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Old 10-21-2008, 07:53 AM   #1
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Angry temper temper temper

my 18 mo has a terrible temper, terrible. idk what to do. if he doesn't get his way he screams uncontrollably, kicks, hits, pinches, and bites whatever and/or whoever. he also throws himself back and smacks his head on either the wall or floor. we have tile floor. what should i do? just ignore it? it really is bad and he is still so young!!!!

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Old 10-21-2008, 07:56 AM   #2
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Re: temper temper temper

mama. That is tough, especially when you are pregnant and probably slowing down from that.

If it were me and during the tantrum I was worried about my lo hurting himself, I'd try to put him somewhere safe (crib? playroom?) where if he wasn't descalating from the tantrum he could be safe, you know?

I hope some other mamas have some words of wisdom, etc..
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Old 10-21-2008, 08:00 AM   #3
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Re: temper temper temper

Give him what you would want. Just love him. Make sure he's in a safe place, offer consolation in whatever form he'll accept (low sounds, hugs, rocking..even just your presence), and help him deal with it: distract him with things he can have, take him from the trigger, teach him the signs for "angry" "want" "mine"...and be patient. His communication skills will catch up and the tantrums will subside incredibly.
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Old 10-21-2008, 08:19 AM   #4
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Re: temper temper temper

What we do is if they are in a safe place, let them get it out. When they start, I usually say "Mommy does not respond to tantrums. I am going over to *insert place here*. When you are done, you can come over and we can talk" and then I walk away. The tantrum usually doesn't last long and they come over and we sit calmly, snuggle and try to get out what it is that they want. I help during that calm time to give them words or suggestions on how to ask for something or what to say when they want something. It had helped tremendously with Mia.
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Old 10-21-2008, 08:35 AM   #5
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Re: temper temper temper

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Originally Posted by *Katherine* View Post
What we do is if they are in a safe place, let them get it out. When they start, I usually say "Mommy does not respond to tantrums. I am going over to *insert place here*. When you are done, you can come over and we can talk" and then I walk away. The tantrum usually doesn't last long and they come over and we sit calmly, snuggle and try to get out what it is that they want. I help during that calm time to give them words or suggestions on how to ask for something or what to say when they want something. It had helped tremendously with Mia.
This is exactly how I handle tempertantrums as well. I think rocking and holding, IMO, just belittles them. If I'm angry about something and instead of listening someone tried to 'calm' me...I'd bite there head off! I think they learn more about self when they calm themselves down and the get rewarded (cuddled) for that, not for the tantrum itself.

I also believe the hormones we put off during pregnancy tends to cause clinginess and tantrums. That's just my theory, hehe.
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Old 10-21-2008, 09:23 AM   #6
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Re: temper temper temper

hugs mama! my dd is the same way at 12 months. i cannot believe how huge they are and over being put down, taking away something dangerous etc. giving her something different doesnt seem to slow it down any here. i hope there are some great suggestions!
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Old 10-21-2008, 08:03 PM   #7
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Re: temper temper temper

I went through that this time last year when I was pregnant with my ds. My dd still has tantrums, but not as often and they are more predictable (not being paid attention to, having something she really likes taken away, yes it is time for bed, etc). I have found that there is no "cure" for a tantrum. When it starts, if you can't distract them with something "better", then just let them hash it out on their own like other mamas said.

My daughter used to bang her head on the wood floor too, and I was concerned, but eventually, she figured out that didn't feel too good. When they were just unbearable I would put her in her room and close the door and let her have it in there. Eventually after the screaming and throwing of toys and hitting the door subsided, she would just be crying or even just saying "mommy" and I would go in there because she was actually talking and I would hug her, wipe her eyes and well you know the drill.

Later came time outs. I would have to keep putting her back there and she would throw a mighty fit.
It's a miracle that only after a couple of months (and this is currently!) when I tell her to go to time out, she actually GOES QUIETLY! LOL And she sits there and keeps looking over to see if I'll let her out. I can't believe it. Every time she goes like that and I don't have to put her there myself I just can't believe that's my little girl haha.
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Old 10-21-2008, 11:31 PM   #8
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Re: temper temper temper

Hi there,

My DS just turned 19 months, and we were/are having the same problem. Ignoring it did not help, and nothing else did, until we instituted a "time out" of sorts. When he starts a tantrum, I put him in a chair in his room, "the naughty chair" for a minute (one minute per year in age). I always though he would never stay there, but if he gets up, he gets put right back and suprisingly he usually stays there now. (I started off putting him in his crib since he would be "stuck" there, but I ended up moving to the chair, so he won't have bad associations with it.) It was horrible the first few days we tried it, he screamed the whole time, but after his minute I went in and calmly told him it was ok to have a tantrum, but he has to do it in his naughty chair. Now, when he starts, I ask him i he wants to go there, and either he calms down, he goes there himself, or I put him there. It is a nice little break for the both of us. Afterwards I always remind him that he will go back in the chair if he freaks out like that without trying to communicate. My DS has been throwing terrible fits since BIRTH (WISH I was KIDDING...lol) and he is finally old enough where something is starting to work!!!! I hope this helps you out some. Good luck! <Hugs!>

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Old 10-22-2008, 10:59 PM   #9
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Re: temper temper temper

Just echoing that my son is also going through temper tantrums lately. This started about 3 weeks ago and he is now 20 months old. It is usually because I want to pick him up to change him and he insisted in bringing X,Y, or Z with him. I can't change a poopy diaper with a squirmy baby flailing a book or two around! He refuses to give me the books and I end up taking them away and then he has a tantrum.
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Old 10-23-2008, 08:12 AM   #10
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Re: temper temper temper

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Originally Posted by megan1979 View Post
This is exactly how I handle temper tantrums as well. I think rocking and holding, IMO, just belittles them. If I'm angry about something and instead of listening someone tried to 'calm' me...I'd bite there head off! I think they learn more about self when they calm themselves down and the get rewarded (cuddled) for that, not for the tantrum itself.
I agree. When I am furious and feel like I am about to lose control what I really need to do is be left alone for a few minutes. I treat ds the same way. When he starts losing control (throwing a tantrum) I put him somewhere safe and let him throw his fit. Once he is done he comes over to me calmly. Then I tell him we don't throw fits, blah blah blah.
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