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Old 09-17-2008, 12:45 PM   #1
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Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

My oldest son is by far the skinniest, shortest kid in his kindergarten class. He is academically above average (not the highest - that goes to a few girls - not surprising LOL) and socially below average (also not surprising). He socially functions like a four year old. He gets along better with four year olds.

I know it's very early on but paying for this private school is killing me. There is no price difference, however, paying for half day kindergarten or paying for child care two days a week. Next year I would be paying for full day 1st grade, full day kindergarten or he will be going to the public half day program (the best option financially).

It's so hard seeing him so short and small for his age. I will probably try to get him in to the magnet math and engineering program or the school for the arts - kindergarten. They would be focusing on academics but also on either math or art, depending on where he goes. I was the shortest, skinniest kid in school as well and socially immature and should have been held back. I was the youngest in class as well. My oldest son is the youngest in class. He only made the cut off by two weeks.

I just hope he grows before the end of school. I hope that he matures socially. I don't want to have to make the difficult decision. The research does show that holding that back doesn't really help them. The kids that are low will either catch up by the 3rd - 4th grade or they need additional help in special ed or intervention. I do know of a few cases where kids were held back due to their maturity level and age, and it worked out well. Also around the 4th grade, kids move from concrete reasoning to abstract. Holding my oldest son back would give him an extra year to develop that.

I am such a freak. I need to stop thinking about this now. It's just that boys are usually behind girls by one year. So, if you look at that and look at the fact that my oldest is already chronically in age behind a year compared to the other kids, he is really behind the girls by two years - make sense?\

I just wish he was taller and had more weight. He is ONLY 32 pounds. That is it. My youngest is 14 months and is most likely around 23 - 24 pounds; he is also so TALL. When I lift them both up, they actually feel the same weight.

It kills me. I need to get my oldest into the new doctor's for more tests. He doesn't grow. I don't think he has gained weight this year. His previous doctor sucked. I wouldn't be surprised if my oldest was in the 3rd % for weight now, which is dangerously low.

It is probably freakin' genetics. I am small, too. SUCKS. It is easier to be a girl and small than a boy. I feel so bad for my lil' man.

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Old 09-17-2008, 01:24 PM   #2
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Re: Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

First of all hugs!!

Has he always been small?? If so that may just be his body type or fate in life. My son is in the 3rd percentile. Has been since he hit the charts after being a preemie. No amount of food will change that fact and he is perfectly happy and healthy...just small. I would only worry if he dropped of from a higher percentile into a lower one KWIM (BTW...took me 2 years to get to the point where I don't worry that he is almost 6yrs old and only 34lbs).

I would be more concerned about being immature.

IMO I would wait and see what the year brings. As long as he is happy I would leave him be with the understanding that if he needs to repeat kindy than he repeats kindy. That was how I went into last year with my twins (only met the deadline because they were preemies). If he is unhappy I would pull him and put him somewhere where he is happy and give him time to mature. I know its not easy to look at things like this but so is the fate of a parent.

Good Luck and if you want to talk to another mom of a runt pm me!
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Old 09-17-2008, 02:41 PM   #3
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Re: Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

My son is one of the oldest in his kindergarten class and he is the skinniest and shortest. Even the girls are taller than he is.
My youngest son is the size of an average 18 month old and he will be 3 on Friday. I've been through the tests and there is nothing *wrong*(totally the wrong word) with either one of them. It's just genetics and they will have to live with it. Since you said you were/are small, try to teach him the proper way to react to the short/small jokes. He's going to be teased and it isn't necessarily going to be because of his size. The reason bullies pick a person to tease all of the time is because of the way the teasee (is that a word? LOL!) reacts. Just teach him to brush it off or laugh it off and he'll be fine.

I'd wait out the year. How old is he? Chances are he's not the only immature one in the class. Believe me!! good luck and try not to stress out about it. It's hard, I know. I cringe everytime those HUGE 4th graders run by my tiny son. He doesn't even flinch, though.
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Old 09-17-2008, 09:33 PM   #4
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Re: Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

Just a quick note...My daughter is 7 1/2 and about 43 pounds. She literally fell OFF the growth charts at about 2-3 years old. The doctors freaked out, but her dad is only 5' 6" and about 140 pounds and ALL muscle. She is built the same way. DH ran track in high school, speed ice skated, did competition roller skating, amongst many, many other things.

Being a "smallish" boy is not a horrible thing. It doesn't seem to bother him one bit!
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Old 09-17-2008, 10:00 PM   #5
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Re: Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

Thank you all so much.

The thing that I haven't mentioned is that his father, my husband, is 6'6.

The other day we went to the saturday market and went up to a woman making balloon animals. She asked my son, "How old are you, three or four years old?" My son then looked down at the ground and was really quiet. He is hardly ever quiet. I told her, "He is five years old." She proceeded to say, "Oh, he is as tall as most three year olds!" Gasp.....

I about died. He gets this a lot from people trying to guess his age. I am seriously ready to go ballistic on someone - I wouldn't but if my son wasn't around, I would have a little talk with them.

His brother is HUGE. He weighs around 24 pounds (at least) and is in 2 year clothing. He is only 14 months. So, there is probably a 9 pound difference between the two kids.

Also, my husband's parents say stuff about his height and tell me that it's probably because he doesn't eat enough. I have to politely tell them that he may have my genetics and I was always short as a child (I am now 5'4 so am still short by their standards as they are 5'10 and 6'4) .

I will try to teach him the appropriate ways to react to jokes. If his dad wasn't so tall and his brother is headed for the whole height factor, then it would be a little easier.

bean - great thing about your husband. WOW!!

I did talk with the teacher and she told me that my son was doing fine in class. She did tell me that there were a number of other children who had their struggles, though, and my son was not one of them. I guess it is a challenging year with a number of kids being socially immature. I was surprised that my son was not the top of her "maturity radar".

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Old 09-18-2008, 08:03 AM   #6
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Re: Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

Just to make you feel better my cousins 6yo is the same size at my other cousin's 3yo. He even looks like a 3yo. I've asked if there is anything wrong around the family but nobody ever said anything.
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Old 09-18-2008, 08:51 AM   #7
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Re: Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

(((hugs)))mama. Generalizations from people make it so hard. We have the opposite issue. DS is huge - tall and solid and only three yo. He's 47lbs and 46" tall. People expect him to act older than he is and I have to remind him he is acting completely age appropriate, that he is THREE!
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Old 09-18-2008, 09:00 AM   #8
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Re: Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

I am 5'2 and DH is 5'4 and he weighs MAYBE 115 lbs. Little is okay!
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Old 09-18-2008, 09:11 AM   #9
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Re: Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

I didn't have a hard time in Kindergarten, but as I got older it was hard. I was the youngest, the most immature, and the smallest. I was the last kid in Kindergarten to ride a two wheeler, the last one to learn to tie my shoes, the last one to learn to climb to the top of the slide without a ladder. (we had dangerous toys in the 60s) But, those things didn't bother me at all. I never noticed the difference until about fourth grade when the other kids all looked so much older than me. In our class picture, I looked like a first grader.

I was held back in fifth grade, and it all started to fall into place, but even being the oldest in my grade, I was still immature, and physically behind. Seventh grade was really hard. I looked like a 10 year old boy with long hair.

My suggestion is, if he doesn't have good friends, or he is an obvious follower and you wish he would make better friend choices, I would have him repeat Kindergarten. That way, he has the upper hand, and will not need to make friends with the only kids who will have him. It is sometimes better to be on top than on the bottom.

But, size really doesn't matter much unless he wants to play football. The little guys are always the quickest, and other kids like them just as well as the bigger kids. He won't suffer because of his size. It might limit his choice of girlfriends a little when he's older though.
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Old 09-18-2008, 07:49 PM   #10
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Re: Son is the shortest "dude" in school (long)

Something funny to add to this. My ds who is in kindergarten latched on to the biggest, tallest kid in the class. I told him that that was a smart thing to do and he said he knew. I said that he would be able to protect him (since he's the smallest) and he told me that was the plan. LOL!!!

My BFF was a 6'8", 300 pound guy who I called my bodyguard. No one dared make fun of me. LOL!! My 5'4" DH had (and still has)a huge BFF. Your ds will learn. In the grand scheme of things, being short is not the worst thing to have going for you. There are a lot of things he'll be able to do that tall people simply can't.
And as for girlfriends, look at Tom Cruise.
If your son is a good person, it won't matter.
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