whole life people have always told me I was far more mature than my age led people to believe. I have a 15 month old and I know I was meant to be a mom. I am just concerned that a birthmom will see that I am only 22 or 23 and think I am to young to be a good mother? Also did the way your bio sons adoptive parents look have anything to do with your choosing them? I should clarify. Dh and I are coucasion (I am sooo white-never tan type of thing) but we are open to any race. I don't know your race but if you are african american would you/did you adopt your bioson to white parents? Or vice versa? I really don't want to offend anyone here bringing this up but I have been wanting to ask someone for quite a while. I have more questions but I have to head to bed and I don't want to scare off our question answerer . Thanks so much for offering to help us out by answering some questions. I think bio parents who are brave enough and care enough to try to do what is best for their child future are amazing and I really appreciate their sacrifice. Thank you.
Hi! i would love to answer all of your questions no matter how silly they may seem. ok: i would say, for me, i wanted a younger couple bc i was young and i love having kids young (tyler was not my oldest). i dunno i just wanted someone who wasn't going to be in a nursing home when my child was in middle school, kwim? so IMO being young shouldn't deter them away from you. (i hope not, at least!)
and i am white, and yes, i would have chosen any race. i wanted a healthy home for my son, regardless on race. (no that question did not offend me!) it just so happend that the parents i chose were white as well. but it would not have made a difference. i really wanted him to go to a couple who could not have children. when i read their profile, i cried. she had an emergency hysterectomy at 16 (due to 2 uteruses) and they always wanted children. that broke my heart for them. they just touched me so much and that's why i chose them. they were the first and only profile i looked at. and not saying that pple who already have children and can have children shouldn't be able to adopt, but at the time i really wanted to give a priceless gift to someone who couldn't have babies like i can. we have an open adoption, i've been to his home and i talk to them all the time. i just love his family so much. i hope that helped you out a bit! ask away! i love sharing my story bc it was such a miracle!
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:59 AM   #8
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Re: inside scoop on a birthmommy

Sill,
First of all, thank you so much for bring the perspective of a birthmom to this board! It is so important for us to hear from you. Some of the best lessons about adoptions have been from conversations I've had with birthmothers.

We are currently in an open adoption with our daughter's mom. I love her to death, but there are some struggles with her truly releasing her daughter to us in her heart. (on paper it's final) I want to help her as much as I can, but feel at a loss. She initiated a break from visits when DD was 6 months and said she wanted to wait to see her until her first birthday.

During this break, I've received several texts and phone calls asking about Shiloh, I've sent her pictures at her request. Now, she wants to plan her first birthday party. I am totally OK with this. First birthdays are fun for a few pictures, but I've never been a big party girl for this one simply because the kids don't remember it. My family always had a huge 2nd or 3rd birthday party.

ANYWAY, I guess I'm wondering if this is wise from your perspective? Or will it make it harder for her to continue the process of releasing her child into our arms? Sorry that was a long winded question...just wanted to give you some background. Thanks again for sharing!
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Old 09-15-2008, 05:17 PM   #9
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wow, that's a tough one... IMHO, i would NEVER ask to plan the first bday party for Tyler. i think that is something that the mom's and dad's do. i can understand that she stepped away for almost 6 mos and that was probably a wise decision. but it DOES sound like she is having a hard time accepting that she is the BIRTHmother and you are the MOMMY. that doesn't mean that we (her and i) have to love the babies ANY less, it just means that we have to look at it like they are YOUR babies now. kwim? i kinda went thru that when tyler was 1. i was going thru rehab for drugs, and i just lost it. i went thru a bad time wondering if i did the wrong thing, missing him etc. i learned that i had to go thru the grief process. once i did that, i was able to "let go" and now i have a wonderful relationship with them. i haven't see him, as he lives in chicago and i live in ga, but we talk all the time and he knows who i am etc. he knows he has a brother and 2 sisters. but if this was my situation, and it bothered amanda like it bothers you, i would want her to bring it up to me. bc i wouldn't want her to feel that way and i wouldn't want to impose on their family. maybe you could ask her if she is having second thoughts (not like she could get her back, but along the lines of regretting it etc) that's your call and your dh's call to make, but i would def want amanda to talk to me about her feelings. she has told me previously that she felt like i was his mom and she wasn't. but i reassured her that that is not the case. that SHE is his mommy now. and that i'm grateful to her and love her very much. did that help at all? if not, you can ask me again what i didn't answer for you! i hope things work out, hunny bc YOU are Shiloh's mommy now.
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Old 09-15-2008, 05:31 PM   #10
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Re: inside scoop on a birthmommy

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Originally Posted by Reuben Christopher View Post
Well since you are volunteering I have loads of questions . First off dh and I will be starting to adoption process next year (spring hopefully!) and I will be 22 and dh will be 29. I am just wondering if that would deter a birthmom. I know I am young but my whole life people have always told me I was far more mature than my age led people to believe. I have a 15 month old and I know I was meant to be a mom. I am just concerned that a birthmom will see that I am only 22 or 23 and think I am to young to be a good mother? Also did the way your bio sons adoptive parents look have anything to do with your choosing them? I should clarify. Dh and I are coucasion (I am sooo white-never tan type of thing) but we are open to any race. I don't know your race but if you are african american would you/did you adopt your bioson to white parents? Or vice versa? I really don't want to offend anyone here bringing this up but I have been wanting to ask someone for quite a while. I have more questions but I have to head to bed and I don't want to scare off our question answerer . Thanks so much for offering to help us out by answering some questions. I think bio parents who are brave enough and care enough to try to do what is best for their child future are amazing and I really appreciate their sacrifice. Thank you.
I just wanted to let you know that although you probably feel mature enough to adopt, I think it will be hard for you. All of the agencies I have looked at so far have required that adoptive parents be 25 in order to be entered into their program. I am only 26 and have wanted a child for many years, so I don't agree with this policy, but it is what it is and I just wanted to let you know.
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